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Pat83 Offline OP
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Hello everyone, I was wondering if you can please help me out with something... How can a person overcome when their friend reacts in a way where they think or feel that you have rejected their very core being, when all you really did is just disagreei with how they are living? Especially when you know for a fact that how they are living is a negative coping mechanism that puts that person (your close friend) at higher risk than the average person for more psychological issues and/or medical consequences. And before you answer this question, just assume that the person I'm describing displays a level of denial that pretty much runs deep.

Last edited by Pat83; 09/14/10 09:55 AM.
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Can you talk to her without her getting on the defensive? Can you explain that you are expressing your concern for her because you CARE about her so much? What happened exactly, it's hard to give you an answer without more detail.

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Pat83 Offline OP
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It's someone who drinks alcohol too much, and can't seem to stop or want to stop.

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oh, wow, that's a toughy. I have a sibling that is an alcoholic, and no matter what we have done to support her, not support her, send to treatment, doesn't seem to have any effect. Even hitting bottom and going to prison didn't. People who have a drinking problem don't want to see it and deny it. You probably surprised her, even though you are trying to help her. Maybe you've given her something to think about, though. How much is she really drinking and how often?

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Pat83 Offline OP
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She's more less a functioning alcoholic that goes through chronic bing periods at times. She's actually embraced the label "alcoholic" as her identity. She says it's who she is, so we're being "intolerant" and acting like "bigots" for not accepting her for who she is. I keep telling her that just because we disagree with what you're doing (drinking), doesn't mean we hate the core of her very being. I don't know what to do!

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Alcoholism is not a personality trait, it is a disease, usually genetic. If she can be made to understand that it might be a step in the right direction.

It might help to get some reading material on alcoholism and give it to her -- just let her know that she is important to you and you are concerned for her health and well-being. Since she calls herself an alcoholic, you most likely will not offend her by bringing up the subject.

There could be a deep underlying cause for her drinking too much. Is she showing signs of depression? If so, it would be a good idea to post in our 'Depression' forum under 'Health and Fitness' for ideas on how to help her. Often depression and alcohol problems are closely intertwined.


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Pat83 Offline OP
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Thank you! I have done extensive reading and research on the subject of alcoholism. Though it may seerm to be genetic, it is not. It is something that can be inherited through temperament. For example, a parent can be an alcoholic and the child is more inherit a similar temperament through upbringing that can make them more prone to it, but there is no genetic predisposition or coding for it. Temperament is a learned behavior based on the environmental conditioning of that person's upbringing, and other outside influences such as peer and cultural media influences as well. This temperament, even though understandably feels genetic, is defintely not. There are often families where even though the parents are alcoholics, their children are not, or not all their children become alcoholics. This also applies to other detrimental behaviors that ultimately have higher rates of medical consequences such as anorexia, homosexuality, cigarette smoking, and/or obesity. These are not diseases, they are unstable traits that lead to medical diseases or at least an increased chance. Our traits and behaviors do not have a genetically predisposed code of any sort. Our inherited temperament that may make us more prone to adapt or assimilate towards certain behaviors is something that is based on environmental cause and effect that makes us personalize those feelings to the deep level where it may feel like it is our identity or "who we are," but it is not unless we "buy into that" then we make it as such. Even though it is an unstable trait and not a disease, in a sense it is beneficial that alcoholism is labeled as a disease, because that removes the moral judgment and condemnation from the equation, and as a result more people can get help and be helped.

Last edited by Pat83; 09/24/10 07:09 AM.

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