BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Do open marriages work?

Hmmm. Kids can be glue, but there are other bonding agents. I know many childless couples who have been married for a long and happy time. Many seem to be closer than those with children because child-rearing issues don't cause stress and conflict.

In your case, your union has an added challenge of physical distance.

Just curious about what you're really seeking. Another relationship? Casual sex? What type of man would willingly engage in a relationship with a married woman? Would he be looking for a casual thing or potential long-term emotional relationship?

Did you read an article I posted on the marriage site about a website that connected married people for discrete affairs? Ashley Madison Agency or something like that.

What makes you want to stay married? BTW, you don't have to respond if my inquiries are too personal! I tend to be blunt!

Not looking for sex. i barely ever think about sex anymore. I wish I knew why, but that's a whole nother thing.

I want a companion and affection. An activity partner for hiking and wine tasting and exploring towns. Snuggling.

I have no idea why anyone in their right mind would want to date a married women, either.

Staying married because I don't want dan to stop being family to me.

I know a number of people in successful open marriages and perhaps it's a coincidence but most of them are Mensans.

Sex is just a physical activity. You could in the same manner have a "biking partner" that you biked with every weekend, if your husband hated biking. I don't imagine that people would say you were disrespecting your husband by biking with another man.

The role of women and sex has been bound by tradition for probably the entire history of mankind, with all the "a woman must be a virgin when she marries" and "a woman wears white to prove she's pure for her man" and so on. You note that the man rarely has to be chaste. The thing that matters is the woman's purity, so she only creates babies that are made by her husband.

Many societies have fluid marriage relationships. People can take on additional marriage partners, change partners, you name it. So the one-man-one-woman is not an absolute in our world.

The question in the end is what the people IN the relationship want. If both people are jealous, for example, it would never work. I am quite jealous of Bob, and he is jealous of me. So we would be NOT ideal candidates for this

But say you had two people and one person simply didn't want sex at ALL any more. And say the other person did. Should they divorce just because of a physical "fun act" one person wants to do? Say they're not jealous people at all. So every Saturday the sex-wanting person goes off with their sex partner to have fun, and the other person goes to a fascinating book club and has fun. Is it really different than other hobbies? I don't see any disrespect at all in there. They love each other, they love their time together. They just have different hobbies.

Thanks, Lisa; it's hopeful to hear it can work for couples you know.

There are some couples in our town who have open marriages--and some who aren't married but who have been committed to one another for a decade or more--and who appear to be satisfied with their relationships. So I agree with Lisa. It all depends on your and your husband's willingness to commit to each other and yet willingness to allow each other the freedom of physical contact with another without feeling negatively about it. Would you feel emotionally ok with this? Also, have you talked to your husband about it? Is he wanting this?

I think it is not easy to mange th wedding works with own hands. One can only if they has lot of experience. One can only do such a work at low level for small ceremony.

Jilly: I feel your pain. Part-time or LDRs are very difficult. Even if you try the "open" thing, chances are one or both of you will just find someone local and decide to be with them full-time. What is your motivation to allow your love to go be with someone else or vice versa? I've known two couples who tried open marriage. Both were military families. Both fell apart because once the relationship knot was untied, both men found someone else they wanted to be with more than the current wife b/c it was so much easier. The motivation to be loyal to the relationship was totally destroyed.

I agree with Catluvgal. Sounds as though you're not happy in your marriage and you're both looking to fill the void.

Normally couples who survive an open marriage tend to be very close to begin with. They are not seeking companionship, just fun. They are happy with their spouse. But from what I can tell from your post, it sounds as if you are looking for someone to fill the void your husband has left behind.

I think you both need to work at solidifying your marriage again before you make this decision. You'll probably both happily restore what you've lost or will decide to break apart.

Sorry if I'm wrong in my assumptions. I don't mean to offend you in any way. Just giving my opinion and offering some advice. Best of luck to you.

Interesting advice and thank you both.

I will be living in a studio with hubby for a few months as of next week - we will see how that goes, how we get along and such.