BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I love this board!

So happy to have randomly found this board today. I have been married for almost 2 years and I can't tell you how much it irritates me when people ask [i]when[/i] we are having kids. Everyone assumes we will (and can). Why does everyone think I HAVE TO HAVE KIDS? There are a lot of reasons why we are not planning on having kids including: physical (I have 2 uteruses & cervixes which does not make it impossible but it does make it more risky), mental (I have anxiety disorder/hypochondria and panic attacks and do not believe I could handle a high-risk pregnancy - I freak out if I have the slightest ailment, I cannot fathom having a child growing inside me) and I take medications that I cannot take during pregnancy), and no real "urge" to have my own. I'm with all of you who said you feel like you are missing a gene! I do absolutely love kids I just can't picture having my own. I feel like I'm meant for something different. I'm caring and giving and a genuine good person - why are non-moms considered horrible, selfish people? Example from Facebook today: Its sad that actually having children and making a nice family for yourself has become alien. Its sad that an increasing number of women dont ever have children. Its sad that "careers" ... See More have become the #1 and babies the #2 priority. You know me, if i could have 10, i'd have 10. There is never too many. Thats the problem with our world today... people need to stop worrying about having mcmansions, and nice cars, and the newest iphone and just shut up and have babies.

welcome, nice to have you here! I can't believe someone posted that, talk about narrow minded. If that was one of my friends I would simply reply: A) Not everyone can have children, but thanks for your compassion B) The decision to remain child free has nothing to do with accumulating more stuff (for most of us). It's about making the right decision for each person and not being forced into a lifestyle just because "that is what everyone else is doing"!

Me personally, I have a daughter and my husband feels I would be great at a daycare and maybe wants more, big BUT...

I don't see kids as cute tiny morons. I see them as full grown human beings 10 - 18 years from the time I brush paths with them.

I also see a lot of people having kids because there is something missing in their lives. They're bored, they need attention, they are trying to hold a failing relationship together or worse get compassion from an abusive one.

Between all of the shopping and decorating, it almost seems like a lot of people having kids are having them like they would if they wanted a new place to live or vacation from what they're experiencing. I mean you get 9 months in addition to the amount of time it takes to get pregnant to have that reality. But when I see them later, like 8 years or so after the child is born, it's like a different reality hit. I kind of wish the reality hit and then people would set out to take that peace filled balanced vacation from the mundane.

I would never be good at a daycare, because if a child acted like a foriegn being, I'd probably stand there tilting my head looking at him or her like they were.

Welcome, Shellbell! That is interesting about having two uteri. Do you have more than two ovaries? is it okay to ask these things? If you don't want to talk about it, that is your call.

I am CF and not a materialistic person. Whoever is making that judgement call on FB must be referring to people in their own circles, as obviously a blanket statement doesn't apply.

I wish i had CF friends under any conditions, actually. if they are materialistic I could handle that. At least they aren't baby centered. lol

Elleise, I think you are right, that some people are just bored. There's a huge world out there to play with and things to learn...and all they can come up with is to procreate? Could they not go back to school, learn a language, start hobbies, do art...those would be my choices.

But society so easily psychologically supports the having of children. And i guess it is the normal human thing to want to do.
It's such a mundane thing though. Don't people have any goals for themselves as individuals?

If I had to pick a stream-line of thinking, yours would be the most closely related I can think of.

It litterally gets an instant, "Awh......" and I can't tell you the amount of women I've encountered that use having kids to get their way, a place in line, favors, etc., just a reason to be pampered. Who doesn't like that, but like you said, can't you hold your own and just appreciate a goal or sporatic kindness.

I was once in a cooking class and one of the women there, said, "Please a mommy to be. Teach the class how to make..." she meant it too. We weren't on the subject matter of what she wanted, it was a bananna concoction. I mean look it up on the internet or something.

No one was mad or anything or rolled their eyes, it wasn't like that. It just threw the class off guard as well as the instructor and we had a time getting back to the summer marinating, grilling, camping thing at hand. We just kind of chaulked it up to hormones.

Kids grow up and lead their own lives. it is an experience but I really dislike the pressure people feel like, first we get married or live together, get a house and once that trill is done it's time for children. It doesn't always have to be like that and if it isn't there's no reason in the world a person should feel inadequate or badly.

[quote=Eleise - Clairvoyance] It litterally gets an instant, "Awh......" and I can't tell you the amount of women I've encountered that use having kids to get their way, a place in line, favors, etc., just a reason to be pampered. Who doesn't like that, but like you said, can't you hold your own and just appreciate a goal or sporatic kindness. [/quote] I know what you mean...I was at an aquarium and, as lame as it is, I've never seen a jellyfish, so, I was excited when I saw the jellyfish tank. I had a great spot against the glass when a crowd formed....this lady pushed her dang kids in front of me! When I looked around, she said "My kids have never seen a jellyfish.." Yeah, me neither!

Hi all! Jilly, I don't mind at all, I brought it up. I don't have 2 sets of ovaries (luckily, or I think I'd have double periods). It is also common to have one kidney, which I do. Strange! The technical name is "uterus didelphys"

That Facebook woman is very selfish in my opinion! Yes, there can be too many! 10 is WAY too many. Every kid uses up valuable and scare resources. I can't get over parents thinking they are so SPECIAL as people that they deserve to suck up resources by having SO many more kids than other people just because they are bored, can't deal with themselves as individuals, or can't fathom being alone for 5 minutes. When you closely question the multiple kid fanatics about their reasons for having so many those reasons are always very selfish!!

Oh my gosh, that Facebook thing is out of this world. If I were you I'd unfriend or unfollow or whatever it is you do there. I don't mind people with children but I don't want to see them babbling on like that about things they know nothing about.

Shellbell, that is very interesting! I was wondering if you had constant periods. I guess you lucked out!

Weird that you have one kidney though. I guess the other uterus needed the space!