BellaOnline Forums Family Girl Scouts Meanness - Bullying

How do I handle some meanness going on at Girl Scout meetings? Two girls that used to be friends had some kind of falling out. The one girl has been quiet and reserved since then, the other - yesterday I caught her being downright mean a couple times (saying shut up under her breath, turning her back on the other girl, and at one point I heard her say "who cares what you think?". I'm also worried that this girl is turning the other girls against the quiet/reserved one! Is it my place to say something to this girl's mom? If so, how do I do it without sounding hurtful (is that possible)? The school these girls go to are BIG TIME into anti-bullying, so I know this general issue has been addressed with them. I'm on the verge of losing a girl and I'd hate to have that happen!

It would be a good opportunity to teach the girls, if not the entire troop, about conflict resolution and how to get along with others.

Discuss it first with both moms. Sometimes, one or both of the moms are just as immature as their daughters and they'll take sides.

Explain that regardless of what occurred, all the girls will be with each other for a long, long time and you want their time together to be fun and educational. Tell the moms that a lesson like this will be meaningful to everyone in the long run. Explain to the girls what it means to be a "troop" comprised of friends who are loyal to each other, that they'll always have a trusted friend to watch their backs, to support and encourage each other.

Do not point fingers but get them to express their upset and hurt but turn it around to come to forgiveness and acceptance. Help them put themselves into each other's shoes to see how hurt they'll feel if others are being mean to them. Maybe do some role-playing? Encourage the girls themselves to help come up with ways to resolve the problem. They can be very resourceful and if they, and not an adult, are telling themselves what to do, they'll be eager to make amends.

Good luck. Girls can be very mean. It stems from both insecurity and experimenting with power. They need to feel what it is like to be on the receiving end. Then, they will feel a sense of compassion.

I was in girl scouts, some time ago though, but in looking back we had transitional friendships I guess you'd call them. There were some activities that we'd all feel more comfortable and good at than others and we would just click with eachother based on our interests I guess you'd say. So we'd be tight one month and not the next.

If it's something serious though, and you have some pull in the group, I'd do something where I'd pair up the two girls that aren't getting along and have an activity that centered around trust and depending on eachother, but a fun activity. Like, take a bandana, cover one girl's eyes and have the other direct the other girl. Call it a scavanger hunt or something. I'm sure you could do better, lol, this is my 30 sec. idea. But maybe there's a map and one girl has to tell the blindfolded girl to walk 6 paces her left, right, etc.

Without knowing more, the girls may be in different peer groups, guy issues, maybe the parents aren't even getting along or a teacher favors one student...who knows. It's always nicer when things work themselves out naturally. If it gets bad, I might mention something to both girls parents but in a way where I'm not favoring one girl over the other, just that I noticed some friction between the girls and ask both parents if they have any insight.

When my girls become cliquish or just cranky I like to remind them of the Girl Scout Law and what points apply. Such as [b][u]friendly[/u][/b] and helpful, respect myself and [b][u]others[/u][/b], [b][u]be a sister to every Girl Scout[/u][/b] in this case. I also remind them that at Investiture and Rededication we all agreed to live by these rules and if they cannot do so they need to take a time out and think about it. After they think about it, they apologize to the person they were rude to, it is accepted and we move on. The girls have behaved much better and I have actually heard positive feedback from parents for this.

Thanks everyone! After talking to my assistant leader, we're going to do the Josephine doll at the next meeting plus our already scheduled push on the GS Law & Promise -- most of these girls have been in Scouts for a couple of years and most of them don't know the law! We're going to make it fun and incorporate teamwork & relay races.