BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence I need some advise/help

I've been with my abuser 17 yrs. I got with him when I was only 14. We have 3 children 10, 4, and 2. He's always been physically and emotionally abusive. I have no friends and I'm basically estranged from my family, he basically doesn't let me have any contacts. Its gotten worse these past few years and I just need to go. I know what I need to do its just how to do it thats stopping me. I would have to leave the state, thats a must. His family history tells me he'll never stop. The thing is I dont know anyone anywhere else and starting life with small children in a new place is really scary to me. I wouldnt even know how to go about finding a place and having things ready so I can just bolt. The only help I have is that I am on section 8. If anyone has any advise for me, I'd really appreciate it.

Im sorry to hear what ur going through:( I just recently got out of a relationship like that, cant give u any advice other than leave. Things will get better,thats the only thing I think about now. Big hug to you and good luck.

My situation is similar to yours with the exception that I do not have childen... I have been isolated from my friends and family and he has been physically emotionally financially and sexually abuseive...It is truly hell... I am lookin into leaving the state... From NY to FL.... My best advice for you is to first call the DV hotline and talk to someone who can help you come up with an exit plan and get you into a shelter..... When I called and spoke about going into a shelter they said that some shelters have it set up where you are in "hiding" for about 3 months. From there they will help you find housing... In order to enter a shelter out of state you have to prove that you are still in danger while in the shelter.... Out of state shelters wont except you because some how crossing state lines means you are in "less danger"....I hope my explanation makes sense...:( but like I said call the hotline when you have the chance..They are a BIG help! One thing that you do have as a +..(if you want to call it that) is that you have children.. It is easier to get help when you have children.... Please keep me posted on your situation...And although we are in the same boat I would love to help in any way that I can..We do not deserve to live like this...Keep your head up...It will get better

Lost in NY...dont mean to pry but are you in NY state or NY city?? I'm in the city area.

Im in the city. Im looking to go down to Fl as well or California. The thing with a shelter is I really dont want to put my kids in a shelter. If it was just me it would be different.

Really??!?! Well I'm going to FL in about 2 months once the money situation gets better! If I had room in my itty bitty ride I'd say come with! But if there is anything else I can help with please ask.. I am in S.I..... I know how you feel about shelter because I am the same way...although its just me.. But you gotta remember that shelters arent permanent! And although you have your doubts a shelter can provide more comfort and peace than he can... If you would like to message me privately you can.

hi there.. have you tried safe horizon? maybe you should stop by there and ask them for some advice. i think they can help you get out of your situation. it's never easy to leave...and a lot of times we leave and go back because we feel so hopeless and even blame ourselves. i blamed myself for years. i thought since i fought back that it was my fault.. then i had my son and i stopped fighting back. i used to blame it on his drinking and then it began happening in the middle of the day, when he was sober. i was running out of excuses and feeling less and less that the blame was on me... but i still felt trapped and couldn't seem to find the courage to leave for good. it wasn't until my 2 year old son saw him put his hands on my neck and push me into a wall that i knew i had to not leave just for myself. so the best advice i can give you is look at your children, find your strength and know that you are not trapped. there is always a door somewhere.. you just need to find it. don't give up. when i was sitting in the airport with my son, waiting for out plane a huge part of me wanted to get up and leave.. to not get on that plane. it took everything in me to stay there.. to get on that plane. it broke my heart that my son was not going to be with his daddy... but i knew in the end it was best for us both if i left. if you want to leave the state maybe make that a goal for a little later and right now make an easier goal of just getting out of there.