BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids OMFG...pure rant

So, as some of you know, I got my tubes tied a couple of weeks ago and it has caused some heartbreaking trouble between myself and my mother. I just had a birthday and I think we may be able to patch things up, but needless to say, it's been a rough period of time for me. I love my mom and didn't want to hurt her, but I just had to do what I had to do. Hopefully, time will heal. I just wrote her a letter today with all my reasons and I feel better having done it.

So, my day goes on and I'm cruising the usual sites. A friend of mine and her husband recently adopted two girls. I thought that was really cool. I don't know why they chose not to/couldn't have children of their own. I never asked, but I thought it was cool that they were opening their home and their hearts to those who needed it. Yay. They're ready to adopt a brand new baby who's expected to be born any minute.

Here's the rant: ALL THREE CHILDREN ARE FROM THE SAME PARENTS! WHY DO THEY KEEP HAVING BABIES IF THEY CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!? IT'S CALLED SPAY AND NEUTER, PEOPLE!!! IF YOU CAN'T STOP HAVING SEX, EXERCISE SOME PREVENTION!!!

Part 2: A friend of mine who swore he would never have kids accidentally got his girlfriend pregnant. The got married and are doing quite well, the baby is beautiful. She was born in September. SHE TELLS ME TODAY SHE'S ALREADY PREGNANT AGAIN! I love my friend dearly, but put a hat on that thing, for crying out loud!

I just can't win! The nonsense is everywhere! Here I'm feeling tore up from the floor up because I have to justify my decisions and I'm just steadily surrounded by more, more, more! I just want to run away somewhere and hide and not come back out until we've been forced to move into outer space because there's no more room left in the world!

I'm feeling really frustrated today. I feel torn apart and taped back up, but then left to fall off the table again.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Wow Apple Blossom....I just had to respond to you in some way.

I agree with you that there is a lot of nonsense when it comes to people around us having babies for "whatever" reasons. It does appear that these people often have kids for all the wrong reasons or for selfish reasons. There are very few who seem to have children for the right reasons, and they are very responsible and conscientious people, but it doesn't seem to be the norm. Kids are a novelty or an "oops", and that is ok for some reason. And there is always the idea floating around that having children is just the thing to do.

It sure is amazing that the people who can't afford to raise kids or be responsible for them do continue to reproduce without taking preventive action, with no regard to the innocent lives they irresponsibly bring into this world. People need to be accountable for their actions and do what they can to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Again, I am so in agreement with you on this issue.

Hang in there, Apple Blossom. There will always be foolish people out there doing stupid things, and the lovely ladies of our elite group here will always seem different to mostly everyone around us. You are not alone and you are greatly appreciated for who you are by all of us who participate here. Stand your ground, stay true to yourself, and love who you are for the self-less and caring human being you are. The only person you truly have to please in this world is YOU.

Obviously I don't know the circumstances around your friends' adoption, but I think the people they adopt from probably get "compensated" well for adopting out their children. It's horrible, but true. Some women, such as many surrogates, actually get paid BY THE HOUR while they are pregnant. Many private adoptions involve the exchange of money for "expenses." I mean, let's face it, if you are willing to destroy your body/risk your life and are emotionally able to just give away your offspring, it's a pretty good way to make money, wouldn't you say? Man, I'm just thinking about the goldmine I'm harboring in my abdomen. All the "precious," desirable, white babies my husband and I could pop out... it's a shame I'm not a sociopath.

People can be ridiculously immature sometimes. My sister-in-law managed to get pregnant about a month after the first baby was born - I didn't even know it was possible to get pregnant that quickly! She ended up having a miscarriage at two weeks and was so angry the family wasn't more sympathetic. I think everyone was, in a way, just relieved and knew she would never be able to cope with two so young. The thing that really irritates me is that we were still waiting on her hand and foot at this time because she was claiming she still couldn't lift a finger a month after the caesarian because of the pain. She was obviously feeling well enough for sex though! PS. Apple Blossom - I'm intrigued - were your friends paying these people as part of the adoption agreement?? If so, that might explain the sudden appearance of another one! (cynical old thing that I am)

It does seem w all the sex ed, birth control ed, self esteem ed and all this other nonsense that more women are getting "oops" pregnant than having a baby in a responsible context...stable marriage, a husband who also wants a child, adequate resources and time on one's hands for a child. I understand feeling you have to justify your decision when no one says anything about these little "oopsies". I have a health problem that most likely will not accommodate a second pregnancy, and had an absolutely awful time getting prenatal care here even though the baby arrived perfectly healthy. Yet I know a couple from another country who had a second child almost no time after the first. I suspect they are subsidized in some manner. The wife and baby are not being taught the English language, and I suspect (hope) they are planning to return soon. Let time pass. Sooner or later these folks will mind their own business.

I totally hear and understand your rant, Apple Blossom. I think many accidental pregnancies occur ( aside from failed birth control) because deep down these people obviously not care if they get pregnant, or in the case of men have a child. Someone asked me what would you name your baby if you accidentally got pregnant. I responded with blatant honesty. My husband and I do not have intercourse until he gets his vasectomy. Times that we have, we've used a condom, spermicide, and pullout, and not done it during ovulation. It amazes me how lightly people take this venture.

Good points, to be sure! I share your disbelief, AppleBlossom! One more thing - we need to stop subsidizing reproduction in this country. I know that there are families that truly need help, but encouraging them to have more children by giving more assistance for additional children is irresponsible. However many children they have when they begin to receive benefits should be the only ones they can claim - birth control should be made available at no cost. After all - if the government will not pay for abortions, they should not subsidize reproduction, either. People will not be responsible as long as the consequences are subsidized and "rewarded". And yet another thing - I am tired of hearing how those of us who are CF (by choice or circumstance) are selfish - after all, even when children are wanted for the "right" reasons - there is still a "selfish" component. No one would chose to have a child if there was not a benefit, or percieved benefit to themselves. OK - another rant over - LOL!!