BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage Getting over miscarriage...[Kinda long]

Ok, Hi. I am 19, I had a natural miscarriage starting on a Thursday Thanksgiving night 2009. It was confirmed to be one the next day at the Emergency Room. I didn't talk about it much, nor did I even cry until Saturday, when I went and got my hair done. :( Yes..I know so stupid to go get my hair done, I thought it'd make me feel better. I felt so guilty, wrong, and disgusting for getting my hair done. I still regret doing it. The next week or so was filled with sadness. I was almost numb though? I couldn't cry much, and to some people it might've seemed like I didn't care. I did, more than I think I even knew myself. So about 10 or 11 days later I had my first anxiety attack. Ever since I've been dealing with horrible and uncontrollable anxiety. The doctors think its related to my miscarriage. I am going to see the appropriate doctor on March 1st, but I just wondered how did you get over this? I don't know why I am not over it. I feel like I am, but maybe suppressed in the back of my mind..I am not. Also when I first found out I was pregnant I was mad, and upset and in shock........I told my sister "Maybe i'll have a miscarriage" God, I didn't understand or mean what I said. A few days later we got excited. My boyfriend called everyone he knew, and even cried tears of joy because of what we were going to have. Then almost a week or so later the miscarriage happens. Anyways..I am young. 19....and I can't live a normal life because of my anxiety. I am trying to talk about the situation, so here I am. What helped you to get over it? It's been almost exactly 3 months.

It is very difficult to get over your loss, and I grieve your loss. I too had a miscarriage, however mine was a month ago. My husband and I were so excited this was going to be our first baby. Anyway at our 8wk checkup our baby had quit growing at 6wk 2 days a week and a half previously we had seen our little babies heartbeat. Needless to say we were both devistated. My ob said it was fine for us to try again so we have been, I still cry about the loss. It's very hard because that tiny baby becomes a part of you. The hardest thing for me has been not starting my period and thinking to myself that I feel pregnant again but that darn test says negative and I begin crying again. I understand what you are going through, though don't have the right words to say. Nothing ever seems right. Another problem I have been having is wondering why so many people who don't have the money to take care of a baby or who are on drugs can have children and here I am I've followed the book to a tee taken prenatal vitamins quit smoking a year ago, try to eat healthy don't drink and still yet I miscarry. All I here is it will happen in God's timing and I know deep down that is true yet don't understand

I feel for you both and had my 2nd D&C on Monday due to a Missed Miscarriage. My first one was 6 months ago. Both of the pregnancies did not progress past 6 weeks and a few days. We will undergo testing before trying again. The first one was very hard for me. I kept wondering if I'd get pregnant again and even had a long cycle where I thought I was pregnant only to be so disappointed. Everything happens for a reason. Talking about the loss and having a very good support network like we do has put things into perspective. I am only hoping we can find a cause that will lead my husband and me to having a our first child. You probably notice newborns and pregnant women much more like I do. Also, it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant BUT me. 'sigh' It will happen, it will happen.... Keep your chins up.

I'm so sorry for all people who had a miscarriage! I'm one of you. My angel died when he was only 6 weeks. Not long life for a baby who was expected for five long years.First u/s was ok,the 2nd one showed no heart beating. On that day, I will never forget it, my heart stopped beating too. It just aches and aches and it seems unbearable. Since then I have strong desire to chat with people who feel the same. I surf different sites and write to people with the same grief. And it seems to help.Others just won't uderstand.Probably they don't have to.And we don't have right to blame them for it. I quite understand your feelings when you see pregnant women or ones with little kids.I wouldn't say it's envy, it just reminds some painful burning inside you.Nevertheless, we MUST hope for the better, because all the ilnesses depend or our state of mind. May piece come to all of you & wish you to be blessed soon with a nice baby!!!

