Hello everyone! Happy mothers day to all you beautiful mothers and step mothers! Today is bittersweet for me. I haven't been able to post in a while because my fiance and I have had some major problems. We were already in a tense situation with our blended family, which I thought was getting better. Wednesday night he hit me with the worst blow of them all. I've been feeling like things were slack between us, but I refused to see what was painfully obvious. He's been cheating on me with his ex girlfriend who happens to be close friends with his ex wife, and who is still quite close to his children. He came clean only after I started detective work. He's been clearing his phone out, been distant, and quiet. One morning she sent a text and I caught it before he did. He was able to convince me that she was being presumptive for a day or so, then the sh** hit the proverbial fan. She called me. After I packed my things and was headed out the door, he came clean and spilled it all. He apologized, told me the cause of the entire situation, and asked my forgiveness. While I was at fault for some of the distance that we had both been initially feeling, not once did he ever come to me and tell me that he was hurting too. Had he came to me instead of venting to another woman, we wouldn't be in this situation. The ex GF is very vulnerable, has always caused trouble with us, and has a hard time keeping a man. He began telling her about his feelings on my distance and from there she began to promise him the moon and the stars. She isn't pretty and is quite overweight, where I am not and take care of myself. I felt like someone had sucker punched me in the gut. Literally! I told him that I would forgive the infidelity, work on the issues we have been having, and most of all improve on the problem he had with me. I had gotten lazy with house work and began to ignore our relationship. But I wasn't ignoring us because I wanted to. I felt distance and tension. I knew he had something going on and I knew with who. I just couldn't prove it. His kids even knew he was cheating. They are 12 and 9. Everyone knew the truth but me. I feel like a fool. Most of all I am so unbelievably hurt, I don't know what to do. I'm having a hard time dealing with his oldest kid. He seems to revel in the fact that there's a problem. My fiance and I are working on our relationship, I just can't get it out of my mind what he has done. How do you heal after this? How do you forgive completely? How do you not approach the other woman with violence (which I would so love to do)? He said she used the situation to swindle him into an affair and used his weakness to manipulate him. The night he came clean he told her face to face that he loved me and that given the fact I would forgive him and move on, how could he not come home to me. Why do men do this to women? And why do women like that do such a dirty thing? I told her she was nothing more than common white trash and her claims to be a christian woman were obviously just for show. She has called begging him to leave me and come stay with her and her children, citing that my step kids like her more anyway. His reply was screaming at her to leave us alone and grow up. I don't want anymore apologies from him, and despite my questions as to how far he went with her, where, and when, I won't ask because I don't want those images in my head. Am I crazy for trusting that he will not do this again or do I just walk away. I love him more than I have ever loved, but at the same time, I can't find it in my heart to trust him again. I'm still checking his phone and he knows it. I check his facebook account and he knows it. And I'm constantly asking if he has heard from her again. I need to get past this. I just don't know how. Can anyone offer up any advice? I'm lost and hurting and I want to find myself and not feel this pain.
