BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Feeling a bit bad about being CF

I've recently had a nagging feeling about being CF. Whenever I see women with their kids, I feel that I'm taking the easy way out by remaining CF. I feel incompetent or inadequate, I don't know how to explain. Like I'm afraid of the challenges, or don't measure up to these challenges, that I want my life to be easssyyyy and drama-free. I especially feel bad when I see young women that have kids and make it look so easy. I'm almost tempted to try it (have a kid) just to prove that I can handle it too and that I have what it takes to raise one. I just think "wow, they've been through pregnancy and labor, and now they're raising 2 young kids, and what have I done? Work, travel, enjoy my husband, spoil myself...all easy stuff".

I guess I just want to prove that it's not because I decided to be CF that I wouldn't have been able to handle all the ups and downs of parenthood. I just don't have the desire to have a kid.
Anyone else has gone through this?

gullivera...First of all, I have never gone thru the 'questioning ' myself... I've never had any doubt as to which road to travel...
And, hey, what's wrong with taking the easy way---work, travel, and enjoying your husband?...

cp

Life should be enjoyed. Being child free is not taking the easy way out, it is living life on your terms. I am sure if you ask some of those young mothers none of them will say it is easy.

Bottom line is that you have to live with your choices, no one else (except the hubby). Do what you need to do for you. You have nothing to prove to anybody.

Please do not have a child to "prove" that you can do it. That is one of the worst reasons to do it.

If you want to prove something to yourself, set a goal and achieve it. Take some courses, start a business, write a memoir, climb a mountain, run a marathon...you get the idea.

And surely what the vast majority of these women with children are trying to achieve is exactly what you have already achieved - enjoying life! Your enjoyment of life is just from other channels than having a child. You have nothing to prove to anyone - enjoy life on your own terms, that's what we're here for!

What have you done? It sounds as though you've been living a great life. Why would one purposely add difficulty and drama to their life? That's plain silly. (That said, adding difficulty like taking a challenging class or training for a marathon is different; the reason being is that those are chosen challenges that will result in you achieving something that YOU desire.) We should take full advantage of choices we have in life. I don't know about you but in my opinion, the life of a parent is no more virtuous than say...the life of a teacher, a nurse, a police officer, a dr., a counselor, a scientist, an artist...we all have our contributions to society and to others. You do not need to prove that you chose the CF life for other reasons besides not being able to handle the ups and downs of parenthood. EVERY LIFE HAS UPS (achievements, good times with family/friends, great vacations, etc.) and DOWNS (health issues of ourselves or loved ones, relationships, death of loved ones, self-doublt)...whether you're a parent or not! It can be hard to go against society, leaving us to feel like , "Hey I could have done that but CHOSE not to." If you feel fulfilled in your own life...that is success!

Thank you ppl for the replies. I know I have nothing to prove, but I met 2 young mothers lately and they make it "look" like it's no big deal. One is a nurse and the other is still going to school. They still have a "life", like they go out, have friends, study or work, and take care of the kid.
When I told them that a child changes your life completely and forever, they said, "well yeah, but it's not all bad and you can still have a life". When I told them that I decided to be CF simply because I didn't desire a child, they gave me the impression that they thought it was more because I wouldn't be able to handle it, and hence made me feel inadequate. I guess it's hard to understand that some women just don't want to procreate, so they have to give it some rational reason to their choice.

But nooooooo, I would never have a baby just to prove something, I will never have a baby, period. I love my life too much as it is

youd feel worse if u had a child that grew up to be a charlie manson or lindsay lohan...lol we dont have children and love it . look at the ppl who have kids from hell...do u want that. i dont think so. kids suck money and love out of a relationship. weve seen it too many times with our friends no kid ever born is worth my marriage. take up some hobbies. there are millions of hobbies

Oh, I so know what you mean! i feel very guilty about it too, for the very same reasons. I wish I had a more vocational / helpful job, but I have a small business and apart from some voluntary work, all the money is for me (some to charity, the tax man etc.). Something that made me feel better was visiting my friend with her 13 month old baby. It really brought it home how much some people really want and enjoy having children. I suspect people with jobs such as police / teaching etc. do it for "selfish" reasons too, not just because it's for the good of society and they actually hate it! If itmakes you feel any better, consider that at some points your life may be harder because you don't have children, i.e. in old age :-)