BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships accidentally found his porn stash

I thought maybe you ladies could give me advice on what to do. I was looking on his computer for some pictures he took on a recent vacation, but instead I stumbled across a large number of porn pictures. They are fairly normal stuff, nothing illegal or super weird, but the thing that really disturbed me were some pictures of a friend of mine. They were just copied from her facebook, but why the heck were they in his porn file? He also had some pictures of his ex (from 3 years ago) in her underwear, and several pictures of me. So, should I confront him about it? I don't mind the porn, just the pictures of my friend and his ex.

I think you have a reason to be weirded out. You're right. It's not the porn, but the pics of his ex and your friend. Maybe he just isn't good about clearing out his pics files so the photos of the ex just got neglected. But the pics of your friend are another story.

How committed are the two of you? If your relationship is casual, I wouldn't say anything. If you are pretty serious, I'd open dialogue. "Do you have a thing for my friend?"

It's one thing to fantasize about nameless, anonymous faces and bodies but totally another thing to fantasize about real people in your social circle.

Yeah, that was exactly what creeped me out. We have been together 2 years, and live together now, so I would say we are pretty committed. The friend in question actually moved away about a year and a half ago, so maybe he's had them for a long time and forgot about them. Still doesn't change the fact that he saved them in the first place, even though our relationship wasn't as serious at that time.

Ok, I just checked the date that the pictures were saved. They are from 2 months ago... I definetely need to ask him about this, just not sure how to bring it up without sounding either crazy or jealous. I know if I had random pics of his friends saved on my PC he'd be weirded out too. Who wouldn't?

My husband just said he would be weirded out if I saved pics of his friends or my ex.

Use a nonjudgmental tone and approach him like, "What's up with this?" and "How would you feel if I saved pics of ___ (insert name of his buddy)?"

I am not an alarmist, by any means, and I don't get too nuts over little things in a relationship. But, I really don't know how serious this is. I'm certain that it is not uncommon among men (and even women) to fantasize about their mates' friends. Some people are cool with it (look, don't touch) while others just don't want to know (look, don't touch and don't let me find out.)

If there is nothing lacking in your relationship at all (great sex, great bonding, great communication, happy, etc.) then just maybe his fantasies are harmless. But I'd still let him know that I would appreciate it if he refrained from keeping pix of any of your friends. Friends are like family. Having sex or even sexual fantasies about them is like incest. Off limits.

You can easily remove these pictures from that site by contacting the site admins. Take all this situation as normal behavior of life. We can stop the world to stop violence by advise or motivation. May be some friend of your x can do it easily.

hon, this guy is unfaithful to you in thought words and deed, if he's not got a very rational explanation for being in that photo stash as recently as 2 months. lose this jerk he's going to hurt you even more at some point. if you decide to keep him, play fyre wi fyre and make sure your own porn stash has bigger better, more interesting photography of yourself than he's EVER seen unless he's sneaking in to have a peek. if you love him, offer to do some softporn together and see if he's hot enough and man enough to keep up with you!!! lol

This raises some serious red flags... very very serious. For various reasons (and without wanting to overly scare you) my mouth went dry reading this :(... If it were me I would not bring it up YET but come up with some active surveillance and see if there was anyway you could find anything more substantial than this... I was with someone where I would find things like this... and I was never...quite sure... then I would confront him to only get a story that would "ease my fears" thereby allowing him to figureout how to hide the lies better... until..well teh worst happened and I found out he was living a double life... but thats a whole other story. But from this experience I caution agaainst going straight to him about this just yet. Now my lesson learned would be (as unpopular as this sounds I know) continue to keep looking and watching to see if more pops up or if there seems to be communication between them or if you can gather anything substantial.