BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Stress Management Stress with a Partner

Your partner should - in an ideal world - be the person who always has your back, who protects you and shelters you, who rides out against troubles right by your side. But sometimes it isn't quite like that, and your partner is the person who causes the stress in your life.

What do you do when that happens?

yikes. this is a tough one. After all these years with DH we are finally starting to crack how to handle this.

Mostly it has to do with me. When i start freaking out, i have to be careful not to dump my freak in Dan's direction. It doesn't go well. I have to go take a nap, or read, or go for a walk, or go break some useless things...and THEN come to him for help. He is only nice to be around when I am calm. Emotions scare him. I can't have him freaking out while i am too.

I would say that issue has to do with both of you But you are quite right that you can only change yourself. So even if the issue is half his, you can't make him change. If he doesn't take it on himself to improve, you can only work on your half.

It sounds like you have worked out a great solution. He can only help you when you are calm. So you strive to find ways to become calm before you go to him for help.

I used to listen music or, surf the net to control my emotion. He also used to keep himself inside a shell when he was stressed. After 10 years of married life gradually we have adopted a method.... we share our feelings with each other.

And this may be because of our children. As both of us faced the same child hood experience regarding our parents' stress we don't want our children to feel the same.

It is SO so important to talk with each other when you have concerns or issues. Even small ones. Maybe especially small ones, because that gets you into practice so that it is easier to deal with the larger ones when they come along.

Well, the idea of becoming calm on my own end before talking to Dan is really working. He can't handle the freak. lol

I have also noticed that when he is stressed, he spreads his stress like the plague all over my psyche. So now I am learning to be as calm as possible when HE is stressed out, in order to help drain his stress away (instead of adding to it).

Good life skills i think.

at times relationships between a man and a women become dry and stale cos of monotony. This should be got over by breaking the monotony.
I faced a same prob with ma partner few years back . but we refurbished our relationship. guess how???
I used a aphrodisiac lol. seriously it works.

Definitely if someone is actively damaging your peace and calm, you have to find coping techniques.

[color:#CC6600]can't have him freaking out while i am too. [/color] Jilly's point is well taken. Alan and I have agreed if one is being temperamental, the other will remain calm, so we don't end up escalating the drama... i am especially averse to 'scenes inna parking lot' lol

One ongoing stress that I have with my partner happens every time one of goes away for a couple of days. There have been times when he goes away with his mom, who is still living with us or I go away to visit my parents. In both circustances he is with his mom alone for 2-3 days. Every time we all get back home, they both have a real attitude. So for almost a week, I get the silent, nasty treatment from both of them. I've learned to just ignore it until he gets over it. IT's usually something his mom has had time to drill in his head about me. I've pointed this treatment out to him, he doesn't see it. Funny though even the kids notice and ask me why. It's very stressful, but I've learned not to let them see how stressful and hurtful it is. I just go about my own business.