BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Eek!

Hi again everyone. I know, sadly, that I'm actually one of the lucky ones on here, so I feel a bit guilty for 'eek'ing at you. But last week I had to move out of the lovely place I shared with my wonderful boyfriend of 8 years, and into a houseshare because he wants kids and ended it. To give you an idea of the change I've gone through, I used to live in a very cute, Notting Hill-like part of London, England, but now I live...well, let's just say they don't make movies about parts of London like this one - at least Richard Curtis doesn't. A boy asked me for a cigarette light the other day and insisted on showing me the wounds he'd just sustained in a fight. Hmm. I don't regret my decision, but I'm 32, living with two 26-year-olds, and a 31-year-old who doesn't know how to clean, and it feels like I'm running my life backwards. Part of me feels that maybe staying and having kids would have been easier than the stress and loneliness of the weeks since my ex told me his decision (I'm certainly doing as much cleaning up as I would with a baby....). But I know in my heart of hearts that what I've done is right. I miss my ex so very much (and he misses me too - ha!), and things are only going to get harder, so I thought I'd post this so that when things get REALLY tough, I can read your messages and feel stronger. So please, all of you, can you remind me why I'm doing this!? Oh, and when I'm hoooked up with a gorgeous, successful, rich man who prefers exotic holidays to dirty nappies / diapers, I'll be sure to post about it and give the next generation of 'me's a glimmer of hope. The glimmer from my Tiffany engagement ring, obviously. x

Made me laugh I worry about facing the same situation. As far as moving backwards if we break up. The fact is that financial situations are easier when it is too people not to mention the emontial benefits of having someone to share your life with. I am sure that everyone else here would agree that its worth going through the tough times to live the life you want to live in the long run. Unfortunately that does not make the present any easier to deal with. Best of luck and I am sure you made the right choice.

Finances are a big part of the equation, no doubt. My husband and I will both be in a sorrier financial situation being divorced. I emotionally, and in some ways financially, supported my husband through 8 yrs of school, which resulted in two masters degrees. I put my life on hold for him and didn't have much of his time during this period because he was too busy to really give a lot to our relationship. I endured it because I knew this sacrifice was the best thing for our future in the long run.

Now that he has the ability to make more money in the coming years I will not benefit from this, and with no savings or retirement plan I will not be financially strong as I had hoped to be being married to my husband. I don't even have money to move out of our home, which I have to leave after the divorce this coming May.

It is a bitter pill to swallow, but the relationship has suffered so much through the years, and there is no other way for us to go but to split up due to our differences in opinion about having children. It is hard to lose that best friend and partner that you depend on day to day, and it's also hard to have to learn to live with a lot less because you just can't afford what you used to have together as a couple.

Hi Rosie, My ex husband was just as CF as I was, and I left the marriage for other (good) reasons. I stayed with my parents for a while due to financial reasons until I recently moved into a small apartment. I too, felt like I was moving backwards in life, but then I thought about the reasons I left, and I realized I was better off. Couples split up all the time, and you can end up feeling like this regardless of the reason your relationship ends. In these economic times, it's especially more likely we don't live the life like we used to. I'm still glad for my decision. I'm also here to remind you of what you already know - you are being true to yourself instead of living a life raising kids that you don't want to have - I don't want to make assumptions about your ex, but I'm guessing it's 90% likely this would be with a man who would have been happy to let you shoulder most of the responsibility. Couples with kids also split up a lot - imagine if you had given in, he left for a different reason, but then you had a child to be responsible for and support on your own. Just a few things to remind yourself when you start to feel down.