BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Cassie67 - How are you today?

Hello Ladies....

Again just checking in to let you know what is happening here. Since my husband moved out I have felt more peaceful not seeing him. I have good days and not so good days. Yesterday was one of my bad days....more than once I broke down over the sadness of losing my best friend and husband through this upcoming divorce.

It has been hard for me to focus on going through and packing my things. I have been good at distracting myself with an under the table part time job, reading, movies, etc. I really don't want to deal with the reality of what is happening, but I know that the more time I waste, the less time I will have to get organized. My family lives far away from me so I don't have their help either.

My primary challenge right now is to try to get focused and rise above the pain that sometimes gets me down. Stress and sadness can be exhausting, and I think that is part of my problem. I know this is a normal process to go through and in time it will get easier. I am handling things better in general but I still have so much to do. It can seem overwhelming at times. I think I need to make a list and pick at least one thing each day to focus on.

Hi Cassie - I hope you are continuing to do well - I think your plans are well-thought out. I pray that you continue to be strong. You are doing better than I did - I was a total basket case for a while. Don't feel bad if you break down or cry - it's good to let it out. Keep posting here and let us know how you are. God Bless you, Lady M

Lady M: Just posting here to let you know that I am doing ok. I am moving forward in the healing process and I am happy to say that at least I don't want my husband back anymore. That helps. When I realize who he really is I am totally disgusted.

I have been feeling this way for about a month now, but what really clinched it for me was his parting shot to me last week after a visit with the dogs. We had been arguing and he was on his way out saying, "You are the lowest form of existence to me right now, standing there with your hand out looking for a free ride." That is because I am unemployed and now I want alimony.

The idiot doesn't understand that once I move out of this house and re-settle my life I will be looking for work so I can support myself. With all the support I gave him through 8 years of school to get his two master's degrees (to better the future for BOTH of us....and I worked every year we were married except for last year because I was laid off), all I am left with is his high and mighty attitude. He views me as dirt now, and I have vowed to myself that I will never allow him to hurt me again after last week.

I went to see another lawyer for a second opinion today about alimony. My husband is still fighting me on it and doesn't think I am entitled to much, if anything. I had asked for a certain amount per month and the lawyer today told me I was being quite reasonable. My husband and I were trying to work this divorce out without hiring attorneys to save us a lot of money, but I may have to hire one anyway. Hubby has one week to reconsider my offer of a settlement on alimony before I hire a lawyer to play hardball.

Let the games begin...

Hi Cassie - I am so glad to hear you are doing well and being strong - hang in there! You deserve more from him than just being treated like some trash he no longer has use for. People are not things to be used to meet an agenda, only to be discarded for failing to be a part of the agenda. Stick to your guns!!! You supported him - how quickly he has forgotten. I know how awful it is to realize that the person you love the most in the world does not truly love you, but only wants to use you to further his agenda, to get his needs met with no concern for your welfare, or how it will affect you. I hate to generalize, but why do most men think that only their needs matter, that their wants are more important, and that they are entitled to make demands? Just a small rant!!! Take good care of yourself - and stay strong.

Hello Lady M, and of course all the other ladies,

I appreciate you checking in on me again with your newest thread. I will respond off of this thread in the event that some of the newer members of our group want a little background info.

I am doing ok. I have been very busy for the last couple of months though and I haven't been online very much. Instead of packing up my personal belongings I have been working at a horse farm (for 3 mos) cleaning 14 stalls a day (4-5 hrs a day, 5 days a week) to help pay for horse board for one of my horses that had to go there to have her baby, which she did. The things I do for my horses....LOL. The baby is just beautiful and I need to sell her asap but it was a great experience anyway. I just quit the farm job to focus on my personal life, seeing as I only have two more months in my house. The good news is that I lost 25 pounds in the process and I look pretty darned good these days!

The mediation date in court is later this month, and hopefully all of this [censored] with the divorce will be over soon. My husband and I have reached a civil place and we are proceeding without lawyers in court, although we are filing a written agreement on alimony, debts, and belongings with the court ahead of time. I do have a lawyer looking at all of my paperwork before I sign or file anything. Not using lawyers will save us a ton of money. I could use a lawyer to ruin my husband financially, but I only want what is fair, and being a bitchh is not in my make up. I have to live with my decisions and how I treat people.

This will sound like a rebound thing but I know it is not. I have been discreetly seeing another guy....it's been going on for 3 mos now. I met him totally by accident, as I was not looking for anyone new, especially at this time in my life and with my intention to move out of state by the fall. They say things happen for a reason....

He is divorced with an 8 yr old daughter that he has custody of every other weekend. He does not want any more kids and he is 47. Funny, he never really wanted kids when he was married but he gave in to his wife. After she had the baby she changed her tune towards him, no longer being loving and affectionate because she had her little prize, and they divorced three years later. He does love his daughter very much, but obviously being a part-time dad was not part of his life vision.

There is such a difference in maturity level between him and my husband. Very refreshing.... And he treats me like gold, always putting me first. He is the perfect gentleman and he makes me laugh. It is nice to be treated like a lady and a desirable woman for a change. It has been so long since I have felt this way. And I do have to say, as far as the bedroom goes, he is the most loving and caring partner I have ever had. Just his kisses alone put me over the moon. This guy is amazing...

We are seeing how things go with time. Maybe I won't move out of state after all, but I won't know that for a while. We are taking things one step at a time, like mature adults....LOL. Neither one of us wants to get married again so there is no pressure.....although if anyone could convince me to do it all again I know it would be him. But for now we are enjoying the easy, comfortable, and natural relationship we do have.

That is about where things are right now. I am trying to get organized and tie up loose ends the best I can. When I leave my house I will move in locally with a cousin for a few months until I know what my next steps will be. I will keep you all posted.

Cassie ~ sounds like things are going much better for you ..congrats. And good for you - meeting that special guy who treats you so well.

Wishing you all the best,
cp

Cassie I am so happy for you! I'm so glad things are going well. Sending nothing but positivity your way and many blessings.

Thank you so much, cream pie and Jellyroll. I really appreciate your good wishes. I do think there is a lot to be said for the power of positive thinking, good karma, etc. It is really nice to have such great online friends

It is said that if you give to others and put others before yourself that good things will come back to you. I really believe that. I am the type of person who puts others first and I am a giver. I feel that the good things are coming back to me now, at a time when I had felt that I was at my lowest point.

Not to preach my religion but I do believe in God, and I know He has saved me from despair more than once in my life. I am not ultra religious but I feel that He has sent me the wonderful man I have in my life right now to balance out the pain of losing someone I was married to and loved for a total of 19 yrs. This new man may very well be my true soul mate, such a gentle, giving, and loving person. We seem to mesh so well. I can't remember the last time I was this happy....must have been nearly 20 years ago. No matter what we are doing we always have a good time, and just being together is wonderful for both of us.

Love is good........and so is life right now. I can see great things in my future. Whether or not things work out with this new guy in the long term, I have come to realize what I have to offer and I feel pretty good about myself. I am healing and finding the true me again.