BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why question being childless?

Im new on here so im very excited to find other people who are on here who share the same view as i do...Ive been married for 9 years and am 34 years of age... I love my life the freedom I enjoy my work... and travelling.. I have pressure from parents , society, realtives etc to have children and the more they put pressure on me the more I rebel..I just found out another cousin of mine is pregnant and now i have to face being interigated from everyone .. IM SOOO SICK OF THIS :((( Its no ones business .. what happened to just accepting people for who they are ... IVE been called selfish... which upsets me .. I think u are selfish if u have children and dont really want them but u know pressure ...IVE seen friends who have children to save there marriage .. doesnt work...anyway this is a wonderful site .. anyone wants to chat im here .. thank u for letting me express my views ..

I hate it when people play the selfish card: People have children because they cannot imagine life without offspring, because a child gives life (theirs) more meaning, and that is seen as very generous by themselves and people in general. I know, people who have children give up things, but, as they always put it, children gives so much back and it is all worth it. So they didn't really had to work on their generosity, they are just doing what they want.
But, on the other hand if you don't see any joy in the prospect of having children, you are supposed to go against all your instincts and common sense to match up with their "generosity".

The only possible explanation that they call you selfish is, they know life is more enjoyable without children, but they didn't know it was a choice not to have them and now they resent everyone who can sleep till noon at weekends.

YES THE SELFISH CARD..... I HATE THAT.. IVE BEEN CALLED THAT BEFORE .. I DONT UNDERSTAND IT.. ITS SELFISH TO HAVE CHILDREN AND U DONT WANT TOO.. BECAUSE OF PRESSURE ETC... THATS SAD PEOPLE DONT GIVE IN ... I JUST DIG MY HEALS IN MORE WHEN IM BEING CRITISED ... AND REBEL. LOL .. ILL DO WHAT I WANT .. NOT WHAT SOCIETY AND THE NEIGHBOURS TELL ME I SHOULD DO ..

[quote=Solalux]I know, people who have children give up things, but, as they always put it, children gives so much back and it is all worth it. [/quote] I am going of track here butI have never understood that response, you get it all the time from parents...they always say "I know its a lot of work etc but children give you soooo much back in return"... When exactly does this pay back happen, all I see is a life of servitude,revolving around this one being.On a recent visit to my niece who has two small children and has now popped out number three I decided to see if I could find this reward they all talk about but honestly all I witnessed was a constant round of drugery...nope no rewards there!!Yes at times the kids were amusing, but so are lots of my friends so nothing there only a child could provide.To me it just looks like 18 years of hard labour, so maybe the reward comes in when your child goes off to make their own way in life. I think I'll just miss out the bit in the middle thanks!!!

I found a lot in common with Happy One. To some people, a decision of not having kids doesn't always come from many options. To me, it seems to be only best option for me at this point. I divorced after a few years of my first marriage. We didn't have kids simply because we both were just too busy working 16 hours a day. It was impossible to take care of a baby even with full-time nanny - as we both travelled too often and stayed at office too long. Maybe some people may call that selfish, but they would call me selfish again if I arrange a full-time nanny with my baby and I go abroad for business. After the divorce, I got married with my current husband when I was 40. He was 48. We tried everything including ivf, which didn't work. Now, to us, at our age, not having a child may be blessed in a way - We may not be healthy enough to support our kids long enough.. We'll be in our 60's and 70's by the time my kid goes to college - if we have one now. I don't get too depressed or stressed by not having kids at all, and I don't really have any jealousy toward those who have one. I think my age really helped me to be less desparate about baby. Otherwise, I would probably be pretty anxious. Well, I enjoy my life without kids quite well, but sometimes, there are a couple of things that hurt me and my husband a little. After we moved into a new neighborhood, it has been just so difficult to make friends. It seems at our age, most socializing activities are centered around children. My husband seems ok as he still works and have many friends at work. I lost my job around the time I divorced and still stay at home. I didn't know it would be this hard for a homemaker w/o kids to make friends. So I joined a bible study at church, then the group members with kids started to pick on me for not having kids - kindly referring to quotes from the bible. Well, maybe I didn't handle the situation well, but every time I went to the meeting, it was repeated that I, for the first time in my life, was really hurt and stressed for having no kids. That meeting really made me realize the fact 'I have no kids' so clearly. Well, I think it would be nice more people can be a little more considerate before they start preaching on having kids, and I hope to make more friends this area. I probably need to join local classes or volunteer opportunities as the editor suggested. :)

Here's a partial list of things that CF people give up by not having kids:

1. Being accepted by complete strangers at a party (instead of being interrogated on being CF)
2. The ability to go to a family gathering without being criticized or questioned (instead of being praised for getting pregnant)
3. Adoring comments from friends, family, and strangers on what is considered our most important accomplishment (nothing we do as CF people is as important as having kids, to most people)
4. Instant friendships with other parents (rather than having to search high and low to find CF friends).
5. Time away from work to pick up kids, drive them to appointments, etc.

I could go on, but most of us think the sacrifices are worth it! lol

Hi cat70, welcome to the BellaOnline site and I am glad to see you have started to post.