BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids newbie-is it enough to just lead a simple life?

I enjoyed your "rant" because you are being honest with who you are. The only problem I have is that you--and others--feel the need to rant and defend your choices.

You should not have to defend how you choose to live any more than should a woman who chooses to have 12 children. Or a late life child or in vitro or adoption...

The woman's movement should have freed us all from having to feel forced down any path other than the one we choose to forge for ourselves.

You know who you are. Child-rearing is not for you. It's good you know that. Enjoy your life.

My own daughter will not have children. She does not want children. She is my only daughter and I hoped for grandchildren from her but I respect her decision. She has valid reasons. She knows herself better than anyone else.

Respect your inner knowing. There are good reasons why you feel compelled to live a child-free life.

You are not a failure for leading a happy, simple life. In fact, you are a success for having achieved what most here on earth will never achieve: contentment and happiness.

Be true to you.

Hi Moomsammy,
You sound just like me and probably most of the people who post here. We all go through the same though process. I started feeling this way in my 20's too. At 31, I remember everyone around had or was having children and I felt like the "odd man out" for not having the same want as other women. I'm now 44 and, although I have gone through moments of wondering (especially when I look at my SO and think that I would love to see a little boy just like him...) but those moments are fleeting.

As for "If I had a baby, I could have things in common again. I would never have nothing to do, and could immerse myself in my children�s schooling, homework, and activities. I would be able to have things to discuss with coworkers, and acquaintances. I would have family to help me around the house, and when I got older�So obviously these are terrible reasons!" You are absolutely right by saying they are terrible reasons. Children as a common topic of conversations with friends and colleagues is only one in hundreds of topics to discuss. Most of my friends have children and we chat about other things (thankfully!). As for having family to help you around the house... IF you're lucky you end up with helpful children. But in most cases, teenagers are not exactly the most helpful around the house!

My SO works in the retirement industry and you wouldn't believe the percentage of seniors whose children never visit or worse, neglect them. Having children, mo matter how wonderful a parent you are, doesn't garantee that you will end up with a child who respects you and who will take care of you when you're older. This is one of the reasons I hear for people wanting children that makes the least sense to me: "I want to have children so I have someone to take care of me when I'm older". What??! Each child is born with an individual personality, and no matter their upbringing, that individual will turn out the way they will, no matter what you do or say to them.

The pressure from society is very harsh sometimes. Especially that we live in a very child-centric society at the moment. But stay strong and true to yourself. You are not, nor should anyone make you feel that you are, selfish for not wanting children. Think about it. Those of us who really, truly think our choice to be child-free, or those who have been trying for years to have children or adopt, are those who think things out. Most people just "get pregnant" without thinking out the long term impact of having children and what it takes. Then the next thing you know they're complaining to you about how difficult it is to be a parent (and you see them ranting and raving on truemomconfessions.com!)

thanks for the comments! Truemomconfession is something else! Or try this site BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

oops, can't post links, ok, check out the site I was a really good mom before I had kids, and look at the dirty little secrets section. My jaw dropped when I saw some of the comments the mothers made!

I understand how you feel. I know myself well and I simply do not handle stress well at all. I never have. I think that either a very stressful job or having a kid would be too much for me. I need my peace and quiet and time for myself and my hobbies - and of course my husband and our pets. I have a work situation where I can freelance from home and allows me to have the downtime I need. I could probably make more and have a more high prestige career if I wanted to, but I just don't think I have the personality for it. It's the same with kids. I imagine the sleepless nights, the crying, trying to get them to sleep, do their homework, dealing with the tantrums and all that. I really think I would end up burnt out and miserable with that kind of life. It's just not for me. My life is pretty simple, and I like it that way. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. We only get one life, why spend it stressed out and unhappy if you don't have to?

There is nothing wrong with wanting a simple life and not wanting any children. Enjoy your life as you want. It sounds like you are enjoying your life, so keep the life that makes you happy. A lot of people are not having children or putting off having children because of their careers. I know lots of couples who are childless, because they couldn't have them or they just don't want them. Times have changed, so it would be wrong to have children just because your friends have children. This is a decision you have made, so enjoy your life to the fullest.

You don't need to feel guilty at all for striving to lead a simple life! I know it's hard. I went through a lot of guilt for a while and don't know why there is so much pressure to reproduce from society when the planet is obviously overpopulated. When people ask me do I feel guilty for not having kids I now reply, "Why should I? Aren't we done populating the colonies yet?" It usually gives questioners pause and makes them think at bit. Anyway, leading a simple life, knowing your own needs, and not trying to please the entire world is a great, responsible, healthy way to live! Thanks so much for your post!

Precisely! Couldn't have said it better!

Thanks everyone! I always thought I would change my mind someday when I was with the right person, or the right age, right financial situation, etc...but I really don't think that day will come. I'm pretty happy with no kids. But what I'm realizing is I had a timeline in my head, graduate highschool, go to college, live w friends, go to grad school, get a job, buy my own place...get married have kids. All done, except the marry and kids. Even though I never wanted them I think it was in my brain that's just what you do and when the time is right it will happen...Now I still plan on being married sometime in my 30's but I always assumed my 30's would be spent raising kids. So if there are no kids, I feel like I should be doing something big. Even though I work full time, see friends and family, and have hobbies, I still get bored at times. I always like to be working toward some other goal...I don't really want to move, I do like to travel, not sure if I'm interested in another degree...I feel so lame that I have so many good circumstances, yet I still feel like I have to do more. Eh maybe time to be philosophical and just keep growing and learning and be content with that.