BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Not sure I want kids, my husband does

I'd like to know the answer to that as well. I think it is all about ego, at least it is for my husband, who I won't be married to anymore after next week because the divorce will be final. I think my husband believes that he has something to prove to himself or other people.

It sickens and saddens me, as I offered to consider adopting or fostering an older child (maybe 6-10 yrs old) because I know I can't handle babies and toddlers. My husband flatly refused and chose to end our marriage instead. My feeling, which I told him, is that every child deserves love and a good family life, but he would not consider the unfortunate children already in the system who need a loving home. Neither adoption nor fostering was acceptable to him.

He wants babies as a result of what his own body can produce, and to me that is just selfish, for one just considering our ages (I am almost 43, and he is almost 40). Plus our financial situation is bad right now and if he can't afford to let me take our two dogs to the vet for their annual vaccinations, I don't know how the heck he intends to support a family. That concern of mine also fell on his deaf ears and he still thinks he is in a position to be a father. Selfish...

Thanks again for the feedback everyone. I have been thinking alot about it lately and now am more leaning toward having a child but still have some things to work out. I would like to hear some stories of women who were just as scared as me but it worked out? I just wish there were a way i wouldn't have to go thru pregnancy! ugh

Also, cassie- i'm sorry it worked out that way. I don't get it either. I just know apparently it is THAT important to people. I would like to think that my spouse and i are the most impt beings to ea other above all else but some don't see it that way. I hope things are ok and even get better for you. Thanks for sharing your story.

Pleased to hear you are working through it upsetandconfused, I feel a lot more peace in your post. All the best, J

upsetconfused: Thank you for your concern. The divorce is final now. I do have moments of sadness, which is understandable considering that I loved a man for 19 years and had a marriage with him for 16 years. That life is hard to disengage from and it will take time for me to get over the hurt, regret, and sometimes bitterness. But I do go to counseling and I have a great support system of family and friends.

I have discussed on other threads here that I do have a new man in my life now. It was a matter of timing and pure chance that we crossed paths at all, and I think it was really meant to be. This man puts me first, and he is the most loving partner I have ever had. He makes me laugh and he is very kind, considerate, and giving. The relationship is so easy and natural, it is like we have known each other for years. He has one child and does not want another one, and he is talking about getting a vasectomy so that I can get off the pill.

Life is indeed better, and I thank my lucky stars for the good that has come out of a very painful situation. I haven't been this happy in a very long time. I wish you peace and happiness in your life too.

That irks me. (More like pisses me the [censored] off for VERY legitimate reasons.) Others who actually think hearing someone else's story will "help" them decide. Well guess what? It won't. Don't think for one minute second that someone else's "story" is going to influence your own. Why? Because THEIR life has positively, undeniably, absolutely not one, NOT ONE inkling to do with yours. To put it bluntly, just because THEY were fine in the end and it "worked out" with them, does NOT mean that it will be all hunky dory for you too. THEIR life is NOT YOUR life. Period. Mo maybe, no buts about it. Fenito. Nada. Zilch. Don't let someone else's problem dictate your own. (I say problem because hell spawns are just that - problems.) Think about what YOU really want because ultimately nobody can choose but you. As for the little line of "I wanna hear stories about others that worked out?" *shudders* (Ugh. Why?) Hate to burst your little pink bubble but THIS particular forum was intended for those who DON"T want children. EVER. So why on Gods green earth would anyone have a story such as that? FYI: Your in the WRONG forum. This is the Child FREE forum. Not the "Maybe Child Free". If I sound "mean", okay. If that's how its got to be. Wasn't trying to be, I was just being blunt, realistic, and to the point. Remember, only you can decide so stop asking others to help you. Unfortunately it just doesn't quite work that way. (I got VERY lucky. My hubbs wants kids, at the same time he firmly believes that if he never haves them it wont kill him either. His exact words to by cynical, teary, self-inflicted emotional wounds? "As long as I have you." Makes me wanna cry all over again. In happiness. -------------------------------------- Hell Spawn Free & Enjoying Life

Kuriko, I see you are pretty new in this forum, I am a regular here: people are very open, come from different backgrounds and have different stories to tell (as well as different reasons not to have children, including not being able to). The whole point of a forum is people exchanging experiences. Respect is the only thing that should matter, if someone would like to hear a certain type of story, there is nothing wrong with that. I think the tone of your post is a lot more offensive that someone asking for other people's experiences. You noticed you were being mean, you could have edited a little if you didn't want to offend anybody. If you are merciless with people who have doubts, there are other forums for you too.

Kurico, I appreciate that you have always been certain about your decision regarding children. I too have made the decision to remain childfree however for me it was a long process to make that decision. If it weren't for the people here (the only place it seems that people really understand) I don't know what I would have done or where I would have found someone to really hear my fears, concerns and worries. It turns out many of them have been in the same situation and can help. Show a little compassion, it's not hard.

"Don't think for one minute second that someone else's "story" is going to influence your own. Why? Because THEIR life has positively, undeniably, absolutely not one, NOT ONE inkling to do with yours. To put it bluntly, just because THEY were fine in the end and it "worked out" with them, does NOT mean that it will be all hunky dory for you too. THEIR life is NOT YOUR life. Period. Mo maybe, no buts about it. Fenito. Nada. Zilch. Don't let someone else's problem dictate your own. (I say problem because hell spawns are just that - problems.) Think about what YOU really want because ultimately nobody can choose but you." Oh aye? Stop dictating to people what they should do then, you f*cking a*rsehole.