No appologies necessary, really.
I've been in this situation, exactly, but it wasn't with a step mom, it was my ex-husband and his wife, I had already remarried and they both acted like little children. The arguements, Oh MY GOSH!!!.. Stupid, just stupid stuff about clothing whether or not the safety seat was too far off to one side or in the middle, our daughter taking too long to put her shoes on and the screaming, you bet. He would follow me around and our daughter saying just awful things, like "You won't see daddy again if you don't get your *^&* shoes on fast enough." Monster...when I think back to it.
They both acted rightious and immature and honestly, they enjoyed the drama and plotted together, pushed buttons, it was a real mess.
I tried a few things before I ended up moving altogether. My mistake was moving closer to my daughter's father so he could see her more often. He always said he didn't have enough time for her. So I figured, it's 5 min. away. Maybe he would see her after work more eaily.
I fianlly set it up where he wasn't allowed in the house anymore,, to cut down on the time he could get comfortable and start in on us. I would bring Lauren out to the car. It worked for a little bit until he couldn't handle himself anymore and he and his wife would just start shouting from the car.
Then I actually got the police involved so when we had weekend exchanges, the police were there to supervise. The thing is all of this really ends up raising anxiety in the children.
From there, it was suggested from police to pick up and drop off at a neutral area. We chose McDonalds. Kids love going out to eat and it's a happy place. So there was something to look forward to. That actually helped. You dont stand around though and wait for permission to go back to the house, you just hug your daughter and depending how old she is either walk her in or wait until you see the hsuband or wife and know she made it in and then get in your car and go.
Depending on how psychological all of this is on the BM's part, she may get a hair and take you back to court. Whether you've done something wrong or not, that's allowed for any reason. Divorce is a huge money maker in the court system down the line on so many levels, everyone has a piece of it and they don't have lifestyles there where they can afford to turn away, tedious court money makers. Family dysfunction pays for their golf greens and country club fees.
You could ask for an amended divorce contract though and go in level headed and just ask that, because of the outbursts you want it in writing that any exchanges (pick up/drop off) with SD you would like to see on neutral grounds at such and such day and time beginning on X-day.
This is almost a book on the subject, but I have one word that unfortuanately will sum up all of this in an instant,
"Jealousy."
To them, there are no rules and boundaries in expressing themselves because their jealousy makes them feel entitled to their anger and they don't care who it hurts because to them you for breathing and happy hurt them because they are miserable.
Last edited by Eleise - Clairvoyance; 09/13/10 07:35 PM.
