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Bit of a random comment but has anyone in the UK seen the Channel 4 series 'One born every minute' recently? Basically a fly-on-the-wall documentary of a maternity ward in England but the most fascinating bit is what some of the parents are saying before having the baby. It's convincing me that no-one who has kids really thinks it through! One first-time mother (early 40s) said she'd never really wanted children but her husband hit middle-age and suddenly decided he 'needed' them. She's heard saying at one point as she wanders off camera 'I don't know why I'm doing this now, I don't even know if I want to be a mother' - her husband throughout is useless and seems quite indifferent to her being in pain. They at least had a happy ending as she was ecstatically happy after having the baby but it made me furious watching it that it seemed to be his decision, not hers. Another much younger woman had 3 children under the age of 4 and was having another one! This said in practically the same breath that her partner was out of work - why have them if you can't afford them?!!!

Both scenarios sound sadly familiar. There are so many young families in my neighborhood with unemployed parents living with grandparents and having new babies. I don't know how they deal with the stress!

Also, I hope that woman in her 40's is still "ecstatically happy" when the novelty of having a new baby has worn off. I just posted an article about a 40-something man who dumped his wife because he wanted kids so badly. It's sad when the husband is so hell-bent on reproducing himself because he's hitting middle-age crisis and no consideration for what his wife is really feeling. Anyway, sounds like an interesting show. I wish we had access to it here.

"...it seemed to be his decision, not hers." Most birth control is designed for a woman. Why is it not her decision too? Sad as divorce is, it's better than living out one's life with someone who doesn't want the same things, or adultery. "...why have them if you can't afford them?!!!" In agreement 100% on this one. If someone can't afford a few temporary outfits for themselves, if they can't afford medical care or food or housing without a taxpayer funded program, they can't afford a baby. Public assistance is one thing if someone is faced with an unexpected scenario, like unexpected death of a spouse or loss of a job and inability to get another, but there should be a stipulation that the recipients get aid only for the child or children they already have when their application is accepted. Any more will NOT increase benefits. Personally I'm not into the TMI reality TV culture. I don't want to know how celebs live at home, or what people say before the baby is born, or the squicky details of a high risk pregnancy. I am more likely to read a book than watch t v any more.

[quote=spacecase]there should be a stipulation that the recipients get aid only for the child or children they already have when their application is accepted. Any more will NOT increase benefits.[/quote] I would be totally onboard with this idea! I think a lot of people see benefits and state help as a lifestyle choice as opposed to the temporary safety net it should be. A woman who works with my mum actually turned down the offer of more hours per week because it would lessen her benefits if she worked more! [quote=Lori B - Editor MNK]It's sad when the husband is so hell-bent on reproducing himself because he's hitting middle-age crisis [/quote] - your article (along with some of the other posts on this forum) just make me so sad that anyone who once loved their spouse could be so utterly inconsiderate of them. Maybe in the material culture we live in babies are the new sports car for mid-life crisis men? A rather depressing thought for CF women - and for the men perhaps once they realise the stupidity of their mistake and can't return a baby to the garage!

That is sad to me...I must state, I am a guy in my early 30s, so will give the male perspective here... I see such situations all the time as the first poster was talking about with the show... I teach in military driven area in the US in a college that is about half older students (mid-20s is most common age) and on a daily basis am SHOCKED how many students have reproduced! I have a student now who just turned 33 and I learned she has three children, the oldest is 15! Do the math...this is a commonality for me...we have three pregnant students in the school now, one who is in late 20s and this is child number 4! One of my co-workers said that she mentioned to them she doesn't even want it because her husband does nothing to help out! That frustrated me SOOOO much! Has she not heard of birth control???? It is again, the male dominating the relationship...I don't know how they can afford 4 children AND her going to school! We have another student pregnant with child number 2 and she is (get this) 19! Have another student who is 20, has a two year old and is already divorced! WTF?! Sorry, now I am ranting...but as the last poster said, "can't return them to the garage." So true! There are also so many cases of people who want kids and cannot have them while these other people cannot stop reproducing! Sad... When I see these students who have kids and see how tired they are, how strapped their expenses are (which I am sure they are) my co-workers who deal with sick kids, babysitter issues, etc. it makes me so happy with my choice! Thanks for the great site!