BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Ideas/suggestions for free time

Hi all,

Because my husband and I are CF, we have all the time in the world to ourselves, which I don't complain, I get to sleep in, read, take a hot bath, visit family, etc.
However, lately, I've noticed that my husband has been a bit bored with all this time. After work, he'll watch TV mostly, and go out with his friend once in a while. Unfortunately we are tight on money so we can't do anything expensive like go out to dinner or even to a club where you pay entrance/drinks, or do activities that require spending money.

Does anyone have any suggestions/ideas as to what things we can do that don't cost anything or little? We have some plans that will take him out of boredom like a trip and we are also moving but that's later in the year.

I'm afraid he'll start wondering again about wanting a baby since obviously a baby brings lots of things to do/think about, even though HE might not do half of what I would do as to the responsibilities. But he would see the baby as a diversion and something interesting in his life. I know so because he started to comment again on the baby issue and he hadn't done so in a while.

Any ideas are welcome.

Take up a mutual interest or hobby! Volunteer for a common cause! Learn something together (a new language, spirituality, gardening, walking, dancing).

Have game nights with CF friends. Help him open up to his creative side (learn guitar? Paint?)

He needs an interest!

Go to the library,go to the gym., go swimming, join the big brothers assoc.
Volunteer at care homes, volunteer to do yard work for the elderly or drive elderly to appoints. and grocery shopping.

Hope this helps.

cp

Scrabble is lots of fun. Seriously. My boyfriend taught me how to play 2-handed spades too. That's fun as well.

Do you garden? That's a nice hobby. Cooking is fun too if you don't mind cleaning up after.

Music is a great way to spend your time. There are lots of coffee shops that allow local musicians to just sit and play to get some fans. Take a book or two and visit one when you can.

For me, just sitting on the porch with my BF and a book is the best way to pass the time. Put a Bob Dylan CD in the player, pour a cup of tea, and listen to the neighborhood. It's not productive, but it sure is nice.

You could look for other childfree couples to hangout with on meetup.com. I also recommend the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program if you have one nearby. My husband had a Little Brother until just after we met and the boy moved several states away. It gave him something to do without all the responsibility of a real kid of his own. We enjoy watching movies together a lot. We don't go out to see them too often because of the cost but we rent and have the cable movie channels. Working out together or training for 5K runs can be fun. If either of you has health issues you can even walk them. They do have entry fees but it's not all that much. Just walking in the park or walking trail can be nice. we walk around a cemetery near our house sometimes just to get out in nature. You might also consider getting a video game system if you don't have one already. Wii has a lot of energetic and fun "party" type games that will keep you entertained even if you're not big gamers, and if you are gamers, they can still be fun in a completely different way. Of course it costs a lot up front but it might be worth it in the long run.

I love sitting on my balcony too, even more having breakfast or lunch. But that's only nice in the summer, not so very convenient in winter or when it's cold My husband loves this too.

Also like the idea of playing Scrabble. I love this game! Also playing chess and cards. I like walking too but not in winter. Thank God summer is coming!

I hope I'm not being too blunt but honestly, this is not a good sign from your husband.

Sounds like he's trying to occupy himself, fighting against what he truly feels inside. He shouldn't need to be occupied daily just to get his mind off of having children. If he's doing this, it sounds like he's just trying to please you and ultimately, it may end up with him resenting you. And you need to ask yourself, how long will he be able to keep this up? You both might just be delaying the inevitable.

Also, if your husband sees a baby as something to occupy himself with, then he needs a dose of reality. Have you guys ever babysat together or watched any videos or televisions show about parenthood and raising kids? I think your husband believes in some delusional fantasy that most people feed into about kids.

If he's bored, have him spend an entire day with someone's kids, by himself. Give him a taste of fatherhood. Give him unruly kids to deal with. That oughta kill his boredom lol.

I vote for the library option! What I wouldn't give for free time to read what I want! (I'm going back to school).

Well, is cash so tight that you are unable to go out once per month. Maybe you two can downsize so that you can afford a yearly vacay. Try the local massage school for a discounted couples massage. It can be fun to cook together ; my husband and I love to do this! As far as a baby is concerned, if you can't afford to to out for a drink, I'm sure that your man would't even dream of adding a baby to the mix! Try walking together or volunteering for a cause you both believe in. Also, you said moving that sounds adventurous!

Given that your husband is reverted back to the "baby" state of mind, you two really should take a vacation. There's nothing like a vacation to remind him of all the free time the two of you currently have and how you can't get out to do things like take fun trips when you have kids.

Do you like the outdoors? My husband and I were in a slight money crunch a few years back, and we decided to go tent camping a few times. It was a blast. There's nothing better than being out in the peace and quiet with just you and your husband around, just relaxing and enjoying nature. We would go swimming in a creek, play tennis at a nearby tennis court, and cook hamburgers and marshmallows over a campfire every night. And it would be a wonderful opportunity to remind him of why it's great to be child-free and be able to enjoy the care-free getaway. Once children are born, you never will re-capture the ability to have this type of vacation, because if you go off and leave the kids behind, you'll always be in constant worry about how they are holding up with the sitter!