Hi everyone I found out I was pregnant on Feb.25. I'm 29 years old. It was not planned but after a few weeks I felt emotionally prepared for it and became excited about it. A few weeks before my prenatal visit (scheduled at 10 weeks) I started feeling 'different'. My breasts seemed to have stopped growing, I started getting brown discharge and few odd cramps. Then at 9 weeks, I was out at the mall and started getting strong, frequent cramps. I went to the washroom and discovered bright red blood. My fear had come true, I knew I was having a miscarriage. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital 4 times in 10 days. I lost the baby naturally. And like so many of us out there, I lost the fetus in the toilet. Then delivered (yes I had to push it out) the placenta at ER as I was losing too much blood, all without any painkillers. In all, the worst experience of my life. It's been 10 days since now I begin to feel normal again. Physically that is. Emotionally not so much. I am off work. And I've also had to drop out of the spring semester at university where I have trying to finish my undergrad part time. As I begin to sort my emotions out (first being scared thinking can I do this? Have a baby, finish school etc? To being overjoyed about my baby only to finish by losing it) I've started organize myself to get ready to go back to the life I once knew. Here is what I've learnt, there is a massive need for information. Or lack thereof. I went through 3 doctors and not one of them told me what to expect,explained what will happen or even what is a D&C, what will happen to my body, the placenta etc. And I am an educated person. I began to think I am surely not the only one. I am now on a quest to change all this. I have started writing a book on miscarriage. It will go in detail (yes, the gross taboo stuff and all) about my experience and through interviews of women at support groups in my area (Toronto) talk about theirs as well. Unscientific (let's throw out the jargon), real life, this is what happens to you and your body when you have a miscarriage. We talk tampons, condoms, male erectile dysfunction but not this? Here is what I propose, why not hand out a brochure to women who miscarry? At the ER, at your DR's office. Reliable, credited information approved by doctors organized on a handout to give to women when a miscarriage happens to them. Like the Rev.(the editor of this forum) wrote, 70% of us go through it. But the question is, do we even allow ourselves to talk about it? It's still taboo. I was at my family doctor the other day for a follow-up apt and there were 22 brochures on the wall. Everything from migraine to ulcers to eczema. Not one about miscarriage. Why does society at large pretend miscarriage do not happen or skirt around the issue when our mothers, your mother's mother have probably had a miscarriage too? There needs to be PROGRESS.

I just found out on April 8th that my baby had no heartbeat at 8 weeks. It was our first u/s and we were so excited.. it's amazing that in the matter of 10 min your life can be changed forever. Seeing my baby on the screen was so hard. I knew something was wrong when the nurse excused herself for a minute and then a doctor that I didn't know came in and just told me a matter of factly that my baby had no heartbeat. I immediately starting crying, I don't think i stopped all that day. I haven't started cramping or bleeding. I scheduled a d&c for next thurs. I'm so broken right now. the thought of what that entails just makes me cry.. I cry at odd times now. I'll be fine for awhile and then all of a sudden tears come..i can't explain it. Thanks for listening.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss Jamie F. Emotional ups and downs are natural. I was a wreck. I was in disbelief for three days thinking "I saw the baby on the screen when we did the emergency ultrasound... But the doctors continued calling it a 'threatened pregnancy'" because my hormone levels were not where they should have been for a 9 week pregnancy.They were low. Three days later, that's when it all started. The blood, then loss of the baby (and the excruciating physical pain as I miscarried the baby naturally). It was the worst experience ever. It's been a couple of weeks now and I'm starting to feel better. And starting to feel like myself again. But I will never forget. I don't think any woman really forgets. My advice to you is allow yourself to go through the emotions. Also two things that helped me get through the miscarriage. First, it's a very good sign that you are able to get pregnant to begin with and second, (and I'll quote) "I am not a very religious person but just look at it this way, it's nature's way of saying, the baby cannot survive outside of the womb." For me, these things helped me cope. This last advice came from a friend of mine who also miscarried before having her first son, Eric. Keep your head up and be strong. We've all been there. You are not alone. Just allow yourself to grieve. All the best, NatalieW

It's okay to talk about it, and it's ok to cry. It was also ok to get your hair done, and you should not feel sad about that. I suffered a late miscarriage 2 years ago, in fact, 2 years ago today I delivered my baby at 18 weeks. My baby died sometime between my 13 week checkup and my 18 week appointment. I will never forget the words my midwife said, I'll be right back, I am going to get the doctor. At that time, I lost it. My husband was dumbfounded and did not really grasp what was happening. The doctor gave me some type of medicine and sent me home for the night. I had to go to the maternity ward of the hospital the next day and was induced. I did not have a D&C, I delivered, baby and after birth. At 20 weeks it is considered a still birth, at 18, a miscarriage. There is not a difference though, a baby is a baby. They wouldn't tell me what I had (boy or girl) so we named our baby Angel. Our baby was creamated and is with us. I'm a teacher, and had a parent of one of my students that was incredible. She told me about this site, and I find comfort here. This is the first post I have written in probably a year (in fact I had to reregister because I couldn't remember my information). However, I come here when I am said and find comfort in others stories. It happens often. Too often. There is not much support and most people think you should just get over it, but you can't. Every time I see a baby that is the age my baby would be, I get very sad, and sometimes angry. I do have to tell you though, 2 years later, the pain is still there, but handling it is much better. We haven't been able to get pregnant again, but are hopeful.

I am so sorry for you loss. I will be praying for you and for peace. Nothing anyone can say can help. Lacie [url=http://inyourhandsifind.blogspot.com/]Your Hands[/url]

I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I had one also 4 years ago and I can't even begin to express how shocked and devastated I was. I am a christian so I believe that the Lord is the sole creator of life, the beginning and the end, so it has been a very painful but productive spiritual journey for me. I don't believe that there is anyone else that will be able to provide the kind of answers and consolation that your heart needs to overcome anxiety. If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to share some of the scriptures that have been especially comforting to me in the healing process. My thoughts and prayers are with you.