BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Bad marriage.. advice?

I've never posted on anything like this but figured I'd give it a shot.. I've been married for 2.5 years. My husband and I are both 22. We have a lot of problems and I don't know if this marriage is worth saving or if I should get outta here while I'm still young and we have no kids. We've known each other and have been dating on and off since high school. He joined the army and we got married. We've been having problems since the beginning but about a year ago maybe more I realized how bad his porn addiction is. He watches it about every day sometimes more than once. i know this because it's on his phone and i've found it on the com;puter.. plus i've walked in on him jerking off to it about 5 times. in the bathroom on his phone or at the computer.. The last time was yesterday. I was going to get something for dinner and i asked him to go with and he said he had too much studying to do.. well i got to the car and i forgot something inide so i went back and caught him closing out all these windows of porn. I was only gone 2 minutes! so i was irritated about it.. I said like 2 sentences something like geez you couldn't wait for me to leave the driveway? this is why you wouldn't go with me? Then we didn't talk until the next morning when he was driving me to work. He was in a rage saying i owe him money for him helping me pay off the last of my college (only like 500$) then he said either I accept that he wants to watch porn and visit other adult hook up sites or we can get a divorce.. he told me to think about it at work.. so I did. I came home after he never showed up to get me and i had to find a ride.. to his cum rags next to the computer. And I told him I thought about it and I want a divorce. I haven't mentioned yet that i've caught him on dating sites as well.. Looking for sexual encounters with older women. If he wanted to watch porn because i wasn't interested I would understand a whole lot more. Almost every time I want to have sex he's too tired.. or his back hurts.. or he doesn't wanna put fourth the effort.. always an excuse so i basically never ask anymore because I don't want to get rejected and feel bad. I'm young, I have a nice body, I keep myself looking good and I get hit on everywhere else I go so why does he want porn more than me? or to search out other women? on top of this, He won't put me on the bank account so if i have to buy groceries or anything I have to ask him for money. He does buy me stuff, but he throws it in my face all the time talkin about how i owe him this and that.. and i just finished school. Still trying to get certified.. i have a part time job but it's not enough to get much. If I could, i'd never ask him for a dime. But i'm very far from my family.. and i don't want to worry them and this is embarrassing to tell people about. I'm a good wife to him, i cook, i clean, i take care of everything at home. I have to pick up his dirty socks every day around the house because he's too lazy and too busy watching porn. Everytime we get in a fight he calls me names.. he always has to call me stupid [censored] , dumb [censored], [censored]. whatever mean things he can think of. He's very serious all the time and has a bad temper that scares me. When I told him I decided on divorce he started saying he was mad when he said to choose porn or divorce and he doesn't want to lose me. He said he wishes he could be a relaxed free spirtited person like me and he wants to change.. but he has urges to sleep with other women and he can't stop watching porn, he's too addicted. I know he watches some really sick stuff. I've told him before we have to get rid of the internet. He refuses. anyways. i've made this far too long. I need some good advice please.

You're young, your attractive, you're smart and your miserable. Get this divorce going as soon as possible. You'd be surprised how much support you will get from your friends and family, who probably don't like your husband but are too polite to tell you.

You deserve happiness, and the man you are married to can't give that to you. It's time to move on and find a man who appreciates you, wants to be with you and only you, and who finds joy in taking care of you. But first, you need to rebuild your sense of self, because this man has been carving away at your self esteem for a long time. He doesn't want to lose you? He already has. If he wanted to change, he would have done so already. He just doesn't want you to stop playing his game -- you've made it so easy for him, why would he want you to go? Time for you to put yourself first and let him clean up his own mess!

Run away as fast as you can and never look back. You are so young! Life has sooo much in store for you! Embarrassment is no reason not ask help from people who loves you.

Get out of this marriage as fast as you can! Get you life back!

Sorry to hear you are going threw this bumpy road. I know what you are going through. He's more in love with the porn sites than you. Unless he's willing to give up the computer he'll never stop; it's an addiction. He might even be chatting with some of them; my ex was. You don't deserve to be treated this way; nobody does. Be firm and tell him you mean business; it's either the computer or you. And don't back out. Have a back up plan and be prepared to leave. Life is too short and you deserve to be treated like a princess. Listen to your gut feeling and do what's right for YOU!!

I agree with all of you. Being obsessed with porns is a result of a sick mind. In his younger years it might be the result of sexual molestation he got maybe from his father or older people. You know it's not normal.
But rejecting sex maybe at a later years of age. Couples become very busy with their job and they tend to get tired and not enough energy to have sex that's why sometimes, I do understand. Because I used to be in that position. and it's no big deal anyway. But to be busy with his porn is not an excuse to not to have sex. He probably exerted too much effort just by watching.