BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Not Divorce Yet!

The fact is that most people don't get divorced on a whim. We try, we plead, we attempt to talk, and when the abuse finally gets to be too much, we finally get the hint and leave. But it doesn't happen overnight, and it isn't an easy descision to come to.

You make it sound like we divorce at the drop of a hat, and the fact is, most people don't.

Dez

Well you may be right, I used to initially think looking at my parents fighting all the time.. screaming and yelling at nights.. it is better not to get married to someone and leading a bad married life ... and have the child disturbed....

But these all are still a puzzle in my life.. I now in my married life am very diplomatic talking to my wife.. and am very careful keeping away from a fight..

Hello Ganesh,
I don't believe that anyone on this site was trying to make you change your belief in marriage, also much success and many more happy years in your marriage to you and your wife. I wished that was the same for my own marriage. I think that everyone just wanted you to understand their situation than change your mind. I can't speak for anyone else but I appreciate you saying what you did. I have read most of the forms on this site so far and know now that I'm not alone in my feelings. My daughter is ten years old and told me one day that she will never marry because it's too sad. I had to talk to her explain that she shouldn't look at my marriage as an example for her own life. I don't know if I helped or not but I hope that this didn't damage my children so all I can do is talk to them make sure. Well I just wanted to express my appreciation to you for at least understanding, Ganesh

I suggest you and your husband go with [url=http://www.divorceguide.com/free-divorce-advice/divorce-faq/does-marriage-counseling-really-help-people-on-the-brink-of-getting-a-divorce.html]marriage counseling[/url]. The idea of involving another person in one's private affair is not something everybody can really accept. Some people have already closed their minds to the possibility that a third party can help repair their marriage when they think they've already done everything that could be done to save the marriage.Depending on your attitude towards counseling and, more importantly, your marriage, counseling can be a good idea or a lost cause.

I hope dyamondz01 is doing better. It has been a while since she has posted here.

It's so true that if one person wants to work on the marriage and the other does not there is no way for that marriage to survive. I just got divorced and we tried the marriage counseling, but it turns out that my ex-husband wanted something different out of the marriage than I did, and he is now together with a friend he's had for 6 years....and I didn't even know they had been in that much contact through the years.

I don't know exactly when their intimate relationship started, but my ex-husband cheated on me more than once several years back before he met his new partner. I had to deal with infidelity in the earlier years of my marriage and yet I decided to stay married to this man even though the breach of trust was terrible to live with.

I know what dyamondz01 was feeling when my marriage was ending.....the betrayal, the hurt, the loss of the man I fell in love with and married. More recently I have felt used and thrown away....I supported him through 8 years of college for a better financial future for the both of us, and now that the schooling is over I am out of his life. I tried everything until the very end to save the marriage. I just couldn't do it alone. After 19 years together, 16 years married, we are done.

I don't know if I will ever marry again, but I have since met a wonderful, caring man whom I love dearly. He treats me with more love and compassion than I have had in the last several years of my marriage. I didn't expect to find love again so soon or so unexpectedly, but it does seem like we are soulmates. Every cloud has a silver lining if we just open our minds and hearts to the possibilities.

I sure hope that dyamondz01 will be able to love and trust again, and that she is in a better situation now for herself and for her children.

Sorry if this appears to be a late reply but I just want to give my two cents about the whole situation. Divorce is a process of realization and not just a reflex so you have to make sure that you have exhausted all of your options before you finally come up with the decision to divorce. First is to bridge your gap by communicating and opening up to your partner in order to be truly honest with your relationship. A marriage counselor would definitely help in getting both of you to talk to each other without having to scream at each other. You mentioned that you have done this and didn't work, so the next thing to do is talk to your lawyer to explore options on how to approach your marriage. You can opt for separation first and see the effects it would lead to your family. With legal separation, it would give you a taste on what will happen if you take the separation long term through divorce. Of course, the children will always be the priority in a divorce, so you have to watch for their interests and not simply gain full custody of them because that is what you want. The idea here is to give you guidelines on how most divorces take place when exploring the options properly. Again, this is a difficult stage in your life so you have to be wary of the choices that you make because it will decide your future. Also, you need to learn more about the [url=http://www.divorceguide.com/]divorce advice online[/url] so that you will learn more about divorce and whether to proceed with it or not, especially since you will need a military divorce to make this happen.