BellaOnline Forums Family Moms Help! Daughter lies to me and orchestrates "trip"

I just found out my daughter, who is getting married the end of next month, lied to me in a big way. Multiple lies. She told me she wanted to go help out at a church camp for a couple of weeks, "just to get away before I get married". I was a little miffed because she would be leaving me here to deal with all the wedding issues, while she's off having her fun, but I didn't say much and let her go with good wishes. Come to find out she wasn't there at all, but traveled 5 states away, taking a bus there and back and who knows where. I found out by alerting her to charges on her banking acct from another state--which then she admitted were hers. She visited my thrice married, alcoholic sister who lost her son when she went to prison--while on her trip. While I wouldn't have cared if she was going to bible camp to help, or making a trip to visit my sister, the part that hurts so much is that she lied about the whole thing, before, during and after. She planned this weeks before she left. I am hurt, betrayed and my relationship with her has been damaged. I can't stand to look at her. We've always been close, and that hurts even more. I don't know how to act or what to do. I feel like kicking her out of the house and telling her she's on her own for her wedding. And if she lied to me, what would stop her from lieing to her husband in the same way once she gets married? I am tempted to call HIM to see if he condoned her plan or even if he knew about it. HELP!

Hi there,

I can feel the hurt and betrayal - it cuts like a knife to be exact but I wouldn't take action.

I would calmly tell my daughter how I felt.

In all likelihood the sister may have said something like come on out and we'll have a get together or party for you. Maybe the daughter had doubts and wanted to bounce them off of someone who isn't paying for or planning the wedding.

If she's going through with the wedding, she should have a home of her own afterwards. Throwing her out would just feel awful after the deed was done. You'll say you didn't mean it and that will open up an entirely different can of outcomes.

If lieing really is a newly found attribute of the duaghter you didn't know was there before, it's going to be really sticky, if the two "move in" to "save money" and over the long haul you end up having to deal with different stories or being a pawn.

Sometimes no matter how someone else feels about us, there's little we can do becasue no matter how much we love them, we'er just seen as over protective, overly sensitive, etc. they just need a 3rd party. If truly there is lieing going on, telling your daughter, again, calmly how you felt and discussing future living arrangements, not threats, but concerns about how potential indescretions could affect everyone involved, living there or not may make her more aware and less likely to hide other things that will undoubtedly happen in the future