BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Feels as if SD is the "wife" in the house

I honestly feel like my SD is my DH's "wife" instead of me being it. He always has these loving, caring words towards her ... calls her his "honey" and "lovey" ... yet when it comes to me (his damn wife), I'm just plain M (my name). I hate this girl, 'cause she just knows how to manipulate her dad and twist him around her little finger. She is now 18 years old and studying furhter in another Province. It grates me when I hear how DH speaks all sweet to her over the phone. I just feel like I'm there to cook, clean and raise his kids (we had both of them living with us).

The bond between father and daughter is a strong one. If she has always been daddys little girl, she will stay that way. I outright made my stepmother miserable when she married my father. Part of it I did trying to assert my role in his life, but part of it was his fault too. I was spoiled. Boy did my father throw me for a loop when he put his foot down one day. I had to grow up and realize that daddy had a life and I was not the whole world. Being a step mom is hard sometimes, because I, like you, feel that my fiance treats his children with more love sometimes. But I also understand that, as a mother myself, I treat my children with more love too. I don't do it because I mean too, its instinct. We both have boys so thankfully I don't have to deal with daddys little girl issues. I don't think he does this to make you feel less important. Have you talked to him about it? Tell him that you see how much he loves his daughter and that you don't wish to make a fuss, but that you would like to have him dote on you as well. Your relationship with him is far more different than that of his with his daughter. You may find it more effective to leave her out of the conversation at all and just tell him you feel a bit neglected. I hope that helps.

Thanks so much for your reply, alliegirl. I have previously mentioned to DH that I feel neglected, but it just leads from one fight to another. I've just given up now. I just have such a strong longing to be called these loving names too ... to be hugged and kissed ... to spend time alone with DH (without the kids). But all is anticipated for in vain. The relationship that SD has with her father, is nowhere close to my relationship with my own dad, which is a more conservative relationship. She realises that she can "overrule" me and is playing her dad right in her hand. And he's too "blind" to see what's going on.

I'm so sorry you are going through such a trying situation. I know it must hurt to have your feelings thrown thrown aside. While the men we love should most certainly love their children, they should also give much heart to ours as well. If he refuses to show love and affection, which by the way is required, then he doesn't deserve it from you. He will also find himself a loenly old man. My father woke me up by making this point... "Sweetheart I love you to the ends of the world, but I also deserve to be happy and have an adult relationship with the woman I chose to love." I felt horrible for my behavior. If your hubby chooses to neglect your feelings, you should take stock of the relationship and determine if its worth the rest of your life and time. Maybe some counseling would help. I would feel so left out and unloved. Thankfully my fiance and I are quite affectionate with each other. I hope you find some kind of peace with your situation.

Thanks alliegirl. I'm just praying that God will "open" his eyes as to what is really going on. I still think he feels bad for the fact that they don't have their parents living in the same house (they're divorced) and now he's trying to make-up like this towards this emptiness his children has to face. Even though it's almost 6 years down the line ...even though we got married, divorced and married again in the meantime (all thanks to the bit*h of an ex-wife and the kids).

I'm here for you girl. We step moms deal with a lot of "baby mamma drama." I deal with it a lot! Believe me! I'm livid right now because the ex calls constantly and today I just spit it out at dinner. I told him that it pi***s me off to no end about the pointless phone calls and right now they are casually visiting with each other in her front yard. She lives across the street. I would go butt in but my temper is getting the best of me and ill just end up being rude. I feel like an outsider right now. Their kids are outside playing and its like their little family unit is all cute and perfect. I'm just about at my wits end. Feel free to PM or email me anytime. (((Hugs)))

Aauw Allie ... thinking of you, my friend! I also know how it feels to have the ex constantly butting in and phoning. SD lived with us (before she went off to study in another Province) and the ex would phone SD the whole time to "spy" on me and DH. And she also had an "excuse" to just come and go in to our house ('cause dearest SD is there). Take care, dear friend! We are not alone! (((HUGS))) PS: I'm off for the duration of the week and won't have any internet access. Chat when I'm back at work again, OK!

Oh honey, you just described a day in my life! LOL! Let me know when you are back on and take care! I'm here for ya! ((((Big hugs))))

Hey Allie! I'm back at work now! How are you doing?

Hi! Things are going well! The kids returned to school this morning. They have been on spring break for the past week. I hope to get my house back in shape. Lol! How are you?