BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Buddhism Growing a Love for Spiders

For mice use peppermint oil! Get peppermint oil and put it along your kitchen counters, at the heater vent openings, and so on. Grow peppermint plants around the house.

I don't see how my contribution wasn't 'nice'.
It's a Buddhist forum, and the Buddha's teaching clearly states that it's not right to kill, and it's not acceptable to get the killing done for you.

I don't really understand how there's a nicer way of "Sharing ideas", when it comes to discussing killing on a Buddhist forum....

Thank you! I DO have peppermint essential oil, because I love it for myself. I had no idea mice did not like peppermint. I will try it straightaway. Thank you!

Alexandra, in all our conversations I tend to feel condescended to. It makes me not want to post in this forum, which would be a pity for my growth.

That is not, nor ever has been, my intention. As Lisa has so eloquently explained elsewhere, forum posting is the least efficient and adequate means of communication.
It leaves no room for ambiguity, nor is there any way to convey expression, mannerism, or body language.
However, I am mindful of a great quotation here:
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
I'm sorry, but if you have felt that way, it is through your own impression, not mine.
Your growth and progress is your responsibility, not mine.
How you see fit to proceed, is in your hands.

Alexandra -

The BellaOnline forums is intended to be open to visitors of all backgrounds, all cultures, and all levels of self confidence.

Saying to someone that "I'm sorry, but if you have felt that way, it is through your own impression, not mine." is putting all the responsibility and blame on the other person, which is inappropriate to our forum.

It is very important that when you post you post in the MOST TENDER way possible, so that even the most quiet and gentle of newcomers can listen to your words. You cannot simply post harshly and expect "people have to take the words".

Please make an effort in the future to word all of your posts GENTLY so that even brand new forum posters - which is who we are trying to draw in - can read your words and feel appreciated and encouraged.

And who is the only person who can gauge that level of confidence? How is anyone to know what that is?


No, not blame. But responsibility? Yes, absolutely. Without any doubt.
Nobody, but nobody is responsible for my impressions, but me. I cannot abdicate that responsibility to anybody.
I have used no insulting terminology, no deprecating remarks, no volitional or intended condescension. I have not been nasty or ungenerous. I have merely pointed out the Buddha's instructions on killing.
I really do not see where the problem is, other than, unfortunately, in Jilly's eyes.



This comment is ridiculous, really. I'm sorry, but even at times duiring his teachings, the buddha could be harsh and seemingly severe with Ananda and his followers. Telling someone something like it is, isn't necessarily harsh.
You cant' be tender and gentle all the time. Occasionally the Buddha was severe, direct and seemingly unfeeling. But he told it like it is.
This criticism is completely unwarranted, by the way.
Please point out to me where in my original post it seems to you that there is justified criticism....? Why do people here think that Buddhism is something "lite"?
Buddhism is hard work, and the greatest task we have is to conquer the ego, and direct the emotions constructively. Perception is often at the root of our own downfall. We hinder our own progress through distorted view. Through reflection and meditation, we should address our own responses and seek answers within our own consciousness, of why certain conditions provoke such feelings in us.
The buck stops here, every time.....



If you can point to anything I have said anywhere that is untrue, insincere and deliberately cruel and unfeeling, I would appreciate it.
I teach meditation classes. I assist during sessions at my temple.
Nobody has ever felt the need to approach me to criticise my approach, which is no different there, than it is here.
This is being blown out of all proportion, and the responsibility for this issue does not lie with me.
I'm sorry, but truly. It doesn't.

I guess I thought Buddhism was about loving acceptance. Thank you for showing me I am misguided. I will try the yoga forum here instead for support.

Here's the original statement, in response to Jilly's suggestion of using gopher snakes (which I'm not even sure was meant to be taken 100% seriously, but anyway.) You may not mean for it too, but the abrupt 'No' and phrase 'just as bad' make it sound very judgmental. Which is a little harsh for someone trying to figure out a way to repel pesks.

I know it sounds like nitpicking, but my suggestion, as I said on the Brit Hume thread, would be to just add a little IMHO (in my humble opinion) type preamble. For example, "Well, if your goal is to repel them in a way that could be considered Buddhist, in my opinion using gopher snakes still doesn't get there, because the Buddha said that using someone or something else to kill is the same karmically as doing it ourselves."

Or something along those lines. It really is just about trying to relay the teachings without making someone feel like they are 'bad' or 'wrong'.

I am wondering if you are on many debate-type Buddhist forums? To my 'ear', your responses often sound very debate like, which I know is a big part of Buddhist discussion and even practice in some lineages. But BellaOnline is a general forum, as Lisa S. said, and so most of the people responding here are not Buddhists, they are just trying to learn more about it. I think relaying the teachings in a different manner is essential, and in a way that does not make people feel it is a debate, or else they just won't respond at all (and this forum has not had a lot of discussion recently, only views.)

Also, as I'm sure you know, Lisa S. is the creater of BellaOnline, and her vision of it as a supportive, 'tender' place for people to learn is a goal I support. Personally, I want you here because you know a lot, but the audience and nature of BellaOnline have to be taken into account here. I understand what you are saying about Buddhism being direct and honest. But we are not conducting dharma talks or debates here. And I do believe acceptance and gentility are very Buddhist, also. In any case, they are values of BellaOnline.

So long and thanks for all the fish.....