BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Adult children of abusive families

freemenow,
Thank you for updating on how you are doing. I'm so sorry to hear that your uncle was put under the care of your mother. It must be difficult for you knowing that he isn't receiving the love and care he so deserves. I'm also sorry to hear that you are depressed. Please be gentle with yourself and take time to pamper yourself during this time. It is so important.
Kelli

Just found this forum. I was surprised at how similar my experience is with others here. I am 42 years old and finally cut off my abusive parents 3 years ago, but this time, I don't feel guilty. In doing so, my 3 brothers want nothing to do with me. Actually, they've never wanted much to do with me anyway. It's been painful not having a family. I'm completely alone in the world now other than my husband. It's kind of scarey. I tried over and over again to have a relationship with my family, but it just never worked. It always started out great then out of the blue I would be attacked by my mother again, my father would take up for her, I distance myself, then a year later my father contacts me and tells me they miss me, I feel guilty and try again. Then the attacks by mother start, etc. I finally noticed the pattern and realized things were never going to change. I have two violent alcoholic brothers, the third is verbally and physically abusive. All but one has children and I watch helplessly as the abuse continues. Yet from the outsider's view, they look like happy families. Just like mine did so many years ago. How sad. I think I don't fit in because I'm a healthy person (compared to them) after many years of therapy. When I spoke out about the abuse I was called a crazy liar. When people ask me about my family I usually lie and tell them they are doing great and act like everything is ok. Why? Because it's been my experience that most people can't comprehend the things that led me to cut off my family. They can't imagine doing such a thing. Well, that's a little bit of my story. Sorry to hear others are having a similar experience, but comforted that there are people out there who may actually understand what I'm going through.

Dear E4TA, Welcome:) it is especially hard when the family appears normal. Ive been told there is something wrong w/ me to the point of feeling so insane. I have it pretty straight now. I need constant support so I dont forget. The rejection of a mother can keep me pretty confused. The extended family is wanting to know what is my deal! I told them some and they didnt like it. Then as a result my parents and sister told that I was ???? It could go round and round. But I dont talk and I stay away. My Uncle Gary's funeral was yesterday and I did not go. I was with him when he passed and He knows and God knows. We loved each other dearly. I will continue to work on the toxic shame. Thanks mom!! The worst thing she ever gave me. I find myself yelling at one child more than the rest. Please help!! Its the last thing I want to do!! God bless us all!

just to update here. the (m) took Uncle Gary to the hospice home last fri morn. a minister called me at 4pm. I was alone w/ Uncle Gary until I called my brother. We stayed with him until he went to be with God at 11 pm. If the minister hadnt of called, Uncle Gary would have died alone. His own sister just left him there!! Just goes to show her abuse is ALL on her!! it has nothing to do with anyone but HER!!! she makes me sick!
God is good though because I was with him and he knew. He had the pillow from my house and the hat I gave him. Thats what he chose to take. He couldnt talk but we both knew. We loved each other very very much! Now grieving alone is hard. At least Im not confused anymore.

E4TA,
I want to welcome you to the forum!

I completely understand how although we are saddened that each of us has had to endure child abuse, we are also comforted in that we are not alone.

Again, welcome!

freemenow,
I'm so sorry to hear of your Uncle's passing, but am so thankful that you were able to be with him in his last hours before he passed. I believe that the fact that he took the pillow from your house and the hat you gave him, with him, shows that it was his expression of his love for you.

Regarding how you may tend to scold one of your children more than the other, please be gentle with yourself. The key is that you are aware of it; therefore, you can change it. Perhaps try taking some time out each week for individual activities with your children. For example, take one child out for dinner one night and the other child the next night. This will help them to see your love for them equally.

I have fibro too and its hurting alot these days. also my 15 yr. old daughter is mean and i am lashing back. i feel horrible and she doesnt seem to care either way. the pain continues. i cant handle mean. i feel like im drowning:( again.

freemenow,
Have you been able to try the new fibro medicine that they advertise on the television? I think it's called Lyrica. Is that an option for you?

Regarding your daughter, at that age they do go through that stage. And yes, it's very difficult. I went through it with my children as well and it's very hard to not lash out at them. Try to keep in mind that they don't mean anything by it, it's just part of puberty and going through the incredible mood swings.

Do you have someone you can talk to? That's so important.

Hi Kelli, thanks for always being there. yes I have tried lyrica and it made me gain 20lbs in a month! I take neurontin and a sleep aid. It helps some but I still have episodes of phantom like pain and many headaches (immetrex) I also have degenerative disk disease.Tons of pain from that! My daughter prefers her dad.we r divorced.he is a work aholic. The constant rejection is getting to me. She is also mean to her little brother but sweet as pie to most or all other people. If she was mean to everyone that would help. The real rough part is the only thing she knows is blame. She is never sorry. Makes me furious. I never put hands on her but I am calling her a witch and stuff. I do have help but she constantly challenges me when I dont feel well as it is. Ive had a stomach ache for 3 wks and I just had 2 scans. I really need a break w/ everything that has transpired in the last 2 years. Fam/med/gary/surg/pain/jobless! I just want relief. Geeez! Thank you for understanding. I am gonna stop talking to my daughter (15) as much as possible. Her responses to me are usually ugly even when I am politely chatting to her. She also interupts my other conversations! Rude! she is grounded and I want to unground her so she doesnt have to feel pain. I hate to see her hurt! I have been too soft now she has no respect! I feel guilty as usual. Its just BS!

hey, freemenow! has your daughter been abused too? (perhaps by your mom?) i'm not sure that calling her a "witch" is productive...