BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Will I be a good aunt?

Hi all,
My sister had a baby recently, her first, and I've visited her a couple of times. The baby is a real cutie, doesn't cry much and everybody can hold him, no problem. He's the first baby that I'm really around, b/c my friends, believe or not, don't have kids yet.

Although I'm so happy for my sister, I'm also not crazy about her baby. It's not that I don't like him, he is adorable really,....I'm just not interested. And I think she's noticed this and is not too pleased. Whenever I'm over, she wants me to hold him, and tells him "your auntie is here, say hi to your auntie, give her a big smile", etc while I'm thinking "that is really unecessary". Thing is, I think that she thinks that by me being around a baby I will change my mind and want to have one. In fact, everybody expects me to change my mind and announce that I'll have a baby of my own anytime now. ugggh!

I thought I just didn't want to have kids but now I realize I also don't want to have anything to do with them either. When she was describing how she spends her days now (bathing, changing diapers, feeding, checking on him, etc) I was boooreed. I don't mind hearing it once, but everytime I visit? The weather sounds like a wonderful topic!

The relationship with my sister is already rocky, and I don't want it to be worse now that she has a baby. But I also can't fake that I'm crazy in love and over-excited with her baby when that's just not true. I guess I'm looking for a balance between both. Anyone that is already an aunt have any tips?

Ugggh is right. Stay away from there unless absolutely necessary but try to invite her to a girls night out every now and then and set rules about no baby talk. I'm sure she'll begin to appreciate some alone time after this baby thing starts to wear on her.

Also if she does talk about the baby try steer her away from it but have patience. I'm sure EVERYTHING you talk about isn't always interesting to her (or everybody) but I'm sure your family or friends don't have contempt for you like you seem to have for her just cuz she's happy to be a mom. Tolerance goes both ways : )

I wonder too what my relationship will be like when my sister has a baby. She just got married and said she is going to wait a year before trying, but I doubt it will be that long. We've talked about it before. I told her the same thing I told my brother when he had his last kid, "look, I love you, I'll love the kid and would take a bullet for it, but I don't have plans to like touch it or deal with it ever, until it hits like 15 or 16." Luckily, my sister and I are very close, and she gets me. She makes no assumptions about me liking her offspring just because they are hers. My older brother has 3 kids, and I couldn't tolerate the eldest until she was about 15, the middle one is almost 13 and I can at least converse with her in English, and the six year old is an annoying brat whom I physically push away from me when she tries to get in my face (seriously, the kid just jumps on people and no one does anything about it).

Sorry to rant. I know my sister understands now, but I am afraid she's going to take it personally when it actually is "her little precious." Everyone thinks their kids are the exception to the rule, right?

I pretty much have plans to call my sister out anytime she becomes an "annoying mommy." We both just recently delete a friend off facebook who had a kid and posted nothing except pro-breastfeeding propaganda for a month straight. I will keep my sister a normal human-being, I swear it!

My advice is just let her know that you do love the kid. You will always be there in true times of need, but dealing with or hearing about children just holds no interest for you. And, you plan to be the one to keep her grounded in the world, and not get carried away into mommy zombie land. I know I'd want someone to do that for me.

OMG, you actually told her that?...that's very direct mmmm, I don't think I could ever say that to my sister.
I guess, maybe, the baby will grow on me, who knows? He's just a month old, I've heard they get more interesting as they grow cause then they're able to talk, walk, play, etc.

Thank you for the advise Dolyn. Yes, sounds like the main thing is to let her know that I love her and her baby and will be there for her and give her my help. She looks exhausted even though she's overjoyed.

