BellaOnline Forums Relationships Gay/Lesbian Relationships I need some help with my girl

If anyone can help me figure this one out it would be great . I'm in a long distance relationship with my girl friend for almost 2 years. We both live in the same state but different towns. I drive to see her when I can and we would talk all the time but back last year she lost her aunt to cancer and now the calls are not as often as they were. Here is the real catch In the time up to now she has told me 3 times to get the home ready because she is trying to move in with me and her kids too. So back December of 08 she told me that she was moving in Jan of 09 well that didn't work ,then in May of 09 she said that she was going to come in July of 09 and this when her aunt got sick and passed in Sept of 09. The last time was on Christmas Day of 09 she told me to plan on the move again for Feb 2010 before Valentine's Day and so we talked about some more repairs to home as far as putting in a half bath it cost me 1,300.00 to do so and her promise when she comes was to help with the ouside painting.Well this hasn't happened her dad ended in the hospital so I'm now on hold and she is waiting for her job transfer as well. Everytime she has told me to get ready I have spent so much money and have given so many of my personal things away to Goodwill but hear I sit. Now the phone calls are not coming in as much and I feel that I'm sitting here on the back burner in away. I love her and have proven this to her but I can't understand what in heck is going on I would love to confront her on this in her town but it is not at all gay friendly. A few weeks ago she tells me I'm the love of her life and that I have her heart but she has shown me nothing but the kind wonderful words just no action what can I do I need help to figure this one out. I don't think she has been playing me but the money thing with what I have spent over the last 2 years is worring me . I will say this that she is caring for her EX which is in very poor health and collecting his monthly check to take care of him but she says it is because of the 2 kids to have their father until it's time to do something with him. I wonder is it true or is it because of the money each month she is a cancer if that helps. I would like to hear from you on what my next move would be thanks. Hollywoodrags

Cancerians will put family first and her family is going through a lot of crisis right now. She will not up and leave them at this time. Even when her father heals, it will not be easy for her to move away from family.

The hard truth for you to face is that she will put her own wants and desires below what is in the best interest of her chidren. Their father will be a part of her life for that reason.

I'm afraid that she is putting off the move because of her complicated family life. She could feel torn between a life with you and her present living situation.

Now is not a good time to force a decision. Let her grieve for her aunt, care for her father and raise her children (with the help of her ex). Just be supportive and loving and willing to do whatever it takes to be her partner.

Consider moving to her town. Or nearby, at least. Would she like that? You could sell or rent your house.

Unfortunately your girlfriend has had a traumatic couple of years and it's no-ones fault. But in life we have to decide what our priorities are. Obviously her priority is her family not her relationship. And this is not going to change, there will always be one thing or the other
I would advice that you sit her down and have an honest and open talk with her. Tell her how you feel and that the frequent promises that do not come to fruition are totally unacceptable. She either wants this relationship or she doesn't. And if your account is accurate, she sounds luke warm to me

has she ever been in a same-sex relationship before? i understand she's lost her aunt and now her dad is ill but how does that prevent a move? how does that limit phone conversations to the person you love? it's unfortunate she's had a rough couple of years but i also think she's scared to move in with you. i think she's torn between what she wants and what she feels is right. also for you, stop spending money. there's a pattern (as you say) so why be wasteful? at this point, she's not ready .. for whatever the reasons may be. take the pressure off (the both of you) by post-poning this topic instead of waiting for dates to come and go. it's harder for parents to make this kind of change. been there. im sure she loves you. i don't doubt that. it's just hard. keep visiting her. love her. have patience. :)

hi............. # You just tell her. She may not say it back, but she will feel flattered that you love her. # Anyone can just say i love you, but WHY do you love her? Tell her Why, what it is about her that makes you love her. I know its cheesy but girls love that stuff!!! thanks