BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence My Experience...

So these past couple of days I have been emotionally spent. I feel as though I do not know where to turn and honestly I'm starting to feel like I am going to die. And people will say "well she did ask for help." I dont know why that pops into my mind but I'm so close to giving up and living with what I'm going through. Wednesday morning I was talking to my mother and she insists that I stick around and "stick it out". She is convinced some how that he will change or I will learn to deal. I couldnt believe her response! I want better I want to be happy..I deserve it... but when I tell her I plan to leave state she thinks of 10 reasons why I should stay. I have only one to leave. I want happiness. That morning I called the National DV hotline and spoke to an amazing woman who told me in the calmest voice while I cried and cried "sweetie he wont change". Although she said that my plans to leave would be best. She told me I should be more "realistic" with my plan. And that I should stay locally. That is not what I want. She said seek a refund for the car I'm paying for...I dont want to do that... She said look into shelter in FL...which I didnt want to do because I dont need shelter out there. I would have that. But I called anyway and there is basically nothing they can do being that I would be coming from NY and not in "immediate danger". I called the workforce place out there and they said that there arent really any jobs out there........I also found a "counselor" near me.. He just sat there and didnt really say much. It was very disconnected and sort of cold..... I'm thinking I would do better in a group setting. Whats wrong with me? Am I being too picky? I know what I want and thats to leave and go to FL with my car and a job waiting for me. Are my standards too high or am I being too hard on myself? At this point I cant tell. I just wish someone would give me "the right answer" I left once on uncertainty and I cannot do it again. I am so unsure on whats right. Please help.

Maybe you could look online for a room mate, or start applying online for jobs? Do you have anything/anyone in Florida? Since it's summertime now, I'm sure plenty of places are going to be hiring for seasonal jobs. My sister used to live in Florida and there were several different jobs she worked.

Yeah I have family in FL. now and I got some good advice from them as to how to start my search for a job. I have a place to stay already....I'm just feeling really bummed because they just told me that they are moving out to Cali. in the beginning of next year..And although I'm welcome to go I've never been out there and if I stay in FL. it would just be me....

You can always make new friends.

Well if they are leaving at the beginning of the year, that gives you about 5 months to get down there, get a job, and save every penny you have to get your own place. You may not have anyone after they leave but you will be safe away from him. I am usually shocked when mothers have the response that your mother had. When my step-mom, yes step-mom, found out I was being abused, she hit the roof and told me she would be there the next day to help me pack if I needed it. I know if my daughter called and told me her boyfriend or husband was hurting her, I would go get her and hide her in the attic or basement if I had to. You need to do what is best for you, don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says. Yes, listening to their advice is good but you are responsible for you!

Yeah I know!! Although I'm not a mother I know that I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure that my child was safe. Especially being that I myself have been through the same situation! I was shocked and outraged....I do have to do what I have to do to ensure my own safety. I have decided to do exactly what you have advised BEFORE I even read your reply! I guess great minds think a like!!! The advice you give is always much anticipated! Thank you so much!!!!!!

Yeah I definetly can! @ New2Bella. At this point I've become an introvert but I know its due to my situation. Where it is that I end up I plan to go to group counseling and become more open!!!

Hi. I think you should go fl and stay with family. It'll be about 5 mnths yes, but my suggestion is to go as soon as you can safely. And when you get there take any and I mean any job you can get to help you stayed distacked and so you can save money. I also think you so cut yourself some slack and give yourself a month or so grace time to cry ext, aloow yorself to feel sad but able to breath some what mentally freely again. THen push yourself beucase other will or wouldnt push you and you'll be surpressed who helps you and who dont seem to care as much as much as they first appeared or you want them to. I left my home state and moved to fl,t o get away from my husband and i had baby with me. I stayed with family for a time, but am now wiht my parents again, maybe until I can get my own place. But feel leaving as far as you can where he can't find you or go after you is the best choice you'll ever make. I read books, and i desparetly wanted to go group counsoling, but as soon as I found a shelter where I could attend calsses, I had to move again. The main thing I want to tell you is that the shetler I visited told me that I might have gotten $1,500 in relocation money if I came to them within 30 days of being in fl and other services. I not saying its a grantity but its a hope a possiblity a chance that you need to try and get. Good Luck. I still go through ups and down and trying to wait until I move again to work, but it's hard.

Yeah I have decided to go down to FL. I think the money that you are talking about is because you have a daughter. Shelters are more understandable and with great reason to people with children. I will allow myself to cry and let it all out! I cant even think about being in another relationship..I do not trust my judgement on men. I too want to go to group counceling but I can't right now because every movement is questioned by him. So when I leave I will be getting some help. I think that will help the healing process too. One book that I recommend to you since you love to read as I do! is Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft! YOu have to have to have to read that book! it sheds a lot of light on the things we go through. Please keep in touch. And be safe