I think the fact of the matter is you either like kids or you don't regardless of who the kid belongs to. The difference being you probably have a higher degree of tolerance when you don't want to upset someone you care for by appearing cold and heartless when they are just so overjoyed with their new baby. My family knows I don't do the baby/kid thing as I am totally uninterested and I only participate on a very basic level when it is really necessary and I do so to keep the peace. Everyones life choice should be respected as long as people accept that they can't force theirs onto you and visa versa.I would just go along with things as best as you can and as someone else suggested you could be the get out of jail card for fun adult non kiddy events which through time she might come to appreciate. Good Luck :-)

Okay....I am an aunt several times over on both sides of family. I let hubby take the lead on whatever is done with his nieces/nephews which means essentially nothing but with my sister I have made more of an effort. I totally understand not wanting to have anything to do with the kids until they are close to being adults but I know from my own experience of being the niece that it's not that easy to parachute in as the cool aunt when they are a teen. It's simpler if you do the groundwork when they are young. I did some emergency babysitting early on but it wasn't until they were toilet trained that I started doing more. I take them out for their birthdays. It's just one on one so I try to do something that interests them but not necessarily something their parents would do. So we may go to a movie but it will be at a film festival not the regular theatre or maybe some obscure museum or such. A place where there will be fewer kids and breeders. Between birthdays if I have time I take them to similar places but as a group, not just one on one. Believe me, at times it's not easy.....they are relatively well behaved so it's not them but I find hanging with them boring in many ways. It's getting better now that the oldest is 8 but the youngest is not quite 3. But I am hoping that all this groundwork will mean a closer relationship when they do become teens. So my advice is to do what you are comfortable with.....don't do stuff you hate but realize that the groundwork will lead to a more close relationship in the long run.

Hmm... I'm not sure I'm concerned with having a "close" relationship with my nieces or coming off as "the cool aunt." I feel like faking enjoying the company of my nieces just to have a close relationship with them in my golden years is just as bad as assuming that having kids will mean someone will be there to take care of me when I'm older. No matter how cool I am, there is no guarantee I'm going to get invited to thanksgiving dinner when I'm older. I think I do my part when they get to the annoying teenage years that seem to annoy the [censored] out of everyone else. People who "love" babies (i.e. like having complete control over a mostly helpless entity) tend to dislike teenagers (on the cusp of autonomy). My 17 year old niece likes me well enough. I actually just took her on a week long tour of colleges over the summer (no one else was going to bother). We had a good time.

I should also note that, yes, that is exactly what I told my brother and sister.:) I understand that may not be acceptable in other families, but... if you knew my family, you'd understand it's not out of the norm or even insulting. We don't pull punches and if you fall asleep on the couch you are likely to wake up with a marker mustache (my mom is evil).

of course it all depends on the family dynamic and your own personality. For me, if I don't make the effort to see them, I wouldn't really see them at all. While I am totally fine with my decision to not have kids, from my experience with my own aunts and uncles (some kidfree), as they never made any effort as a kid to see me, I don't have a relationship at all with them. When my grandparents were alive, I saw extended family at least a few times a year but now years go by without any contact. And we all live within an hour drive of each other. I would like to, in the future, have some contact with my nieces. Would be nice to do as you did and go on some trips with them when they are older. But I know if I don't make the effort to see them outside of a typical family dinner where the contact is limited to some awkward dinner time discussion, there will be no connection at all. My relationship with my sister is not close, only time we talk is to arrange a family function or me taking the nieces. I am not 'faking' enjoying the time together - it's just another thing I do a few times a year that may not be my preferred activity but know that it's the only way that I can maintain a connection without it being all weird when I offer to go away for a week with them 10yrs from now. Maybe in your family, this happens more 'organically' so when your teenage niece needed you she felt okay turning to you.....

I think you are making mistake not enjoying your nephew or niece. I don't have children but I am always there for their birthdays, First Holy Communion, Confirmations, Graduations & Wedding Day. Now I am enjoying being Great Aunt of eight great nephews and nieces. I love being with them for Christmas time. Boy, I love watching them opening their Christmas presents and wrapping papers are scattering all over the living room. What a mess? It is wonderful to be Aunt. I think you should try to be there for them. God forbids if something happen to your sister or brother. You may have to take care of them sooner or later. Start now and get know each others before it is too late.

It's my first time being an Aunt, so I think I kind of panicked a little bit and I wanted to conclude very fast whether I liked the baby or not....I guess I have to give it more time for things to settle down. I'm just not comfortable yet with the title "AUNT". But just the other day I called her and she put the baby on the phone and he made the noise I guess all newborns make and it made me laugh very much.
I am so happy for her...that's all she ever wanted in life, to be a mother.

Thank you for sharing your Aunt stories....