BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting awkward around stepson

hey im new here...ok im about to be 25 (next month) and newly married, well its only been 3 months since our wedding. thing is my husband is gone a lot on business, and since his ex is not in the picture i get left with his son. this wouldnt be a big deal if he was little (well i assume it wouldnt anyway) but he is 15. (hubby is 42, i know i know, but please dont judge, we love each other and we are very happy together). so um anyway to be honest i really didnt get to know my stepson before i married his dad, and i still dont really know him very well. that's my fault, i should have made an effort to get to know the kid, it was not fair to him that i didn't try harder. he is an ok kid (i mean, no complaints there, he seems like a nice boy) but we dont really talk or anything.... i mean i try to be a good stepmom, i take care of him and all, like i help him out when he needs help with homework, i make dinner and stuff. and we tlak a little but barely, because it feels awkward when we are along together. so my point is, when my hubbys away on business...its awkward. yeah, kids got plenty of time out with friends and doing his own activities but the time we are together alone is weird because, well, this having a kid and everything is just all new ......and plus its weird for me when i realized i am only 10 years older than him. :-/ dont think im complaining, i mean i KNEW when i married my husband that we would be away a lot on business and that id end up being left with the kid a lot because his ex is not in the picture.... but.... i didnt know how awkward it would feel for me! and maybe its awkward for the kid too, i dont know. will this pass as we get more used to each other??? how long do you think it will take? what am i supposed to do to be, like..."friends" with him, or a mom (he has no mom), or whatever to him? im not even sure what im supposed to be! lol.

Your right to worry about what to do with this kid. If you get too close, he can get the wrong idea. I well remember my stepson slapping my butt the one day. Try and keep a teacher/ pupil relationship until all the ground rules have been set. Young boys can be very delicate. Is there a chance of getting other mutual friends or family around more to socialise with you?He should have a full social diary at his age.

Realize that a lot of kids that age don't talk much to their parents, and so it may not just be the step- issue. Being a "friend" on the peer level is probably not a good idea, but as far as a caring adult mentoring a child, might work well for you. I think this is really a discussion you should have as a family. It's possible that he really wants you to be a mom to him, since he doesn't have one. It's also possible that silence is as good as it's gonna get. Also, if at all possible, you and your husband should go to some sort of parenting class together - if nothing else this gives you a way to talk about parenting ideas without them having to be your idea or his idea.

Good luck,
Julie

One thing I'd like to mention about teenage boys (I learned this with my own son) is that they talk much more if they are doing something else. Sitting around chatting (especially with a mom or stepmom) just isn't something most of them want to do.

So, my son would ride his bike or rollerblade while I walked. He could go up ahead & then turn around & come tell me something. Much easier for him that way. We also watched movies together when we both wanted to see something. And, cooking together is also an awesome activity.

I'd just pick one or two things he can do with you that would give him the opportunity to just be loose & still feel that you're "there" for him and it would be a good way to fill some of the time when it's just the two of you.

Seems like you are his de facto "mom" figure but all you can ever be is who you are. I wouldn't worry too much about that except as others mentioned, keeping it adult-child. With the closeness in age and the step-parent relationship, I'd totally work out disciuple & rules issues with his father in advance, too. It's so easy to be the evil step-mom in situations like yours and that's just no good.

You really seem to care about him and that's 90% of the battle already won! Good Luck!

Hi, Yes this is true of almost everyone when in a nervous state. I noticed this about myself that if I am walking and talking with someone I am much more comfortable that when sitting squared off across from someone. This is especially true of adolescents who are always feeling that they are being judged. Pat

Yeah I don't try to have big meaningful conversations with him just sitting around doing nothing, lol. When we talk it is just chit-chat, and we are doing something else. WE watch a lot of movies because we like the exact same kinds of movies and videogames, so we end up on the couch all evening sometimes, (unless its a videogame and then we're like flying all over the place because we both get very competitive) which isn't really great parenting - movies and videogames- lol- but oh well, Im just happy we have a few things in common, because other than that I really don't know too much about him... I am wondering if I am just nervous around him because I can sense that HE is nervous around ME. Does that make sense?? He seems like he feels shy around me, I mean he just seems shy maybe because I am this stranger who's suddenly living in his house. I had another question about what he calls me but Im making that a new topic instead. Thanks for your help guys/