BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Family of two - that's it!

One of the reasons I don't want to have children is that I want ALL of my husband's love for myself and only myself! I DON'T want to share it with anyone, and yes, I'm selfish! I told him this recently and I must say I was a bit embarrassed! Like, how immature. Anyway, he just smiled and I think he was flattered. I had told him a lot of reasons why I don't want to have kids but not this one.

Seriously, if I had kids, I think I would be jealous of them! I would have to share my husband's love and time...how awful. NO, THANK YOU. I LOVE the fact that I'm his #1 and that I don't have to compete for his attention, and also there are no "distractions". I'm very much in love with my husband and have every intention of staying this way and if it means there can't be kids in the equation, then so be it!

Anyone else feels this way about their man?

I think a better question is, how does the husbund feel about it? And TBH, it does sound selfish and also slightly childish. Are you going to wipe out his parents, friends and siblings because you don't want him sharing any love with them? I understand what you mean in a way, but it's the way you express it. "Yes, I am selfish!" - like admitting to a flaw makes it okay???
The love he would feel for his children would be completley seperate to his love for you, like his love for his parents etc. it's completley seperate. You just can't compare the two, it shows no understanding of different types of love.

Hey, theres NOTHING wrong with wanting to dedicate your life to your husband and he to you. That's how it is here. So maybe you were a little dramatic in describing it. So what! I will be honest ALL of the CFC couple I have known are MORE affectionate with each other, and do so much more together (i.e. travel, romantic experiences.) than the couples with kids who have to wait until they retire!

I couldn't agree with you more gullivera! Sure, it may sound slightly selfish but I would worry about a marriage where any woman doesn't want to be number 1 with her husband. Maybe it's not always realistic but it's something practically everyone would want! I see it that I have a choice: I can continue to have my husband as a husband, lover, friend, or I can just become a 'co-parent' with him. I have great respect for couples who do make both children and their marriage work but I personally don't know of many couples like this. Most of my friends are totally preocupied with their children, several already separating/divorcing in their early 20s often because they are simply realising they have nothing in common with their husbands beyond their children. I'm even having to watch my parents struggling with this situation at the moment. The last of us have moved out and they are now realising that, after 25 years of marriage, their last common link has just left home and it's just plain depressing frankly!

I feel the same way. I told my husband, and he tried to reassure me that his feelings about me wouldn't be diminished with the presence of a baby. While I believe that *he* believes that, I feel like I'm a little more realistic when I think, "How can they NOT change?"

I never understood this part. Couples that have kids and then can't wait for them to grow up and leave the house so they can (finally) have some privacy and intimacy! wow...

Anyway, I'm happy I found out this about myself before I had a kid and it was too late. The only thing I will allow is a dog and/or a cat Not only do I want to be #1 to my husband, but I want him to be my #1 too. And I know that if we have a kid, he'll automatically come in second, because the kid's needs will come in first.

Gullivera- I feel the EXACT same way. I felt a little guilty about it at first. I don't want to share my husband with a child- I would be jealous of the attention as well. I think if you don't want kids, this is perfectly natural and is part of the territory. Horror movies Editor- IMHO, this revelation is not selfish or childish. Parents, friends and siblings don't live with you and depend on you to raise them 24/7, so that's not an accurate comparison. There is something to the surveys that say marital happiness goes down with a baby and doesn't go back up until it leaves home. Even if that love is completely separate, a marriage changes FOREVER once a baby is in the picture. Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf deals with this very thing. A husband and wife will be changed forever from the sacrifices, different focus in their lives and the like. It's perfectly OK not to want that change.

I totally understand. That is one of my husband's main reasons for not wanting kids and it is also an important one for me. He just saw too many relationships where, once the baby is born, the couple turns into just mom and dad and they lose the closeness they once had. Their energy and attention revolves around the kid not each other. We know one couple with a young kid that is not like this, but they really are the exception. Where we live, the society has still some traditional traits. Women are pretty much expected to become martyrs for their kids when they are young, and not have any life of their own. In my ex's family the women with young kids would always say that they could not even go out to dinner with their husbands, because they needed to be there for their child(ren). My ex used to offer to babysit for his nephews, no one took him up on the offer until the oldest was about 7 years old. That is 7 years of almost no couple time, I think it is in part their own fault, because they kind of smother their young kids to the point where the kid only wants mom to do things for them. My ex's sister had her kid sleeping in her bed when he was 8 years old. Her husband slept in the guest room. Of course, that is going to kill intimacy in the relationship. That is so not for me. I am really glad we have the time to spend together just the two of us.

Although I knew I never wanted kids long before I ever met my husband, I feel very similar to this. I'm dedicated to making him happy because that makes me happy. He knows this and I believe he feels the same way. It might be selfish, but I've seen people have children for similar yet reversed selfish reasons. Whatever the reasons, it's great that we all have the choices to do whatever makes us happy.

When I was dating my husband and for the first year after our marriage, I really had this idealistic image. Young parents with an adorable baby and the amazing closeness they shared that resulted from having created a human being. Our friends and family would envy our relationship and ask us our "secret" to being a perfect family. But as I settled into married life and saw reality, I knew that this image would never become real. Instead, I could see how easily we would fight over the kid, how we would have different methods/views for raising him/her, and the constant tension/stress it would create in our relationship.

Also, I just want to be a wife, but not a MOM. I don't want my husband to see me as a "mom", I don't know how to explain. I like being sexy, womanly, take care of myself, look good, but I don't think I would feel sexy (to my husband) with a kid or kids following me around and taking care of them 24/7. I know some men say of their wives "she's an amazing mother to my kids", but I don't think my husband is one of those. He just sees me as his wife and that's it (he's never told me "you'd make an amazing mother"..hmmm...I wonder why? hahaha). Anyone feel like this?