BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "Too Young"

Hi everyone. It's been awhile since I've been on this forum and I've enjoyed reading through some threads now that I'm back. I wanted to bring up an issue I've confronted twice within the past month that really bothers me.

How many of you have gotten the "Oh, you're too young!" excuse when telling people you are child-free? I have had two people give me this in the past month. One said it after I said I didn't want children, and the other said it after I mentioned my husband. It irks me mostly because they don't know me...they have no idea the things I have accomplished with being so young.

For example, I started a real estate business when I was fifteen, met my husband (then boyfriend, of course) at sixteen, was engaged at seventeen, started a retirement account at nineteen, married at twenty, and became a homeowner at the same time. I will be twenty-two in a few weeks, and after all this, I am simply too young to know I don't want children. Of course, if I had HAD a child when I was younger, that would be okay, right? I'm old enough to have kids and gain support from family and friends, but not old enough to know I don't want kids.

My husband's sister is about my age and has three kids. Yet, at family gatherings, WE are the ones (child-free at twenty-one and twenty-seven) that gain attention rather than a twenty-two year old mother of three. I don't understand the prejudice against a simple life decision and never will. Telling people that my husband got his vasectomy the day after we came home from our honeymoon only makes people pause for a moment before they ask, "That's reversable, right?"

UGH.

I knew in high school that I didn't want kids. I was a kid myself and didn't like being around other kids all the time.

Now I enjoy telling them stories and entertaining them - but still - it is not 24/7/365.

I do not care how young you are - if you know that you do not want kids - then not having them is the correct and responsible thing to do!

ps...you are one very accomplished young lady and I think you would know what you want and don't want.

I know it's possible to be certain of what you don't want from a very young age, but other people don't seem to respect that at all. I'm 31 and I still get those comments on occasion. For some people it's just so far beyond their imagination to believe that someone could not want to experience parenthood that they refuse to accept it and so they make perpetual excuses.

Thanks for your responses. It definitely makes me even angrier because people do know everything I've accomplished with being so young. They accept that I own a business. They accept my financial and relationship stability. Yet, when it comes to kids, suddenly I'm way too young to even touch that subject!

I've jokingly (well, not really, haha) told people who ask me why I don't want kids, "Hey now, I never asked you why in the world you wanted them, so let's respect one another's opinions." Usually that gets them to be quiet.

Even bringing up my husband's vasectomy doesn't get them to behave. We ran into a customer of my husband's store one day in public whose jaw literally dropped when we told her we didn't want kids (and had went to lengths to make SURE of that). While she started to preach for having kids, her boy was climbing over the back of a chair at the furniture store we were at. She only shut up after I pointed at her son and laughed, "See, THAT'S one reason why we don't want kids."

Maybe it was mean, but I'm tired of it! XD

I am now 29 and no one ever asks me about wanting kids anymore. Could be because everyone who knows me knows where I stand on that issue.

I used to get the "you're too young" or "you will change your mind when you meet the one." For me I have know since I was 14 that I did not want kids. In July of 2008 I get Essure so that I never have to worry about an oops. I got the feeling my bf was not at peace with my decision when I got sterilized but it was my decision and if he doesn't like it he can bounce.

I agree that there is something very patronizing about the "too young to know" statement. To me it implies that the decision not to have kids is one of immaturity. Recently I sought the advice of a doc who knows my family about a vasectomy for my husband...he said exactly that to me...UGH! I think that I handled it well. I asked him why I'm not too young to get a SEX CHANGE, but I am too young to decide I don't want to be a parent...He kind of just stared at me and said, "I see your point."

P.S. How does one start a real estate business at 15?

misstalia - you handled that REAL WELL. Quick thinking. Good for you.

cp