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I think psychopathism (i dont know if its a word even ;) ) runs in families. I am sure it is genetic. Ofcourse he and his family are going to act like this. Its their defence mechanism u see. Thats how they are dealing with this, by rejecting you and acting as if u didnt matter. My inlaws even had the nerve to tell my family that "OH WE HAVE SO MANY PROPOSALS FOR OUR SON, WHERE WILL YOUR DAUGHTER GO? WHO WILL MARRY HER? SHE IS SECOND HAND NOW". Even now they act as if im a nobody. The way i understand is that this is how they are protecting their ego. You left him. Always remember that this is a kind of a slap in their faces. Now they will obviously act as if they are okay without u, ure the one who is crazy, ure the one who will be on the losing side, this n that. This is just to make u feel that he and his family were doing a big favor to u by keeping u in their family. You know my husband used to tell me that "ure such a whore, im treating u in such a way that u dont deserve, u deserve to be treated like a dog, im doing u a huge favor that i dont kick u out of the house, had there been any other guy he would have left u on day one"....and i actually believed that. I believed that i didnt deserve better, thati deserved his abuse that maybe if i had married any other guy, he would have treated me in a manner far worse than this. I hated myself. I hated looking in the mirror. I had stopped taking care of myself and it all happened in a span of three and half years. Three years before marriage, six months after. I hated the way i looked, i was feeling so much complex, about my height, my complexion, my husband used to tell me that i wasnt a good researcher (i am a gold medalist in my field), that my english was poor, he used to taunt me all the time that look ur english is so poor... Now i know, that the only reason my supervisor gave him a job was because he wanted ME to work for him. And all the time, my husband used to tell me otherwise. So u see, he andhis family will lie through their teeth to make u feel worthless. U know, try to understand what is ur worth. Everybody is worthy of a good life. U are special to ur family. U will never be special to his family. Stop trying to gain their approval. There is a saying in our culture that goes like this that "only a jeweller can recognize the worth of a diamond". His family will never like u, because ure not like them. Ure not a psycho. They will like someone who is just like them, they will be happy when they will meet their match. Take care of urself...In some other place i advised somebody to dress up nicely, maybe for that person it wasnt a good advice because she is still living with her abuser and there are chances that he would get suspicious. My thinking behind that was to build up confidence, if u dress nicely, eat properly, ur confidence level boosts up. But u have left him, he doesnt see u, so there is no harm for u to take up good activities. Good luck !

Thank you Lostforever, you are being a big support to me.And I am so sorry that you had to go through all this. I had to talk to him earlier because of the kids and now he is being so nice. I told him that I had heard what his mom is saying and he said that he had already talked to her and told her not to do it.But its pretty obvious she is because some people she knows have deleted me on facebook. He then asked me if I were saying something on facebook...I just told him no, I am not doing that,ive got the kids to think about. But I started to think why is he worried I say something on facebook if everything is my fault? Before he left I told him that its unfair to say everything is my fault he is to blame too, he didnt answer that. And just for my satisfaction I said to him ,well what is there to talk about ,I am very happy now and I assume you are too, he didnt answer that one either. I cant help it but it makes me worry a little why he is being so nice,he is usually not so nice to me.

Well people like him are always concerned about their image in front of other people. They are sociopaths, charming outside, evil inside. My husband used to say so much about me on facebook even when we were together. After i left him, he himself blocked me, removed me from his friends list. Later i commented on my wall about something, which was very vague and one of his friends reported this to him. He came charging to my office and threatened me that if i dared to say anything about him, he will see to it that the whole world spits on me. He has been blackmailing me also, which is really pathetic as he is my husband, ethically he cant do that. Anyways, dont fall for his nice attitude. He wont change. Its a temporary phase. He is incapable of feeling guilt, my husband used to apologize to me all the time but i could read his face very well. He never felt guilty about anything, thats why i will never go back to him. ONLY THOSE PEOPLE CHANGE WHO FEEL GUILTY. If a person doesnt feel that he has done anything wrong, if he doesnt feel guilty, how can he change? Saying sorry and actually feeling guilt are two very different things. There were many times, when my ex hit me, then said sorry, mostly because he always wanted to have sex after beating me up. After having sex, he would say that he said sorry to make my mood better and to end the fight. And i was usually too afraid of being hit again to say no to his demands of having sex. He is being nice, because he wants you to re-think. Someone once told me that NEVER TRY TO UNDERSTAND EVIL. You will become psycho urself if u keep on thinking why is he doing this? why is he being so nice? has he changed? stop trying to understand him. UNDERSTAND YOURSELF. Sociopaths are not able to feel remorse. That is why he is always blank when you talk to him. The last time i talked to my husband, i asked him if he felt guilty and if he thought that what he did to me would come around in front of him some day and if he realized that God is watching him and one day he will have to answer HIM (we are muslims)? He gave me such a blank look that i immediately realized that he doesnt have a conscience. People like him and ur ex never think that their actions will have any consequences on their lives. All i want to explain to you is that dont try to understand him. Get back on ur feet first. You know, the worst kind of revenge you can get from such people is to show them that YOU CAN SURVIVE WITH0UT THEM AND CAN ACTUALLY LIVE HAPPILY.

