BellaOnline Forums Relationships Dating Overwhelming sappiness, or, He's More Needy

I've been dating my boyfriend since June. I've known him for a few years, though, and really do love him dearly. But he can be really, really sickenly sweet. He says things that should make me think, "Aww, that's so cute/sweet/nice,etc," but they just make me roll my eyes or at worst, get defensinve.

I have been on my own longer than I've ever been with anybody, but I have not been idle. I keep busy and contentedly so. The years made me independant in mind and heart, as well as body. I don't feel like I need him like I feel like he needs me and it's making me nervous.

He says he's cool that, for humor and metaphor, I'm the "guy" in the relationship, but these knee jerk reactions I feel to things he says/texts, etc are alarming me. Shouldn't I have some sort of equal response to something like, "As long as you let me hold you hand," or, "I'll be there in no time."

He's just a lot needier than I am and I don't know how to blance it out without coming across like a completely heartless harpie.

So much more to write, but I won't want to post a novel. Any ideas/thoughts? Thanks in advance!

From what you describe, it sounds to me like either the two of you aren't on the same page or maybe you just aren't prepared to make an emotional investment into the relationship at this time.

Perhaps the involuntary reactions that you are having to his comments and behavior could be a sign that this may not be the right guy for you. On the other hand, they could also be manifestations of fears or insecurities that you may have about allowing yourself to be vulnerable and potentially risk the sense of independence that you have gained during your time as a single woman.

What I would suggest is that you take some time to do a little soul searching. Analyze your feelings about him and about the relationship as objectively and as honestly as you possibly can. Think about why you got involved with him in the first place and try to determine whether or not you can genuinely see this relationship having long term potential in your life. Try to figure out if the issue you are having is really about your boyfriend or if it's just your way of trying to protect yourself from the possibility of heartbreak and disappointment. The more honest you can be with yourself, the more likely you will be to find the best possible solution.

That's great advice Kristina Dr. of Love! Everything you say is so true. Been there a few times and for me it was always the person wasn't right for me.