BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Finding the strength to move on...

It's like they're forged from a mold! I've bene reading message board for months and the stories are like carbon copies of each other, including my own. What I want to know is, why isn't there a registry for those convicted of Domestic Violence? My children and I were not my husband's first victims and I keep seeing evidence that he was looking for his next victim long before I got out from under his thumb. I had no idea I was walking into the mess I said "I DO" to. His previous THREE wives didn't know, and the women he's been luring into adulterous relationships through online dating sites have no clue that (1) He's married and (2) He's a predator.

Niki - There is legaslation in many states to have this very database developed. Many folks are saying it is an invasion of privacy but it would be equal to something like the sex offender database every state is required to maintain. I personally think it is a great idea. I will do some research into this topic again over the next few days and report my findings.

Niki... I agree with you, there should be a registry for Domestic Violence Offenders. I, like you, was unaware until my first episode of abuse began.... it was after that when his ex-wife began telling people I was crazy for being with him. But by then, he had me hooked into his little web of violence and rage where I felt I couldn't find a way out.

UPDATE: Month #3 of freedom is quickly approaching! Gosh it seems like a lifetime ago that I escaped the pain and abuse. My strength amazes me. My determination to remain free is evident every time I open my email to 6 or 8 or 10 new emails from him and I am quick to delete the "garbage" and send it into cyberspace, never to be seen again. Today I marked his email address as "Spam" lol I'm getting there... wherever "there" is, I'm well on my way!!

I met someone over a month ago... a very nice 'someone'. He's charming, sweet, seems gentle, successful, spiritual, fun, funny, interesting, cute... we practically became instant friends as soon as we met. He has hinted at wanting to take things to the 'next level' but he isn't pushing me, I appreciate that tremendously...... I'm thinking, in another life-time perhaps he would be perfect for me. BUT... right now... The pain of my past is not cleared away so I find it hard to see what is right in front of me. I distance myself from him.. from most people in general, I do not want anyone to see the pain inside of me. I do not want them to cause me more pain. I've realized how far I have moved past my abuser and the thoughts of him.... but now, every person looks like abuse waiting to happen (to me). HOW do I work past these feelings, thoughts and the anxiety of meeting new people, I wonder. I have NEVER been this way. I'm ready to move on, put all of the abuse behind me... I'm just not ready for someone to begin making that move with me.

It turns out... that the "very nice someone" I mentioned in the above post is already being a 'very nice person' to someone else... it's always nice to get a phone call from an irritated girlfriend. Shortly after I posted that message, my phone rang. Now, I don't have to wonder about whether I should go to the next phase with him. My answer was given to me... My intuition always seemed to be a little clouded with him, perhaps it was the mixed signals he constantly sent that kept me second-guessing myself. A lesson learned before I got burnt.

I've had a lot of time to think since yesterday.... I think I almost did it again! As I look at the other characteristics of this person who appears to be a 'very nice someone', then I put aside the charm, the smile, gentle nature and the cute looks, I find something much more sinister. I see subtle signs of abusive behavior.... there is a subtle trace of a control issue, flirty manipulation, minute traces of jealousy, him needing to know where I am (which appeared endearing, of course) but he was never clear when I asked what he was doing, the whole girlfriend thing - she only knew certain things about me because he obviously told her, the list goes on... To top it all off, my self-esteem has taken some serious blows - - in very subtle ways, of course. I'm thankful things turned out the way it did before it was too late....