my gf is still in love with her X.
i understand she's THE love of her life and im ok with that.
they were together for less than a year about 10 years ago though.
they've travelled together, worked in a prestigous firm together..
a lot of history in such a short span of time which ended with a lot of pain.
my problem:
my gf is still keeping tabs on her.
she communicates with X's family members
(informing her of the ins/outs of X's sad life),
they also have a mutual friend who updates her much in the same fashion
and of course, there's facebook!
she knows where X lives and works,
what community involvement she's participates in,
events, relationships (or lack-there-of), photos..
it's all written in text!
when i confront her though,
she pretends she has no knowledge of it
even though X is posting this info on her page.
(why the secrecy?)
she also enjoys talking about their trips/adventures regularly..
not specifically about X though but about events that took place during or shortly thereafter.
she's revisted some of those destinations alone (before we met),
possibly to re-live those times they shared together?
old photographs of the two of them were still hanging on her walls when we met,
until the day she moved into my place.
there's nothing wrong with keeping fond memories
but on the bedroom/livingroom WALLS for over a decade?!
she doesn't even acknowledge she's in a relationship with me on fb
even though she posts everything else about her life..
and her music (which i'm still proud of) is written mainly about X and their relationship heart-aches.
everyone else in our lives know the nature of our relationship
so it's hard for me not to assume she's hiding it from X.
she told me she fell in love with X as the person she THOUGHT she was
and not the person she ended up being (a cold-hearted, back-stabbing egocentric).
she claims she has no lingering feelings towards her yet,
is compelled to stay virtually connected with her despite how it makes me feel.
i've already expressed my discomfort/jealousy about this with her.
i have asked her to close old doors so new ones can open for us (emotionally speaking).
she feels there's no need to close this chapter of her life and won't
and doesn't see how any of this should affect our relationship.
i am to accept it as it is and if there's ever a time X needs her,
she'll always be there for her (financially, emotionally).
this past year, X has moved into our city.
same part of town, from another country.
i wasn't too happy about it
but i'm not worried they're going to have some affair.
i know they're not and won't.
i know they haven't spoken to each other in over 2 years, despite being fb friends.
im just hurt she's still wanting to stay connected with her.
im hurt X will always be in her thoughts everytime she reads her status,
views a new photo, reads another note,
or participates in an activity they both share an interest in.
i'm hurt that there's always going to be that trigger that will remind her of X..
that she'll never be completely over her.
i don't measure up to her.
we are nothing alike and im not sure if that's a good/bad thing either!
my gf tells me she loves me and i believe her because she cares.
i don't believe she's IN love with me though because you can't be IN love with 2 people simultaneously.
in the same respect, i can't fall IN love with her either,
while X is still in her heart (and in my head).
we talk about our future:
marriage, babies, buying a home together..
but a part of me feels like she's not entirely with me,
that she'll always secretly wish she had this with her.
she's taken a day off work today to "think" (daydream)
i can only wonder..
