BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What's up with all the baby-obsessed men? - Rant!!

With my baby-crazy ex, I think it was that he did not see beyond the Kodak moments and did not feel that his life would be affected that much. Most of his family was pretty traditional, so I think he saw his cousins, brother, brother-in-law just doing the fun stuff and the women being the ones changing the diapers, preparing the bottles, etc. There was definitely a macho element to being a dad in his family - "look at me, my dick works"! He tried to convince me on a few occasions that he would do most of the work, I never believed him. He never even did his share of the pet care, so I could not see him pulling his weight with a kid, especially with his busy work schedule. And, of course, he wouldn't have to deal with pregnancy and childbirth.

Funny thing about the pet care...my husband wanted dogs but after we got them it was all me. I raised them from 7 weeks and now they are over two yrs old. My husband hardly did a thing to help raise them and he doesn't do much with them now either.

Yet he says that having the dogs made him want to have kids even more. That must be nice, wanting to have dogs and then kids, but having someone else do all the dirty work while he enjoys the playtime.

Well he got the dogs but not the kids from me, and I pity the woman who falls for him like a sucker after he divorces me.

Hey Cassie,I too pity that woman, unless she is the type that really wants to care for a baby all on her own while he sits back and feels macho about "sowing his seeds." Sorry, that was a little mean...but just saying.

misstalia: Don't be sorry, dear! I agree with you wholeheartedly!!!

Cassie - my ex sounds so much like your husband - scary!

I feel the same way. My husband is not the father type, yet if he divorces me b/c I won't give him kids, I already feel sorry for the woman that will fall for him, and unfortunately, it won't be difficult b/c he's very good-looking. I hope for his sake that he realizes he's not cut to be a father before it's too late.

It amazes me how many men want children...and it shocked me reading many of these posts about men feeling entitled to have them! WOW! Shows you that societal pressures abound! I am new to this site and must state two things first: 1. I am not married, but have been with my girlfriend for over a year now and we have been living together for 6 months. 2. As you probably noticed "girlfriend" I am a guy. My girlfriend and I have a very clear agreement not to have children! In fact, I am looking into getting a vasectomy soon. I am 31 and have NEVER wanted children as long as I can remember! The fact that men feel they are "entitled" to children and end marriages/relationships/friendships due to this fact makes me feel ill. Honestly, one thing I learned while courting someone is that I brought up the "children" question early on in the relationship (not on first date or anything, but in the first month). If they wanted children and I did not, sorry, it wasn't going to work out. Sounds cruel perhaps, but why try to "make it work" if the two parties cannot agree on such a huge piece of the relationship equation! I applaud any women who ends a relationship with a guy who they feel is "forcing" them to reproduce to give them an heir! It is like my cousins who didn't stop having children until they finally had a boy! I am so happy to have found this site! My girlfriend and I sometimes feel like we are the only couple in the world who have no desire at all to have children! Thanks for showing we are not!

The baby-obsessed man is no news to me: almost every man I dated before I met my husband wanted to have kids one day. I would tell my friends and they would be shocked, contrary to the stereotypes that it's always the women who want kids and pressure their husband into it. Maybe it's a case of "opposites attract", ie. I was CF and attracted non-CF people?

For most of the men I dated, it was really about reproducing and spreading their genes, and not about actual parenting. One of the guys actually told me he didn't actually want to have kids, but if the woman he was with was willing to do all the work in raising the baby, he'd go along with it! (note: he now has a baby so I guess wifey is doing all the work!) I also dated one guy who was the product of a nasty divorce, and he really wanted to have kids so that he could have the family he never had.

I like Cassie's analogy about the husband who wanted dogs but then it was all her doing the effort. I know guys who don't like having pets at all and don't want to keep any either, and that's fine, but if they are like kids demanding a pet but not willing to put any time into caring for or training 'em, that's a good indicator of how they would be with a baby. "I also dated one guy who was the product of a nasty divorce, and he really wanted to have kids so that he could have the family he never had." Shnicky, I feel bad for your friend here, but he needs to ask himself how much effort he's willing to put into actually parenting or he may be sorely disappointed later when he fails to develop a bond with any children. I saw a letter to an advice columnist from a man who had a distant father, and this man wasn't enjoying being the parent of a two year old, and wished he could wait to be more "hands on" with this child once she was older,to do stuff like play mini golf together. The advice columnist thanked him for admitting it isn't always fun to be playing in the sandbox with a two year old, but if he didn't spend time with and bond with his daughter while she was this young, it would be very difficult to do later. A story that really ticked me off this week involved retired Red Sock baseball player Curt Schilling. I used to admire him for his effort to fight Lou Gehrig's disease, but I found out he was largely an absentee dad to FOUR kids.?!?! And what woman consents to have child after child with a man who isn't around much?! This woman wound up largely depressed and staying in bed all day, so finally Mr. Schilling retired from baseball and has more time to spend with these older kids, but this is still like something from the Dr Laura books "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives", and the companion men's book, which both have stupid conception and stupid parenting chapters.

Dude with the divorced parents is also now married with a toddler, and seems to be enjoying it, but I wouldn't know!...can't imagine he spends much time with the kid considering he's a ridiculously successful doctor and researcher.