BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage Miscarriage help

Hi everyone. I joined this forum because I had a miscarriage back in January that completely tore my life apart. I was hoping that joining this forum and connecting with people who have been in the same situation would help me. So here it goes... At the end of January, I went to my 12 week appointment to hear the heartbeat. As far as I knew, the pregnancy was going fine. After not being able to hear the heartbeat and undergoing an internal ultrasound, it was concluded that the baby had passed and I had a missed miscarriage. The baby measured at 9 weeks which meant that it was in my womb for 3 weeks after it passed on. Anyway, soon after, I had a D&C. It has been almost 4 months and I have yet to begin to move on. Everyone keeps telling me that a lot of people go through it, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I also have friends, family members, etc. who tell me that it'll all be fine because they went through it. The only difference is that they all have at least one child. They all know the joy of being a mom. This would have been my first. I know they are only trying to help me, but it just isn't helping. Also, I had a LEEP procedure when I was 19/20 to remove cancerous cells. The doctors told me it wouldn't decrease my chances of getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term. I'm not quite sure how much I believe that. Any thoughts about that? Anyway, I am sad all the time. I cannot see a baby on tv or in person without breaking down. I'm jealous, angry, bitter; u name it, I am feeling it. I feel utterly helpless. My boyfriend has been great about everything and he has provided me with the best support possible, but he doesn't want to try again right now. He wants to save a little money and move in together before trying.(This baby was not planned at all) I understand where he is coming from and it's 100% logical and a mature decision, but it just hurts. I've been reading a lot of stuff about miscarriage and it says that everyone moves on at their own pace. Well, here's my thing. I have always been the strongest person I know, however, I have not been able to be strong about this at all. I feel so incredibly weak and I just don't know what to do. I've tried writing about it, talking about it with others, and many other things, but nothing is helping. I guess I am asking those of you who have been through this same situation....how can I move on from being so depressed? I miss the strong, happy persona I used to possess.

You are grieving. It is a natural process that takes time, and it's true that every woman goes through it in her own way.

First of all, accept the grieving process and don't be upset with yourself for being a little "weak" right now. You are human.

Second, draw on your spiritual beliefs to make sense of this. There really is a higher purpose for all of our experiences. Trust in that and it will be easier to move forward. Know that you will get to see your little baby on the other side. There will be a happy reunion, but for now, you both have different lessons to learn. He/she is in the arms of angels, waiting safely until you rejoin him.

Third, consider that your body just went through a whole roller-coaster ride of hormonal imbalance. Talk to your doctor about your ongoing depression and he/she might prescribe a temporary RX to help reboot your cycle. This really helps and is not permanent.

Fourth, get oxygen to your brain. Move, walk in the fresh outdoors, dance, swim, exercise, do yoga. Oxygen is vital to all of your cells, especially your brain cells!

Fifth, nourish your body with clean, nutritional foods. Stay off the artificial, processed foods. Sodas, sugars. They make depression worse.

And finally, take one day at a time. I lost my child and all I could do was focus on breathing. It may sound weird, but I also watched funny mindless videos to make me laugh. It still hurt in my heart but laughing helped heal the physical brain and body. I laughed and cried and cried and laughed.

Try not to dwell on what could have been, what should have been, what ifs. They will pull you down into an abyss. So, once you're written down your initial feelings. Burn them. Release them. KNOW that your little infant had a purpose for his brief stint in your womb. He fulfilled it and is peaceful and happy and safe now. Tuck the precious memory of him into your heart and bring it out when you feel like it whether to smile, cry, grieve or commune with him. But then, tuck him back in safe and sound so you can attend to life here.

Your job is to live. Be the strong, happy person that you are blessed to be. That is your gift. You have important things to do, love to create and share, joy to express, wisdom to gain. God and people are counting on you!

You will carry your bond with your baby for the rest of your life, but in time, the pain will soften into sadness and then sadness will melt into hope.

May God bless you eternally.

Many people will tell you diffent things trying to help. I have found that the most helpful people are those that come give me a hug, maybe a tear or two and tell me that they love me and dont really know what to say. really waht is there to say. I have faith that my little Eve is safe and his was God's plan ,that everything will be okay in the long term. But that does not make me feel better about the NOW! I am an impatiant person. I loved my little Eve and had plans. I know I will meet her someday but I want her with me now. I am sorry for your loss and too beleive that everyone greives a little differntsly. Take all the time you need. Summer

hi amp628 I came onto this forum today as I am back to work and not doing too great. I had my second missed miscarriage on 13th May. I had my first four years ago this July and they way you speak is exactly how I was feeling back then. It took along time for me to heal and even then when I think about the baby I lost then I can still get upset. When I found out I lost again I thought I would of cracked up, the first week I alsmost did but last week I went numb and still am and feel strange about this. Time will help but allow yourself the time you need, as I said I needed a long time never mind what other people think only you feel the way you do I have learned that. I too was very strong and I feel miscarriages make me weak but they don't they build you up. When a door closes a window opens. My last miscarriage brought myself and my husband much closer together. On a happy note after my first missed miscarriage just over 2 years later I gave birth to a beautiful baby daughter so hopefully next time it will happen for you when the timing is right your angel will come to you. Best of luck and be gentle on yourself.