My mother has been extremely mean to me for as long as I can remember. I had an adopted brother who died when he was 17, I was 5. One of the first mean comments that she said to me that has stuck with me for the last 25 years was "I wish you were never born." Another comment was "hopefully you will die like your brother."
My mother and father divorced when I was 4. She started dating an alcoholic when I was 4 or 5, she also like to drink a lot. Many of nights as a child he would beat her, the police would come, he would go to jail, then she would beat me for it. I had a horrible childhood. When I was in school, teachers noticed things, I was sent to counselors, therapy and interviewed by law enforcement. Everytime my mother would threaten me that if I told, this or that would happen to me. I wanted to live with my father, but she had convinced me that he didn't want me, he wanted his 'whores' not kids. I was told horror stories of kids being sent away, locked in basements and beaten worse than I could ever imagine. To make matters more confusing, sometimes she could be nice to me. To most people on the outside looking in, they knew about the physical altercations between her and her boyfriend. As for my bruises, "you know how kids are, they fall, break things."
This went on for years. At age 18 I left. I went to college, got into law enforcement and have done very well for myself. I'm married to a wonderful man, beautiful home and expecting my first child.
I have maintained contact with my mother all of these years, I try to walk on egg shells with her. I try to never say anything that would irritate her or make her mad. She can't physically hurt me anymore, so its all verbal and emotional. I try to ignore it, but its been getting progressively worse for the last year. I have tried to rationalize this to myself saying, she's getting older, she is 70, maybe its dementia. I don't know what to think anymore. She will call me, screaming at me, because her and her boyfriend had an arguement, but somehow it ends up being my fault.
I have tried just not taking her calls. She calls for hours, leaving messages like "i'm going to ruin your life", "I hope I don't wake up master." She is reffering to my husband when she says 'Master', he works shift work. Or she uses my 90 year old grandmothers health as a reason, in which I call back immediately to hear her tell me "you are a loser, a joke." or "your not a has been, your a never was."
I wish I knew why she did this to me? Maybe I could better understand how to make it stop. It's been going on for over 25 years. I did tell her once, that if she knew what she was doing to me, she would quit. Her reply was "I have never done a thing to you." It amazes me, that her boyfriend has actually apologized to me for everything and told me he was proud that I turned out ok after all they put me through.
Why can't she see what she does is wrong? What do I do? Do I change my number and ignore her? Or do I continue letting myself be hurt? I worry what she might say or do to my child once it is born.
I'm sorry that it's so long, I just needed to get it out.