BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Newbie here from the UK

Well, there are huge expectations about giving birth - traditionally religious pressure and now government. At the end of the day therethey are vested interests - it is good for religious numbers/ new consumers. I am not against children at all but the pressure on women is strong and insidious. You should not feel you have to justify your choice - some might say the world is already overcrowded and we are really weeds from an ecological perspective so fewer humans is a good thing - regardless of our environmental impact there are huge numbers of kids who are poor and die every day due to malnutrition (go to India to see this). This is a bit rambly but I feel that it is sad that there is such pressure on woman to confrom to an 'ideal' that is not right for them.Resist and stick by your guns. There are millions of lonely people in the world - turn your attention to them - the elderly, the sick, the poor.

Hi Helen! Yay! Someone else from the UK. As KKAT says, you shouldn't have to justify your decision to anyone - but we live in the real world and we constantly have to do that. Maybe just leave it for a bit if they aren't believing you - my current method when people ask when I'm having children is just to say 'not yet' (because I'm obviously not pregnant idiots!) or give an excuse about the wedding/buying a house/job. You have a few more years until they really lay into you and living childfree is probably the only way you're actually going to be able to persuade them you are serious in your choice. At least you and your future husband are on the same page with the child issue. Anyway, welcome to the forums and congratulations on the wedding!

Awww Thank you for the welcome, I will start replying to some of the forums now :) I have an amazing future husband and we have such a fantastic life together and do everything and anything we want to do and I love it , I wouldnt change that in anyway shapre or form, I'm so happy but the only thing that makes me sad is I miss my friends I am really struggling with friendships over being CF. I have friends whom I have classed in the past as more like sisters but now they have families I really have nothing in common with them anymore which I find really sad not just because of our friendship but the social aspect of having friends, someone you can just ring up or nip out for some food with,nights out and gossips none of that is possible anymore,well it is but they dont want it :( I have tried fighting for my friends but they are non responsive and only ring me when its xmas or birthdays or they want to feel popular and want me there just to make up numbers,when we do meet up we really have nothing to say anymore or I have to listen to them drone on about their family life!! The sad thing is one day once their children are all grown up it will be them who feel lost and lonely but when I explain this to them, they just say they are too busy to care etc.. I have no need to fill my life with children or feel any need at all for them, Anyway, its nice to see others CF has anyone seen a dramatic decline in friendships or is it just me who have stepford wives as friends?? Thank you for contributing Helen x

Hi Helen, welcome along! There is a wealth of support here and no matter what you feel chances are that someone has felt it/lived it too! Yes, I do think some ofmy friendships have changed but so have I so it's ok, I see some people less often but that's ok too, life changes, I may not have as much in common with them now but I ok with that, I accept them, they accept me (I'm sure some of them don't understand my decision too) friendships and life is organic, if we are true friends, the friendships will survive. All the best J

Your probably right, I'm sure they get bored listening to me droning on about where we are going or what we are doing Maybe them having children has just pushed the natural split forward? I could never imagine them not in my life but as you said if they are true friends the friendships will survive?? i'm not that sure they will, but we will see how it goes

To keep a friendship going when something changes needs both parties to work at it - if a friend moves away it takes effort to make visits, call every so often etc. The problem is even if you still want it to work, maybe once the baby comes along they don't have the time or inclination to work at other relationships. I think a lot of friends who have babies forget this and end up with the 'friends' they have the most in common with (ie. a baby) and that it's easy to arrange to see (ie. daytime play dates etc.) A childed friend was saying to me once how lonely and distant she felt from everyone as the only people she ever saw socially were when other women brought their babies over so I guess both sides feel this way sometimes. I'm a few years behind you age-wise but I barely see the vast majority of my friends from high-school who have settled down in their home town and had babies whereas the ones I do see are university friends whose main concerns do not revolve around a human who can do nothing more interesting that blow bubbles or fill a nappy! I guess having a baby does make a very definite barrier between you but you should be able to keep up with close friends at least even if it involves visiting during the day and letting them bring the baby!