Ive read your story and I got tears thinking what you have gone through. I will never understand why people think they can do this to another person, and Im not gonna try to understand,wont be able to,just gonna move on. I know it will take time to understand why I didnt leave sooner. When I went to my sister that day she asked me "are you gonna forget this like you have forgotten everything else he has done to you". Ive been thinking a lot about that question, how could I believe its my fault when someone throws a toaster at me, hits me so hard I had to go to a hospital ,stops the car at the highway and throws me out because he thinks I was looking at other men ,putting his hands on my throat and kick me on the floor after my sisters wedding because he thought I talked to much with other men there..(his mom witnessed that)..and the list goes on.... and the money thing...im a designer...successful and do well but he always thought I could do more....and he had always spent my money before I got it...he was never happy until there was nothing in my account. The second day in my new apartment I went and bought new sheets and other little things in my home ,I didnt have to ask him and I could choose ,its amazing how a small thing like that made me feel good because everything was as he wanted in "our" old home. And also I ordered a pizza ,a very normal thing to most people but he controled all that before so it made me feel great....

Oh its good you are financially independent. Buy nice things for urself, that helps. My husband didnt give me a single penny that i earned and didnt like it if i asked him that i wanted to buy something. His sisters interfered so much that they kept telling him all the time, oh dont let her buy new clothes, she has so many of them already. When i was packing my suitcase to come here to join my husband, they were looking and going through my stuff so greedily and later they kept saying that why do i have so many clothes? I didnt buy a single thing when i was with him, and for a person like me who loves to shop, it was a complete torture. :) Im kind of a addicted to shopping so you can well imagine how i felt wheni used to see all those beautiful things andi had money also but couldnt buy anything as he controlled everything and spent only on himself. Now, whenever feel depressed. i go out and buy something nice. The first time i ordered a pizza, i felt like i was having a luxury. :)))) Oh i can really relate to you. I know the feeling...

I totally know what ur talking about, but for the last 6 months or so I became a little "rebel"....I did go and buy things and went through the fights when I came home and name callings, said no when he needed my money, but I always lost that fight though, in the end he got the money cause I couldnt take it anymore. He talked about for hours how I owed him for this and that.I also started to see some of my friends and go out and there was never peace in the house after that...I just felt like I didnt want to live like this...its not a life. And the pizza ,its amazing how that little thing can give you a little power, I felt like I was in charge somehow. Im gonna go tomorrow and buy more sheets so I can throw all the old ones out...begin again. My older son asked me yesterday why his dad always wanted to be alone or just with his family...and he also said that now he would get a new grandmother (my mom) and he was looking forward to knowing her cause she had always been nice to him when he had met her...I feel very guilty that I did this to my 2 children and my family but we got a new start and my mom is coming over to stay for a while and getting to know us all ......

Sunna - Most alcoholics are abusive but not all abusers are alcoholics, if that makes sense. My abuser never ever drank. He blamed his high blood pressure medication but even when he was on that he was abusive.

I love how there are so many supportive people here.

Yes your children deserve peace and love in their lives. Enjoy ur freedom, have fun and be safe...

Yes there is a lot of support here...I just bought a book about this on Amazon...something I would never had done without coming in here.. Thank u so much:)

@ lostforever...I apologize if you took what I said as us having the same exact story.... I 100% understand that your post was your life.. But there are a lot of SIMILarItiES in our stories... Abusers typically are all made up of all the same ingredients.. Some use more or less in certain areas and all hope to have the same outcome. To dominate us and have complete and udder control. I couldnt applaude you enough for making the steps to leave him. And stay gone! Like you I too left and upon my return he pulled a knife out on me and put it to my throat. I thought that struck me as weird because I've never heard of men wasting no time to re-instill fear and doing the unthinkable to get it. Although I do no know you I look up to you. I too want to have a happy ending to my story. Be safe and God Bless!