BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What is your focus, if you are child-free?

I have been trying to figure out why people 'break down' and have kids. For some, I am sure they really want them. But for others, my sense is that their partner really wants children and they just sort of go along with it.

And really, if there is a rule book for life, it does say your fertile years should be spent raising your young.

I am trying to make my own rule book. I pretty much have to do it alone, since so many friends are (at over-40) now having first kids, or going for a second round.

In my rule book, people can do other things with their time, like travel, have long-term projects, work on goals and dreams, go back to school, change careers, focus on careers, learn languages, start hobbies, explore art, hike, paddle, explore cities and towns in your area, garden, simplify your life, become more green...there is a world out there to play in.

I feel like I have to do it alone, though, since everyone in my local world seems to be focused on procreating. :-(

It makes me feel like I should be friends with retirees or very young adults...other people who are doing things that are not kid-related. But that makes me sad - I want people in my age cohort to pal around with. Maybe I need to be more proactive in finding them?

Anyway, what do you focus on in your lives besides raising a family?

I do quite a few of those things you mentioned, but I don't look at it as being able to do these things instead of having children. It's just my life. Do I think I could be a full-time grad student, do my research, own a home, and travel internationally at least once a year (Costa Rica in 2 weeks!), if I had kids? Probably not. But, then again, owning my lovely kitties keeps me from doing certain things too, but it doesn't really feel like much of a sacrifice.

But yes, due to the fact I have no desire to have children, I do get to focus on my research, spend time with my family (i.e., my husband, kitties, mom, and siblings) and friends, travel, and well... anything I want to do:) I don't think my life is anything too exciting. Tonight, I've made plans to clean out my fridge. Ah, good times.

I don't think I have any one "thing," so to speak, that I focus on. I just don't focus on children.

I hear so many people say they have kids because "what would I do with myself if I didn't have kids." It seems there is big lack of imagination and that people feel they have to constantly be "doing something" or they panic. It seems to be very hard for people to be alone these days, to be still, to appreciate the outdoors, or themselves. They seem to be reducing panic and anxiety by constantly caring for others, and sublimating interests and needs for their kids makes them feel noble and worthwhile - perhaps disguising a inherent lack of self esteem and emptiness?? Hmmm - could be another article topic:)

For many years, my focus has been supporting my husband and his busy career. Not to mention my various addictions: quilting, home remodeling, piano playing, exercising, etc.

Next month I will be starting grad school, so everything else will take a back seat. The most awesome thing is, I can push everything else away and just focus on school. No little people monopolizing my study time!

I just hope by the time I'm done with school I will look like I'm past the age when I "should" be having children and people will stop asking...I know, I'm just dreaming.

I guess my focus right now is on fixing up my home. I have a old house now, and there is much to do. Lots of fun landscaping and gardening, turning the back cottage into an art/reading/yoga studio, and fixing up the house itself. This will all take years and will be a wonderful project. And once my studio is set up (my first task) I will start creating art!!! yay!

My focus is enjoying life to the fullest...'where should we go next'? 'what can we do next'? Travel and adventure with dh - that's what I love most and that's what I focus on. Certainly wouldn't be able to do all these wonderful things if we'd had kids - just wouldn't have the money to do it.

cp

I wanted to reply to this post because I am thinking the same thing. I am focusing on building a photography business at the moment. But I have a lot of things I want to do once my business gets off the ground. Travel, build a house, make a quilt, have a garden...so many things. I do feel like I'm part of a minority. Most, if not all of the people I know have children. I feel set apart from them in some way. And I find it difficult to meet new people because they have kids and probably feel like I can't relate to them. So I wish that you didn't have to have a baby in order to fit into society. So it was really cool when I found these posts, to see that there are others out there who are making the same choice.

I don't have any specific passion. I work from home because I am a homebody, but I also love traveling and adventure so when we save the money we like to take trips to different places. My husband is from Costa Rica so we are free to travel there as we please. We've gone to some U.S. destinations for short trips to New York City, Baltimore, D.C. and hiking in national forests for a few examples.

My day to day life is very mundane and yet it's never, ever boring. I work from 8-11 each morning then as I please throughout the day. I maintain my yard and I keep a small garden although this year it's smaller because I lacked time to care for it as I did last year.

I am very into fitness and I work out for at least one hour each day. My husband works afternoons, so if I were to have a day job as I used to, I wouldn't see him at all and I'd never be able to give him healthy meals that we both enjoy so much. On weekends after I work we spend time in the evenings watching TV or movies, taking walks, or going out, but we really don't go out much.

I love art and design as well as crafts but I never seem to have the time to do them. I adore reading but I don't have much time for that either. I imagine I'd have zero time for anything that I love if I was taking care of rugrats all day and working full time to support them. My life is perfectly fulfilling, busy, and yet not stressful. I cook, clean, mow, garden, grocery shop, work, and spend time with my husband. I couldn't ask for more.

I have way too many little valuables and family heirlooms. To bring a child into this atmosphere would be disastrous. I also have my various collections that I have literally spent YEARS building like my Dear America (Royal), and Dear Canada Series. (Not to mention my own take off series iv spent the last 10 years working on named after my own country I created.) I also collect Barbie memorabilia and Monty Python, 3 Stooges, and Beatles memorabilia. A child would wreck it all because if they're anything like I am they would like to get into EVERYTHING. I love learning. That's how I learned as a child.

we focus on being happpy mostly and living well. its not always easy dealing with family issues when the family is dysfuntional and dont want to help themselves out of their pitiful exsistence. we still have a lot of good focus, camping,, traveling outwest, yardwork, having get-togethers with friends. the thing is jilly.. for us weve been married 27 years and we pretty much know where we are headed for the next several years barring any devestaing changes. ive been retired for 8 years and things are going rather well i take care of a lot of the house chores and yard work and car maintenace so i can be as busy as i want. i really enjoy not having children in this world. i