BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Having with stepson

I'm having a hard time developing a relationship with stepson. He lives with us full time. My husband and I seem to fight only when it comes to decisions regarding him. We can't seem to get on the same page. I think he excepts to see my stepson as my actual birth child, and that's hard for me. Any advice?

Hi Brooklyn27, welcome to the BellaOnline Forum and glad to see you have started to post.

Hi Brooklyn27, I also have a stepson(SS) as well as a stepdaughter(SD) that live with us 50% of the time. I met SS when he was 4yrs old and SD when she was only 16months old. Although it did make a huge difference getting to know them that young, I do struggle a bit more with my stepson and can relate to your dilemma. We have a pretty good relationship despite all the efforts his biological mom makes to prevent it but I do find my relationship with SD easier and more natural. Some things that I do in order to build a better bond with SS is setting aside one on one time with him and I. Tucking him in at night (although he does prefer his dad to do it). Driving him to and from school, this always allows great conversation since there's no direct eye contact and dead air in the car isn't uncomfortable. But what works the best is finding something that he's interested in and making it an activity that just him and I do together, no daddy allowed. Some examples for us are building those LEGO projects (ships, aircrafts, etc) or watching deal or no deal together just him and I on the kids TV. My SS is 8 now and during these times he becomes instantly affectionate (sits right beside me, throws an arm around me, etc). I find it almost impossible to not feel motherly love towards him when he responds to me in that way. It feels closer to the same bond I have with my own son each time we spend together. I know it takes some work and effort and believe me it's usually not my top priority to go watch Deal or No Deal for an hour after work but the results are undeniable. How old is your SS? How long have you known him for? Don't feel bad if you don't love him like your own, it's natural. Being honest with your husband about how your feeling is essential as well. I'm blessed with a wonderful man who is completely accepting of my true feelings and appreciates the efforts I make with SS regardless if I struggle more for that relationship. Good luck, I hope this helps!

thanks for your esponse. I've know SS for almost 3 years now. And you think I would have a handle on this, but somedays are harder than others. My husband says I shouldn't take things personally when SS doens't listen to me or whatever. But that's hard not to do cuz I am the stepmom. He's not a step parent so how would he know how I feel? I know I get frustrated to easily, but I feel like my husband doesn't get where I'm coming from and try to help. There are things that SS and I do, like watch WWE together, or I pick him up form school everyday. I don't know what my problem is; I'm just sick of the agruments.

Well your post doesn't offer a lot of info so it's hard (for me) to say .. but, ultimately, dad has the upper hand in this. I guess it really depends on what those "decisions regarding him" is all about. Maybe you can explain. If it's to do with the lack of respect towards you, then boundaries should be placed. If it's about whether or not he should go to a party, dad wins. I think if a step-parent has been involved for a long time, they develop a better rapport with their step-children to be able to have more of a pull in the decision making. Until then, step-parents need to have trust that the BP is making the right decisions.