BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Cassie67 - How are you today?

Hi Cassie - well, it doesn't really matter if he thinks there is money or not for spousal support - by law you can ask for it and be awarded by the court. If the two or you do not come to an agreement, the court will decide. He can hit the roof all he wants - but all he will get for that is a headache. Hang, in there, and be strong.

I just went through two emotionally bad nights. My husband is moving out this weekend because he can't handle my grief. I can barely talk to him about anything else either because of his mental instability. He is on the verge of having panic attacks, with heart palpatations and all if we discuss anything stressful.

For someone at peace with his decision he is certainly really starting to come apart at the seams. He says he is having trouble with the idea of our separation just like I am. He is having a hard time just doing his job.

Gee, he has brought all this down upon himself. Just wait until he finds out that I am going for alimony. He will probably have a nervous breakdown.

I need to stop caring for him and think only of myself now. It is easier said than done. Some days are better than others for me and I am having a hard time being a cold, hard, b*tch, because that is just not who I am. But I do know that for my own survival I need to try to stay strong and keep moving ahead.

I am thankful to have the support of all the great ladies here as well as other good friends I have here at home. I don't know how I'd be getting through this at all right now if it wasn't for all of you.

Hi Cassie, It is probably better that he moves out. You will have some peace and privacy to cope with your feelings and to really gather your strength. Apparently, he is feeling guilty about what this is doing to you. As he should. Perhaps being away will give him a chance to do some thinking as well - he just seems so delusional. Do you know what his friends and family have said to him? Not that it probably makes a difference to him - my ex told me just recently that everyone in his family and all his friends told him that he was doing the wrong thing, but that he didn't listen. My ex-H, too has panic disorder. He didn't have a problem leaving me, though, that I could tell. He did, however have a few panic attacks after he moved to his new apartment, which, conveniently was down the street from his affair partner. Of course he denied the affair, saying that he needed to move out so that he could determine why he was so unhappy. I almost laughed in his face when he said that. Keep your chin up! You are really strong, and you are doing well, considering everything that has happened. Don't try to hide your grief - you must feel it, process all your feelings and the reality of what has happened in order to move past it and reclaim your life. You are stronger than you know. Good night, and God Bless.

As far as his friends go, I think they are telling him to go after what he wants in life. His family, I know, only wants the best for him, but I know that there are family members not happy with his decision and they probably told him so. They know I have been good to him and good for him.

After all the grief and stress in the past few days we actually had a civil conversation last night (not about any issues in particular) and fell asleep in each other's arms. I think we both feel the most peace when we are in each other's arms. So here again, I think the man is crazy to leave me.

I don't have false hope and I am continuing to plan for my new life and make my arrangements. I can only go forward at this point.

Thanks again, Lady M, for your support.

(((((((((Cassie67)))))))))

I'm sorry Cassie. I wish nothing but the best for you. And remember, we're always here if you need us -big hug-

Ladies, thank you for the hugs and support. I really appreciate it and all of you. I wish I could meet you all and hug you in person!

I will keep you posted as things happen here. I am sure it will get more dramatic as court day draws closer in May.....ugh...

Just checking in....

My husband moved out this weekend and is staying at his mother's place for a couple of weeks to see how things go. He left a note for me apologizing for what is happening after all of our years together. He said he is not lost to the amount of pain I am in. He firmly believes he is making the right decision for the long term needs of his life, and hopes one day I will understand and be proud of him.

Be PROUD of him? I would understand it if he'd like for me to forgive him some day, but to be "proud" of him??? He wants my approval, and he will never have it. I can't be proud of what he has done to me and to us. He seems so irrational to me.

I am feeling a little sad but calm since he moved out. I do enjoy being alone. My biggest problem is trying to focus on getting my stuff looked through and packed up. It seems that to really dig in is to have to face just how real this situation is, and I am not quite ready to deal with the pain of having to leave here. I will try to start one box at a time...

Hi Cassie67- Wishing you lots of love, support, and feelings of calm, confidence and self-acceptance as you begin to sort this all out. Box by box. Thinking of you lots.

Dearest Cassie, I am so sorry that your H continues down his path. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers - I understand the pain and despair you feel. My husband was the same way - totally determined and convinced he was doing the right thing. He was totally cold towards me, and unlike your H, would not acknowledge the pain he caused me, nor did he care about the financial impact of his actions. He moved out, took half of everything, and left me holding the bag of all the expenses. I had to file for divorce in order to get possession of the house and spousal support. I think that he acted that way in order to be able to detach - he had to deny his feelings in order to be able to walk away. He denied that there was anyone else, but I had strong suspicions, which proved to be correct. He told me that he wanted to leave a long time before - whether he was re-writing history or not, I do not know - but he did not leave until he found someone else who could give him what he wanted. Continue to be strong, and be kind to yourself. You have a lot of strength - I know that no matter what happens, you will be OK. Stay in touch here - we all care very much.