So, I went to a party on the 4th, and of course someone saw fit to bring their baby. Now, the baby was actually pretty good, didn't cry, took a nice nap, no biggy. The other problem that happens when babies come around is that all conversations all revolve around the baby or children. I was in a pretty decent mood (2 rum and cokes in by the time they got their), so I just camped out in front of the food, crammed my face, and tried to make my own fun.
At some point, I was actually called upon to make a statement. Everyone was going on and on about how the baby (a girl) looked just like her father. My mom looks at me and goes, "D, doesn't she look just like her daddy?"
Okay, so I'm a biologist, mostly specializing in genetics. I can tell every individual in a troop of 50 lemurs apart with ease, but for the life of me I'm bad with human names and faces, and all babies look identical. Seriously. They are all small, pudgy, round faced, sparse-haired creatures. So, I looked at the kid and her parents and ran the breakdown in my head real quick: eye color, widows peak, ear lobes, etc... My response? "I do not disagree he could potentially be her father." This answer did not please anyone. I went back to my food.
Moral of this story for the childfree: Just walk away.
Moral of this story for parents: Don't ask geneticists to look at your children.
