BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Question about childfree women and sex

I have an interesting theory and am trying to gather some data to see if it is correct.

To childfree women (does not include those who are more or less undecided) are you able to have sex without catching feelings for your partner beyond mere friendship? Have you done so in the past? Let's see some answers!

Um... kind of a strange question. I assume you are testing the hypothesis that people with the mindset to not want children are also more likely to have casual sex? This isn't exactly a random sample you are taking, but I'll gladly entertain your curiosity:) In college my friends jokingly referred to me as "D, queen of the one night stands!" Yes, I have always been quite able to see a difference between love and sex. However, I did get caught one day. My husband, who was just meant to be one of my "many conquests," turned out to be far too wonderful to let go. I'm not sure how many people end up marrying "that guy I took home from the party," but that's how our love story began. Ah, college.:)

Funny, Dolyn, I don't think whatever turns out will be very scientific, but I can also tell very well the difference between sex and love and had night one stands with no guilt. My husband could have ended up being one, since 1) I met him in a wedding where I got totally drunk and 2) he lived 2000km away in a different country and left for the airport first thing next morning. But it seems it was meant to be too.

I may be the odd one out here, but I never looked at sex as being a casual thing. I guess I'm a little old fashioned but I view sex as something shared between two people deeply in love.

As a side note, my husband is divorcing me because he wants kids and I want to be CF. Recently I have had opportunities with two different men come up where I could have just jumped into bed with them if I had wanted to. It didn't interest me at all. If I don't feel a deep bond with a person I don't want to share that kind of intimacy.

Just to put my two cents in - I'm kind of with Cassie here. I certainly don't see my not wanting children as a reason to jump into bed with anyone. While I haven't been in love with all my exes I certainly need some emotional attachment or I just wouldn't have sex with them. While I would respect another person's decision to do it, one night stands have never appealed - not old-fashioned, just not my scene!

As expected, one thing has nothing to do with the other, lol.

I'm also with Cassie and Capybara on this one.

I can only have sex with someone I love. My only sexual experience has been with my husband. I lost my virginity at 26 with him.

Just to be devil's advocate, you could even take this argument to its opposite extreme - the women who are desperate for children don't care so much about who they sleep with as long as they get the end result (ie. pregnant.) I don't actually believe this but there certainly are women out there who are more interested in having a baby than having a relationship!

I agree with you, Cap. It's crazy to imagine it, but there are women out there who get blinded by baby fever, I'm sure.

I'm in between, at least thus far. Have I been madly in love with everyone I've ever slept with? No. However, there was never an occasion where there wasn't fondness or at least some mutual respect. And yes, alcohol was involved in more than one occasion, but never to the extreme where things were unsafe or harmful. It was all fun. That was in my 20s. Things have calmed down a LOT since then because of many factors, but it's probably for the better.

Now that I've had my tubes tied, I will not lie to you that a part of me may have the liberty to enjoy sex a LOT more because I now have one less thing to worry about. But it still isn't going to make me less discriminant.

For me, the act of sex is such an opening to vulnerability. And either you can shield yourself from caring about that for the moment's pleasure, or you can trust yourself to be vulnerable with another person. That can be the hardest part, I think.

Anyway, just my two cents!

I have feelings of romance, intimacy, attraction and deep lasting love for my partner whom I am married to. Why would not having kids keep me from feeling love? Why would I want it to? I'm not sure I understand the question.