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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 33
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 33
I really, really don't know how to approach this stepdaughter of mine, any longer. She's studying, after completing school last year. She's currently doing her practical in another town. When she came down for her holiday visit, I bought her all the stuff she needed (her mother doesn't buy / provide her anything), took her out for some "us time" and anything else possible to make our relationship stronger (it's been a long and hard road the past 6 years). Now she's doing her practical and the phrase "Out of sight, out of mind" comes to mind. She doesn't call me, doesn't send me messages, doesn't respond to my messages etc. She always has a lie ready (when her father asks her about her not corresponding with me etc). He believes his little princess (although I know better and know the TRUTH). She manipulates her daddy around her little finger and daddy can't wait to jump at the opportunity to help his little girl. I'm at my witts end. Really feels like she only "knows" me when she's with me and wants something. I'm like a freakin' bank machine that just provides and provides. Even when I send her messages on Facebook, she doesn't respond. When I talk to her over the phone, I can hear she's not in the mood to talk to me. To top it all, her own bio mother hates me with a passion (because she cheated on her then-DH and I then married him a year later she divorced him. She is married to the guy she cheated her then-DH with). Why is it that this child doesn't accept me as part of her live? After everything I've done for her, after all the love I've given to her?? I really can't carry on like this. I'm ready to write her off ...

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Joined: Apr 2010
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To further add injury to insult ... my SS hasn't visited for almost 2 months now. He lives with his mother. DH phoned him yesterday, 'cause same thing happens ... SS doesn't even send DH messages or anything. He's now 16 and SD is 18 (turning 19 soon). When I told DH last night that I'm sure the bio mother has something to do with this, he agreed. What makes me angry, is that he continues coming up for his daughter, always allowing her to make excuses. A while back, the bio mother said that SS didn't visit, 'cause I didn't make him feel welcome! BUT in the meantime, we have a wonderful relationship as SM and SS. He really cares about me, but his mother is poisoning him against me mostly. So at the end of the day, she's doing everything in her power to split me and DH up (we got divorced because of her interfering in our marriage, but got back together as I matured so much during the process ... it was my first marriage and never had kids of my own when we got married). The ex is a compulsive liar and a real biatch. She got an SMS from my MIL that she didn't approve of and then this biatch phoned my DH and upset him about this [censored]. She's always playing the victim in any given situation. She also uses SD's Facebook account to "spy" on me ... why is she so freakin' insecure! Why does she spy on me via her child?

Last edited by JustAnotherStepmom; 09/13/10 06:18 AM.
Joined: Aug 2010
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If you feel she doesn't respect you, don't try and buy it. It'll make the situation akward - hence, the avoidance tactic. Also, I think you're giving yourself too much credit. If she's avoiding your messages, I can't imagine how you would know the TRUTH. Be honest with yourself. I'm not sure how old she is but from what you've written, she doesn't sound like a very happy person. If her mother has neglected her, it's probably affected her a lot more than you realize. If you don't want to be a bank machine then don't be one. You're in full control over that one. It sounds to me like she's needing/wanting space and sending her FB messages is only going to push her away further. Give her space. "Writing her off" could be what her mom has already done to her emotionally. Have patience. She doesn't live with you so let her live her life and be there whenever she needs you - emotionally. Just listen. Don't judge. Don't compare. Another thought is .. maybe it's just a phase she's going through. She's living in a new city away from home and is probably having the time of her life. Let her. Eventually, she'll return home (willingly/happily) if you leave your doors open to her. Let this one ride.


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