BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids No Kids in a Traditional World...

I am 39 and was married a bit over a year ago. We are very active in an extremely traditonal church (seriously, I am like one of only two married women who have a full time job). I have gotten to the point where I am actually telling those who ask that we are "trying" to have kids. We aren't. But it gets the others to quit asking if they know you are trying to be part of their Mommy club. Plus, when it doesn't happen, they all will know we "tried" and will be sympathetic. WAY better than trying to explain an actual choice. I tried that route for almost a year. No go.

Hi catluvgal,love your reply, but don't you find that you get those sympathetic 'poor you' looks ? I hate that ! It is difficult knowing what to say, and you're right you have to change your tack, depending on who you're talking to. But some women love the fact they have one over on you ( or think they do ) they might as well put a sticker on their forehead ' my life is soooo much better than yours. ' I personally would rather stick to the ' we decided against ' conversation.

Hey Gaynor: I might get those pity looks later on, that is true. But, hey pity is better than derision in my book. HA! What's been *really* interesting to me is that since I don't have kids, one or two of the supposedly truly fulfilled moms have confided in my that they don't enjoy motherhood. One even told me that if we didn't have kids, she'd be somewhat envious. This is near blasphemy! It's really a fascinating social experiement for me at this point...

@cream pie: I am turning 27 and a lot of people,especially the aunts,are already asking "why don't you have a boyfriend yet?".my sure reply is "I'm happy being single".their always follow-up question is,"don't you want to be married and have kids?".the question usually don't bother me,but when I get asked many,many times it can surely drive me up the wall.

It's amazing, since finding this site, I've been more aware of how many people actually ask about the kids question. Just yesterday a bloke I work with asked me if I had kids. we were sitting with his son, who's 13. I said no, and left it at that, but his immediate reply was 'Why'. ( Unbelievable ! ) I turned to his son, and said in a joking way ' 'what if it had turned out like Mike ?' he saw the joke, and laughed, and then spent half an hour telling me what a nightmare his son was- he has no repect, he spends all my money, he comes home drunk, he argues with his mother.... ( I could go on ) I think you're right catluvgal,( re the derision look ) and maybe sometimes the 'pitying ' response comes from some who feel envy, and try to put others down to make themselves feel better ? Interesting comment about some mothers not enjoying motherhood ! My mother said once she wished she had had me and my sister when she was younger - she had my sister at 25, and me at 28....

I just say I don't really like children. That kind of ends the discussion.