BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Moving on to a new relationship

I know this conversation is an oldie but it is a goodie to rekindle I believe. If you read up there, you will read my story about Chuck. At the time I wrote that it was 2006. Now in 2010, Chuck and I are still together. In fact we were married May 2007 and renewed our vows this past May. He also experience domestic violence in his past with an ex and had trust issues as well. We are still going strong. We have come a long way emotionally, we have learned better communication skills and how to handle our anger.

So I pose the question to everyone again, have you found a solid relationship after going through abuse? Or has the cycle gone on for you?

To Skyhaven: Jealous how? Can I ask you that. To Jeanette: I have an other than me ex-boyfirend more than ten year gap. That I think I'll always care for and treated me well. We remained friendly but not talking frequently, my doing until recently. I called him because I need a male in my courner that I could trust to knwo that all men aren't as bad to women as my hisband was to me. I am too scared to restart a realtionship with him, but he respects me and I want to keep him as a friend because I know we wouldn't work for the same reasons plus, I want to live eslewhere soon and most of all I don't want to cause neither of us more pain. But I talk to him only on days i feel and need to and I can handle it emotinally.I realize I still healing from by husband and I'm scared in many ways but I am desparetly trying to fix myself so I can give love a chance someday with someone new that would love me (in a healthy way) and my kid more than another man ever has before.

I don't think it ended because of my past, It ended b/c I saw right away that I was making the exact same mistake (another violent jealous possessive controlling jerk). Now, when my friends introduce me to someone "He's a Really Nice Guy", I'll go out on the date. One 'RNG' let go of the restaurant door when an elderly couple was going thru. One thought his new cars' paint job was more important than me - so he parked it waaaaay far away and had me walk, which is obviously a struggle. One kept calling women 'his 'ol lady' 'my ex 'ol lady', etc. EW. Which made me very proud of myself that I am not making excuses for THEIR behavior, and not willing to put up with thoughtlessness. Which makes me know that I value myself (finally). I spend a lot of time evaluating myself, too: When and how did I serially give up my independence, dignity and dreams in the name of (toxic) love? And, how am I going to make sure it never, ever happens again? And, that's where I'm at.

A friend of mine has been really supportive to what i have gone through. He admitted to me at one point that he would like to have a relationship and that he always liked me, ever since he knew me. But i dont know i started avoiding him after he told me this. I feel angry and depressed and sad most of the time and i dont know if i would ever be able to feel again. Or maybe its too early for me. I need a lot of time, a lot of time before i can think about another person.