BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Just looking for support

I am 29, having unprotected sex for two years, it seems every girlfriend/sister I have is pregnant. Most of them on their second or third child. I have no child-free friends and no one to understand my feelings. I'm not sure if I can or can't have kids, but it seems I may not be able to. It's not that I'm desprate for a kid, but I always thought that was the next step in my life. I'm scared and alone.

AllieKitty,

I always believed that when I grew up, I was to get married, have kids, stay at home with them, etc... I did exactly that and never once regretted it.

But it is best for one to live the way they want to live, what is right for them rather than what society predicts or expects.

It would not be wise, I think, in this day and age, to have kids just because it is expected. Many people are enjoying a happy life, even marriage, without having kids. It is much more common and accepted now than ever.

You will find many others in this forum who do not have kids, who are happy, and can help you understand what you are going through. Whatever you choose to do in life I wish you well. You will find your path, your happiness - hang in there, and know that many others understand and are willing to help you feel ok about your feelings and your choices.

Alliekitty, It still may be you can have kids as it often takes a long time to conceive as you would be aware. I think the best thing to do is have tests if that is the way you want to go and then you will know your options. In the meantime, read through the forum, there are those of us here that chose childfree and others that found they were unable and also those with kids too! Each of us has had our own journey to come to our decisions, some knew early on and others like me struggled for a long time but ultimately we are are all happy well adjusted folk that are often misunderstood. There is a wealth of information here, use our experiences to guide your way, whichever way that may be! Good luck J

Alliekitty, I, too, always expected that having kids was the next life step after getting married. When I was 23, and before I got married, I found out that I may not be able to concieve. Even then, I was relieved. It took me a long time to realize that I really didn't want to have kids, I thought I did because, well, isn't that what everyone does? What society expects? I understand how it feels to be surrounded by friends with kids, and I still feel awkward telling people that I have no kids by choice, especially when speaking to people who had so much difficulty concieving. And, at times, I still feel that something is wrong with me because I lack that maternal instinct. Keep checking in with the forum...there are more people here that understand than you may realize. Good luck!

If you're having unprotected sex, I assume that you must be trying to conceive. In that case I hope it works out for you. I should also mention that having a child is not something one should do to fill a void ("I feel alone.") or to fit in with others ("every sister/friend I have is pregnant.") You need to find what's missing in your life within yourself...maybe you need to follow a passion more actively?