BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids ugh... dont feel sorry for me because I dont want

Twince in the last two days I've had men do the weird... you should have a baby [censored] and it makes me angry and also sad that they feel sorry for me or feel like they know what its all about and how Im just missing out... I feel like they do not listen or respect my feelings. This guy yesterday actually makes this cross sign on me (like half joking) and says (after I told him i dont want any) I pray that you have an "oopsie'... wtf? thats it doubling up on pill and condomage for a while. then tonight a new father, a friend of mine pulls the youd make a good mom, your kids could help humanity, you will be old and lonley.... ugh... why does it upset me so? Its like they make me feel like I am lacking when I know that I am not. I have never ever wanted children and there is nothing wrong with me because I dont...

Hey, I understand! I've learned to STOP these people in their tracks by putting it on myself, "I feel uncomfortable discussing the details of my reproductive choices with anyone who isn't my husband." As for their rudeness and invasiveness,i refuse to take responsibility for it...lol. If that's not your style...Maybe you can just "yes" them to death...lol. I try to give these people more empathy than they've given me. Some people truly don't mean to be rude, they're just that closed minded or cannot imagine someone wanting a life differently than that the average person chooses (or surrenders to in the case of some). I have the advantage of knowing childfree couples my parents age who lead fulfilling and happy lives. They still enjoy each ther as if they were teenagers. If I aspire to be more like them rather than like the average family, I don't think that I should be demonized or berated for it....and neither should anyone else. To the friend who told you you'd have great kids, I would've responded, "Thank you." I will tell you the "I pray you have an oopsie comment is just awful..You should have told him, "How about praying that I live a long and happy life instead?" Maybe that would've put into perspective what a fool he sounded like for wishing something you don't want on you. I hope I helped you!

Solipsikat, more power to you for knowing yourself with confidence. Being the target of other people's comments, just because they were socialized to believe what they are saying, is not cool. You do what YOU feel and stick to it. Living up to someone else's expectations is ridiculous. At this point in my life I realize more than ever that having children and when to have children are choices that each must make for themselves. I never would have dreamed that it could be such a source of conflict and/or heartache in some cases. Everyone needs to do what makes them happy, not what makes everyone else happy. It's especially irritating when you are subject to "comments" randomly. For that matter, not just with the CF issue but with anything. Whether or not to be CF is a very personal choice so comments strike an even more sensitive chord.

One of my friends gave me an "oopsie" comment the other day. I glared at him and said "That's like wishing me a car accident. NOT A NICE THING TO WISH." He apologised immediately.

I wish people would understand that there are many ways to be happy, and choosing of your own free will not to have children is a positive and happy thing.

I thought I heard it all from my sister in laws, but I never got the "I hope you have an oopsie" comment. what a terrible, rude, crude and thoughtless thing to say. I have to agree also that it is equal to saying that someone hopes you get into a car accident. if someone said that to me they might as well just said that they hope I have a slow, painful death.

I am very sorry to hear that someone said that to you. some people are just so clueless, or lack conversation boundries.

I too am fed up with the narrowmindedness of the child rearing community that THEIR choice is the only one, I am fortunate that I have never had any doubts that being CF was best for me, I only wish other people (who know me to be an intelligent person) could accept MY choice too, but heh ho through time I have come to accept that I am in the minority and no longer stress out about not fitting into their world. If someone asks me about the kid thing I say straight off I never wanted them and if they won't or can't understand that then fine, thats their problem NOT mine,not always easy I know but I try my best!!

If someone ever said anything about an "oopsie" I'd just have to say "An oopsie would be grounds for an abortion and do you really wish that on anyone?" What nasty, insensitive jerks. That's like wishing an illness on someone. I don't even say "I hope you catch meningitis." to the people I hate most in this world. What would make someone think it's acceptable or even funny to say that sort of thing?

Yeah what's with these people? I've had several conversations with women my own age (mid-30s) who have said to me "Well never say never...you could have an 'oops'." I mean really? Besides the absolute tackiness of this comment, wishing something happens to you that you really don't want, I have two responses:

1. Do "accidents" actually still happen when people are actually using birth control properly? I find it hard to believe since everyone I know who have had "oopsies" actually wanted to get pregnant

2. My husband and I have been together for 9 yrs. and I've been sexually active for half my life. So the chances I'm going to have an accident are pretty low!

Well Shnicky, accidents do happen. My husband and I had 2 ourselves. As far as we KNOW we were using our BC methods correctly. Sadly, not everyone has such luck with it. Of course, pregnancy does not necessarily mean you have to have a child. My husband and I chose to terminate those pregnancies. My response to anyone who has ever said anything like that is usually, "The day I have a baby is the day the world runs out of wire hangers." I'm not about to let any of them beat me at the "Who Can Be More Inappropriate Game."

Yes, unfortunately they do. Thanks for disbelieving those of us who have had to deal with the very unpleasant fallout from contraceptive failure.