BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids No! no no no. More friends having kids.

Sigh. I just found out - on Facebook - one of the last hold outs in my circle has decided to have a baby. At age 41. I would have thought he was safe by now.

Why do i get so SAD when this happens? I feel lonely and out of sorts.

Jilly,

I know how you feel, the only people left in my circle of friends without kids are my friends who were unable to and my gay friends. My best friend had one last year and it has changed her. She is still wonderful but different.

I feel lonely a lot .

Hugs
J

Jilly, It always makes me a little sad, too. All of my close friends have kids now (one even has a granddaughter! UGH!!), and one of the very few who doesn't is moving back east. Being CF is a little lonely sometimes (OK...often!). "I've lost a lot of friends to kids." - comedian Marc Maron

Thank you for the hugs. It's the strangest thing. I don't see why people - esp after 40 - would want to have kids. By the time you are 40, aren't you allowed to just live for yourself and do what you want to do?

I know I totally have the wrong mindset on this and that kids are supposed to be fun, a joy...blah blah blah. I just see it as 20 years hard labor per child.

I have very few childless compatriots now. And even the ones who had kids early on are now trying to go for second rounds. I don't understand it and I wish I did.

I understand. It makes sense that you would feel more alone when someone leaves your " CFCgroup." Remember though, just as those who want kids cannot affect us through their opinions and wanting us to join their "group," we cannot expect others to follow for themselves what is right for us.

I don't think that was what Jilly was suggesting Misstalia, I am guessing you are mid twenties (forgive me if I am wrong) but I think it becomes a little more poignant for those of us closer to 40. I may be wrong but I didn't feel this way til later on,

I agree with what you posted, I just don't think that was what jilly was getting at.

J

I know how you feel, All of my friends are either pregnant or have already had them. It was one of the main reasons why I joined this forum in the hope that other women felt the same, When we all do get together (the rare occasion like Christman to swap presents) I feel very isolated cause I have nothing at all to contribute to the conversation, which is really sad cause pre kids we were all like sisters and went everywhere together and would gossip throughout the day. I have now got 2 CF friends and its amazing to feel like I am me again and people are interested in what I have to say. I suppose in a few years time when the kids are able to fend for themselves or whatever, they will wake up and suddenly realise that they are the lonely ones and only really have their family to rely on and talk to? I am always here for my friends and always will be it's just a shame that they however busy they do not feel the same, especially as i'm going through alot a the mo, I would have loved the support of my oldest friends with whom we have grown as people and shared life together

Actually, I am late twenties, so you're close. What do you mean by "becomes more poignant"? Do you mean that women feel more left out at 40?

No I meant that when your just about 40 it seems that people have usually made up their mind and for some reason whether it be the last tick of the biological clock, whammo, pregnant. It just seems more unexpected!

Right, at over-40 I would think that the CF friends were 'safe' now, for me (in my selfish thinking of wanting them to focus more on a friendship with me, than becoming wrapped up in family).

Mainly I am venting about my feelings. Certainly I can't say to my friend, "eesh, how horrible; why are you doing this?"

I have to smile and say, "congrats! How wonderful," and try not to look insincere. I don't want to completely lose my friend. :-)

Although, really, the point is moot. Once a former CF friend has a child I essentially do lose the friend - I am no longer important to their priorities. They have no time to go play with me.

So I am just whining to people I hope might understand. I am increasingly marginalized to the people I was once important to.